Should I pay boyfriend back

Wise up OP. You “don’t get” why people are advising you break up? have a bit of self respect. You didn’t have plans, he won’t come to you, he accuses you of having made plans, harasses you, the. To top it off sends you a bill for food you were never coming over for? Do we have to spell out why this isn’t a healthy, rational and mutually respectful relationship?

Read this twenty times over and then dump him.

Seriously.

And I echo every word from this poster.

So many red flags OP. The constant calling, the accusing you of cheating, blocking you, anger over the food he bought. If it’s this controlling and fraught now, it can only get worse.

I would seriously consider ending things and also working on your self esteem. You are worth so much more and it’s worrying you have not seen ending things as an option here.

Putting the money situation to the side (which I wouldn’t pay) anyone that accused me of cheating & lying when I wasn’t would be a massive red flag & I’d dump him for this. Imagine what he’d be like 2 years in. I’d be running away from this as fast as I could.

Because he sounds awful, how can’t you see that? He asked you for money back over a confusion he created and then accused you of lying, cheating and spoke to you badly.

He is not stressed about his employment status, he is just not the great guy you imagined.

He sounds like hard work. It’s only been a few months, right? Relationships shouldn’t be this hard this early on. Red flag. Dump!

Why do you think it's okay for him to treat you like this?

He's hounded you, accused you of cheating, gas lit you and blocked you over a pizza.

Imagine what he'll be like of you had kids with him!?

Yes, he's assuming

1. you'll go over to his
2. you'll pay for the food
3. he can call the shots in the relationship.

He is, in short, an arsehole.

He's deflecting, trying to make things seem your fault. Probably all boils down to him being skint.

Loosing his job and having little money is possibly making him very stressed, and causing him to act up and become nasty. It can be tough.

You don't have to put up with this, though. It's highlighting his character flaws/ bad traits when times are hard.

There was no confusion. You were never going to his for dinner.

he is trying to gas light you, bully you, control you.

Get rid.

Nonsense, you go on walk dates or coffee dates (bring a thermos) or sit in a free museum or go to a street event, but have some self respect and don't leech off a new partner without even having a conversation about how to manage fairly. I know this from student and unemployment days.

He has no job

You have been buying him food and bits to help him get by

You are making the majority of the effort in the relationship, by going to see him

The one time you say no to going around to his, he ignores you and buys food anyway

He then gaslights you saying you agreed to go to his, and has the cheek to ask you to reimburse him

And this is after being with him for only a couple of months. You deserve better @Gymnasticsalltheway

No disrespect but if you can't see this is a huge red flag then you have a problem,!

You’re not going to dump someone who accuses you of cheating and demands you pay them back for some food (when you didn’t even arrange to go to theirs)????
where are your standards!!

@Gymnasticsalltheway I know this sounds silly. But I am 30 years old. I have been single for many years and longing a family.

30 is quite young, you shouldn't feel any pressure, you will find someone else who truly loves you. This current man doesn't love you. It is awful to send you a receipt for £20 expecting you to pay. Really really awful.

And now he has blocked you! Definitely consider him dumped.

@Gymnasticsalltheway
You will get accused of cheating or not loving him enough everytime you go out with anybody but him , then you will stop going out cause it causes to much shit, this is how they lock you away from friends and family, run and don't look back with the 20 pound he has asked for.

He has accused you cheating, gaslighting you about agreeing to go over when you didn't and now trying to get you to lay for his dinner....

@Gymnasticsalltheway mumsnet is probably not the best place to ask this question because most people who post here are extremely wealthy and may not understand the difficulties of unemployment. I've been there so I do.

One question though...

Later that evening, I went on a work event and my phone just kept ringing and ringing and it was DP.

Any reason for not answering a phone the first time it rings?

Basically he was scamming you for food. You were supposed to bring food to his place the first few times; did he offer to pay you? Then he wanted to guilt you into paying for food that you didn't ask for or want, which was at his place, when he should have been at your place and going out with you! I only know a few men from Barbados but they have been very courteous and old fashioned, providers to their wives. It doesn't matter where this one is from. You are not his tide-me-over. He can go to a food bank or sell stuff on Ebay.

If he had been polite and you genuinely thought you were partly responsible for the miscommunication then you could send him £10. But he has been rude and angry and he has blocked your number. He can eat pizza for two days. Stressed or not, he has no right to be aggressive towards you. You sound lovely so know your worth and hold out for a man who deserves you.

He’s blocked you. Consider that the end.

I get that you were probably quite excited about this relationship, but it’s not the one for you. It’s very one-sided - you visit him, you take food etc, and the one time you ask him him to reciprocate, he ignores you, then accuses you of cheating, and asks you to pay for his food. Then to
top all, blocks you.

Find someone else.

There is nothing worse than being married to, and having kids with, a complete arsehole. Being envious of what your friends have is not a reason to tie yourself to an abusive, tight loser. Having kids is hard enough with someone who is kind and caring, with this kind of man it's a nightmare. Ask me how I know...

If you want to have a baby, a random sperm donor would be an upgrade on someone who is immature, controlling, paranoid, disrespectful, rude, and stingy, because it would be unlikely they'd check every single one of those boxes.