Should I pay boyfriend back

Guess what? OP can dump him for free!

I don't get why you went out even though you'd made arrangements with him. You were allegedly tired too but went out with work colleagues. Wtaf.

Seriously, you need to reflect on your behaviour - it's nit poor comms if you cba speaking!

I'd suggest you both call it a day. I'm not sure either of you are mature enough for an adult relationship no matter how old you are.

Hope you're doing OK now @Unexpectedlysinglemum ? There is peace on the other side. It takes time but you will get there and be stronger for it. Just take time for the simple things that heal us like leaning out of the bedroom window and deep breathing in the fresh air and listening to the quiet and thebird song (or the gentle street bustle if youre in a town). If we need to find a silver lining, it's taught us to spot the 🚩🚩 and avoid it again. Sending you strength and hugs x

I've recently opened up to friends and family about how bad he is, and everyone agrees I should leave him. Mentally and emotionally I'm ready, I just don't really know how to action it and stick to it, and I don't want him having the baby without me around. I've got 3.5 months left before baby's born so really need to figure it out. I'll get the book, thank you. X

Honestly I wish I'd done it myself earlier so I had more time to prepare , I think it was social stigma mixed with belief in him changing. I listened to Matthew hussey book love life today and there is a chapter about leavig. Relationships that i wish I'd listened to then - I really recommend that book.

My friends and family were amazing. Everyone assumes you're all loved up but if you tell them he is actually being horrible to you - really horrible not just moody or something that can be fixed- they will help you. I have been through a lot of trauma and it is hard on my own but the thought of him
Still living in the same house as me makes me so stressed and sends tremors down me.

X

@Unexpectedlysinglemum all these things have been going through my head the whole pregnancy (leaving him, not putting him on birth certificate etc). Just trying to figure out how to navigate it. Sorry you're in this situation too x

@Happyitssummer I'm in a similar boat to you with my toddler. Wish I hadn't tried to be 'such a nice understanding helpful kind' one to him - assuming he'd appreciate me and be kind and grateful back. Did he fuck.

@PepaWepa you can still leave him. I didn't feel I could when pregnant but he left me just before baby born. I wish I left him earlier on in the pregnancy. Don't put his name on the birth certificate if he shows any abusive traits.

Ps 30 is young you do not need to settle for a man like this I am in such a stress now trying g to coparent with a nasty stingy man who doesn't care about me. Get rid honestly. Read lalalaletmeexplain block delete and move on, and Matthew hussey love life to develop some minimal standards

He's a leech and you have to make all the effort. I'm 2 years in with someone like this and I fucking hate it. It's never changed despite constant hope it will. I'm resentful and don't want to make effort or keep saying yes to all the 'little bits here and there'. It's my money keep getting spent and I'm sick of it all. But I'm now also pregnant.

You're a couple months in. Dump him.

Dump him
I dated and funded a pauper during the pandemic and then he convinced me to get pregnant and I did.
He then got a decent job, left me before the baby was born and won't contribute anything above child maintenance so lumbered with nursery fees while he goes off on holiday with his new gf all the time.
Go out with someone who is an actual match for you! X

He's a user. You keep travelling to him like dialashag and pay for his tea.

I understand he's going through a hard time but he isn't entitled to you paying for his shop if you don't offer. He ignores you when he doesn't want to do what you want, then gets angry and emotionally abusive when you don't do what he wants.

He's unemployed, lazy, entitled, and manipulative. He's shown you who he is so don't look away

Block and run !

Your standards seem to be verrrrrrry low @Gymnasticsalltheway

Surely you can see that being accused of cheating because you went out with friends is a MASSIVE read flag.
Buying food when you have said you won't be going to his and asked him to come to you is another MASSIVE red flag.
Asking you to pay him back for food....

Need I go on?

Honestly this isn't the foundations of a strong, respectful and trusting relationship. I can understand the frustration of wanting to find a partner and settle down but surely compromising like this isn't the answer? Any partner is not better than none...

He accused you of cheating wants money for food he’s batshit, imagine what he would be like long term yuk

Yes you are mad not to dump him.

There really are a lot of mugs on this thread saying they would pay.

Erm no.

Really? Have you lost all self respect OP?

Simple he is controling and will get worse believe me i've been there

Because his behaviour is giving lots of red flags.

1. You told him you wanted to meet up and go out to eat. You didn’t hear from him after so assumed that plan was cancelled. He then decides, without any discussion or agreement with you, that you are coming over to his AGAIN, despite you telling him you didn’t want to 🚩

2. He goes out and buys a bit of cheap food (that he can easily eat himself another day), for an evening at his that he never even asked you about? So you had no idea you were even expected over there because you hadn’t agreed to it. He chose to go and buy that food, knowing you’d hadn’t agreed nor planned to go to his 🚩

3. He then persistently rings you (after being quiet on you for a few days), and when you explain you’re out and hadn’t agreed to coming over, he accuses you of cheating on him and being a liar 🚩🚩

4. He then has the audacity to ask you to compensate him for food you never asked for nor expected, quickly forgetting the times you’ve helped him out financially with bits 🚩

5. He’s then blocked you and refuses to discuss it further 🚩

You wanted him to make more effort. He didn’t. He expected you to come to his AGAIN (without even telling you). So you’re the one always making the effort.

This man then tried to gaslight you into believing you owed him money, for something you never asked for, nor expected.

When he found out you’d gone out with friends/colleagues, his first thought was to accuse you of cheating. So he sounds quite insecure.

That is why people are telling you to dump him. Because he sounds like a twat.

Don’t settle with someone who isn’t meeting your needs, just because you’re yearning to settle down.

Block and dump. He knew you didn’t arrange to go to his and is now gaslighting you. He has made no effort to meet you half way and share the travel, an expense for you. He is now demanding £20 ffs. He is not your partner he’s someone you have been seeing

Transfer him a tenner, block and run for the hills!

You could be me when I met my ex. Started out just like this. Too far to come to mine so didn't turn up, constant calls when I was at work and out, etc. I didn't have mumsnet or the advice of all these sensible women here back in those days. He became abusive and controlling over time. Subtly. Nothing physical to start with but I wasn't aware what it was. Gave the benefit of the doubt. Ended up 11 years later with my DC, having to move out / escape while he was at work and involve the police. I'm still having counselling for the cptsd now, years on. He started off lovely, everyone thought he was lovely. I was colour blind to the red flags. Don't be me OP it's not worth it and there's much better out there. Please let this one go

Why not? Are you seriously suggesting you’re going to carry on this toxic relationship?