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Should I pay boyfriend back

465 replies

Gymnasticsalltheway · 29/09/2024 22:19

Hello,

I am in a new relationship with a man since being single for many years. We have only been going out for a couple of months. Unfortunately, things have been tense since the company he worked for closed down and now he is out of employment. Due to this, most of our dates have been at his house (he can't come to my house as I flat share) and I have bought him little things here and there (not expensive just bits of foods) to help him get by.

Last week, he asked me to come to his flat again. This time I told him "no" as I was tired of making the trip all the way to his and if he could come meet me near where I am and we can go out somewhere (nothing expensive). He said "ok" but I didn't sound keen. Anyway, when the day arrived, I didn't hear from him and thought I'll just leave him be as he probably was worried about the cost of travel and didn't want to impose anything of him-so I let it be.

Later that evening, I went on a work event and my phone just kept ringing and ringing and it was DP. He asked me where I was and that I had promised to go to his and that he has brought food for me. I told him that nothing was confirmed that it was me that I was expecting to hear but left it. He then accused me of cheating and lying about where I was.

Later on, he then sent me a screenshot of a receipt of food that he bought for me (costing £20.00). I called him back and asked what this was for and he said that he wanted me to pay him back for the food he bought. I told him "No way", especially since I have bought him things here and there and haven't asked him to pay me back. He then got upset and said that he is expecting me to pay him back either way, accused me of cheating and got a bit angry over the phone.

Can I ask? AIBU, should I pay him back. I expect that there was miscommunication on both sides. But should I pay him back just to keep the peace. Interested to hear anyone's thoughts.

OP posts:
firsttimemum1230 · 29/09/2024 22:35

@Gymnasticsalltheway

you seem a little unsure but I can promise you now if you don’t walk away from him and allow him to treat you such way it will ger worse and worse and worse as months and opportunities pass him by to do so. He doesn’t respect you or care for what you want evidently and all you want to do is stay with him. He’s shown who he is. You don’t owe him time or money. He will make use of what he’s bought

Elfie23 · 29/09/2024 22:34

This guy is allllll the red flags!
He's controlling the relationship - you must always go to his place, pander to what he wants etc.
You ask him to come your way, he says ok then there's radio silence until he realises you won't turn up at his and then he loses his shit?
Naaaaah byeeeeee

LucyEleanorModeratz · 29/09/2024 22:34

Mean with money, mean with love

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/09/2024 22:34

Gymnasticsalltheway · 29/09/2024 22:28

I'm not sure why everyone is saying to dump him? Am I missing something?

Why would you dump an angry, cheap man who makes no effort, accuses you of cheating, is unappreciative and unemployed?

It's a MYSTERY.

Opensesameseeds · 29/09/2024 22:34

Did you not arrange for him to come over to yours? When did you say you were going to his?

Anyway either way I thought it was a no brainer to end this relationship surely?

The first few months is meant to be the honeymoon period and it sounds as if he’s stressed over money issues and you both are not able to date normally as you would have if he were employed. Add to this he’s now asking for £20 back. That’s really sad and embarrassing. Not to mention accusations about cheating and lying. If this is the honeymoon period how do you think the rest of your relationship will fare?

Doesn’t sound like a great start and he probably needs to just focus on job hunting , and forget about dating for now.

DeedlessIndeed · 29/09/2024 22:33

@Gymnasticsalltheway

People are saying dump him because this is not an adult relationship.

To simplify, you told him you would not visit him, but he was welcome to visit you. No firm plans are made.

He ignores this. He obsessively calls you whilst you are out. He makes false accusations against you. He starts a fight over a paltry amount. He got angry over a miscommunication.

This could be an attempt to control you or manipulate you as you didn't want to go to his. Or it could just be him being an immature dick.

Either way, he is not relationship material. He is a red flag that could be viewed as a controlling jerk.

redtrain123 · 29/09/2024 22:33

He accused you of cheating?! To me, this is a red flag. You don’t need to justify your actions to him.

mrschocolatte · 29/09/2024 22:32

Gymnasticsalltheway · 29/09/2024 22:28

I'm not sure why everyone is saying to dump him? Am I missing something?

Because his behaviour, as described by you, suggests someone who is irrationally unreasonable and raises red flags about his long suitability as a partner,

Createausername1970 · 29/09/2024 22:31

Gymnasticsalltheway · 29/09/2024 22:26

Why?

Why would you not?

If this mean pettiness has emerged so early in a relationship, then it's a fairly sure bet it's going to be a regular occurrence.

AlmondsAreGreat · 29/09/2024 22:31

Gymnasticsalltheway · 29/09/2024 22:28

I'm not sure why everyone is saying to dump him? Am I missing something?

If nothing else, the completely baseless accusation that you lying and cheating on him.

LIZS · 29/09/2024 22:31

Gymnasticsalltheway · 29/09/2024 22:28

I'm not sure why everyone is saying to dump him? Am I missing something?

Because he sounds mean spirited and inflexible. Surely he could eat pizza etc himself. Too early to be a "dp" too.

GirlInTheMirror27 · 29/09/2024 22:31

VestPantsandSocks · 29/09/2024 22:21

Pay him.
Then block him. Forever.

This exactly. Pay him back, tell him it's not working out and block him.

ScruffGin · 29/09/2024 22:31

Gymnasticsalltheway · 29/09/2024 22:28

I'm not sure why everyone is saying to dump him? Am I missing something?

Because he's showing you more red flags than a communist convention...

"He then accused me of cheating and lying about where I was."

You've only been together two months, throw this one back and look for someone who isn't a twat

NahNotHavingIt · 29/09/2024 22:31

Gymnasticsalltheway · 29/09/2024 22:28

I'm not sure why everyone is saying to dump him? Am I missing something?

Your brain, maybe?

EVHead · 29/09/2024 22:30

He’s messing you about and accusing you of cheating. Is that what you want from your life, him behaving like a twat when you disagree with him?

StormingNorman · 29/09/2024 22:30

Block! Block! Block!

NahNotHavingIt · 29/09/2024 22:30

Manyshelves · 29/09/2024 22:25

No, of course you shouldn’t pay him. Just bin him off

This ^^

Don't pay him for something he chose to buy.

MSLRT · 29/09/2024 22:30

Gymnasticsalltheway · 29/09/2024 22:28

I'm not sure why everyone is saying to dump him? Am I missing something?

Yes you seem to be. Why on earth would you want to stay with such a tight knob of a man? Are you desperate to be in a relationship.

Therealjudgejudy · 29/09/2024 22:29

I wouldnt give him a cent.

I would dump and block though...

Zanatdy · 29/09/2024 22:29

No, you didn't arrange to go over, you certainly didn't agree to get food. I’d just block him, end of relationship

Gymnasticsalltheway · 29/09/2024 22:28

I'm not sure why everyone is saying to dump him? Am I missing something?

OP posts:
Milkand2sugarsplease · 29/09/2024 22:28

@Gymnasticsalltheway that's what I mean, he understood you saying no and still went shopping as if you'd said yes?? Defo don't pay back.... Or ring back or text back...

Manyshelves · 29/09/2024 22:28

Gymnasticsalltheway · 29/09/2024 22:26

Why?

He sounds like a bam

Gymnasticsalltheway · 29/09/2024 22:27

Createausername1970 · 29/09/2024 22:26

If you definitely said "No" and he went ahead and bought food then that's his problem. Plus, what exactly has he bought for £20 that is so special it won't go in the fridge and he can eat it himself over the next few days?

I would walk away from this.

It was a pizza and a few bits.

OP posts:
AlmondsAreGreat · 29/09/2024 22:27

I wouldn’t give him the money. I’d ignore his calls and texts, block his number, and have no further contact.

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