Should I pay boyfriend back

Yes you are!
It's crazy that you're not seeing it. Is this really the type of person you want to stay in a relationship with?

This is him showing his true colours I’m afraid op.

I completely understand how sometimes when you’re in a relationship you can put up with all sorts because of the fear of being alone.

But I can 100% promise you that being single would be better than being stuck in a marriage with a man who can treat you like this. Would he ask you to pay him back for money he spends on food for children if you had them?

If I were you I’d say Yeah I’ll pay you back no problem, can you just pay me for all the food I’ve bought you/all the money I’ve spent on travel to yours

Well, he sounds like a selfish, tight-fisted man-child that cannot handle when he doesn't get his way. He immediately accuses you of cheating on him when you didn't go to his place, which you had already said you would not do this time. He set you up to go off on you and then has the audacity to try and charge you for food you never asked him to buy.

Yes, you are missing something because if you think the above is normal, you need to give a few thoughts about your boundaries and the qualities you want in a BF. I truly hope what he has shown is not what you think is acceptable.

Why is he ' boyfriend ' in the title but DP in your opening post ?

he is not a DP you don't live together, and surely he is now ExBF...

you may ask why is he now the Ex boyfriend and it is the first word ' "no" as I was tired of making the trip all the way to his and if he could come meet me near where I am and we can go out somewhere (nothing expensive).'

so

1. he didn't listen or understand the word ' no '
2. he totally ignored or disregarded why it was ' no '
3. didn't bother to come over your way or even near to your area

and after ignoring / not listening to your words, he then decided to spend some money - for the 1st time ?
and has the blooming cheek to invoice you for it.

why on earth would you want to keep the peace with this ( non ) prince of a man...

especially after he accuses you of cheating !!!

If the relationship is this much hard work after a few months, then it is not the right relationship.

he sounds awful OP, as others have said, imagine a friend/relative in this situation and think what you would advise them.

I would be out of this like a shot and wouldn’t look back.

There are many cynical women on here, but that’s because of how many of us have been burnt by people like this man. You can spot the 🚩 a mile off!

Count yourself lucky. He isn't a decent boyfriend, let alone any kind of long term prospect. No one needs a man like that in their lives.

Yeah exactly you get tight men (and women) from all cultures.

OP, if your family keeps asking you about marriage, etc, relever you’re the one who is going to be in the marriage, not them. Don’t be pushed into being in a committed relationship with the wrong person

So agree with this. I had a friend who was pushed into marriage by her mum. It was a total disaster, he lived in another country and never came to join her in the UK as agreed even after she fell pregnant. To this day he’s never met their son who is now eight. They are now divorced.

OP this must all be tough to read.

Try to imagine this was a friend or a younger cousin or sister telling you about this happening.to them. Then read back through the posts and see if you see it differently

You might want to settle down and have a family OP, but you don't want to do it with this guy. 2 months in is the honeymoon best behaviour phase and he's gaslighting you about the plans you'd made, controlling you, accusing you of cheating and getting you to pay for everything. If this is him at his best it is only down hill from here and he is not man you want to have a kid with and be tied to for life.

He didn't come to yours as agreed and then accuses you of cheating?!

Oh, fuck him right off. He's trouble.

I actually said 'Oh my God!' out loud when I got to the bit where he immediately accused you of cheating and lying.

Dump him. Block him. Move on.

You don't need this in your life.

Because he’s a petulant child.

Think about your relationship as it actually is rather than how you’d like it to be.

He wanted you to go to his. You (perfectly reasonably) said you didn’t fancy it and agreed to go out near you. He didn’t contact you and then pretended you should be at his. Then tried to make you pay for food you didn’t ask him to buy. THEN accuses you of cheating with zero foundation.

You would be an idiot to stay with him.

No, bin him. He can eat whatever he bought.
Move on. It’s not that he’s broke, it’s his shitty attitude.

This is him, at his best, early in a relationship dealing with a misunderstanding. He’s accused you of cheating and sent you an invoice for food.

Now picture him in ten years’ time when you have two kids.

I would be furious with him,

He didn't respect your needs to not always be meeting as his flat. He tried to shoehorn in his wants with no regard to what you had voiced He reacted extremely badly when the loose plans didn't come to what he wanted, even if it had been a miscommunication, where was his understanding, kindness and civility toward someone he is in a relationship with? He pestered you with phonecalls, then accused of lying and cheating, clearly didn't believe you and doesn't trust you. He then tried to get money out of you for food that you didn't ask him to buy? There is a LOT going on with him, there are a million better ways he could have handled this, why did he attack you and make accusations over you not doing something you had clearly told him you didn't want to do. Challenge your acceptance of his reaction OP, imagine how a supportive partner might have reacted because that's what you deserve in response to your honesty.

I know this sounds silly. But I am 30 years old. I have been single for many years and longing a family.
I think that maybe this making you not see the truth of the situation? Your longing for a family may be blinding you to the truth of what he's really like - you're just trying to make him fit your ideals?

I wanted to know if I was in the right or not.

Yes, there is absolutley nothng wrong in letting him know what you want :)

I have been trying to contact him to out things straight but he has blocked my number.
Why on earth has has he blocked you? - it's not a normal reaction at all. He sounds like a petulant child who's having a tantrum because he can't get his own way,

If your sister, or your friend asked for your advice in this situation, what would you say? x

I doubt very much that it’s cultural.Some of the tightest people I know are English, so not sure what pp’s comment was about.
He just sounds like being unemployed has done him in.
OP, if your family keeps asking you about marriage, etc, relever you’re the one who is going to be in the marriage, not them. Don’t be pushed into being in a committed relationship with the wrong person.

@Gymnasticsalltheway I couldn't just pick up then and there as I was in discussion with a few colleagues and they were doing a presentation. I thought he could hold on for a couple of hours and would call him straight back.

A presentation that goes on for hours with no breaks?

Gymnastics indeed.

I'd go back to the first line of your first post, which you've just reinforced:

I am in a new relationship with a man since being single for many years.

That is not a good enough reason to be in a relationship with this one.

He is selfish, expects you to do all the travelling, and when you ask him to do something different says 'OK' then completely ignores the discussion, once more expecting you to do all the work of travelling. Gets angry because you didn't read his mind that OK meant No. Accuses you of cheating and lying.

C'mon OP, you're not THAT desperate. Stop trying to minimise this and excusing him because 'stress'. You may be unhappy that you're still single, but you'll have decades of unhappiness ahead of you if you don't let this one go.

Don't be a woman who believes she needs a man, any man.

I’ve been unemployed numerous times. The last time was 2018 and I made looking for a new role a full time job in itself, for 6 weeks until I started getting interviews.

I declined any dates during that period too, as I didn’t think it was the right time to date. I even had a former colleague who I knew had a crush offer me help but I declined!

But if I’d just started dating someone recently when I lost my job I’d have let them know the situation and probably suggest pausing things until I was back on my feet because I’d be embarrassed to rely on someone i’d just started seeing and I wouldn’t want to take out my stress on them as looking for jobs can be very demoralising!

OP, I know it’s tough when you see others meet their life partners and you don’t seem to have found yours but this wasn’t your man! You deserve someone who will plan and take you on dates, travel to see you, and not ask for £20 back for food or accuse you of cheating. You really need to raise your standards and don’t be afraid to date across a wide range of cultures in order to find your match.

He sounds unhappy and struggling with self esteem due to his job situation, (some) men like that can be very toxic and jealous and they will attempt to control their partner in an effort to feel better about themselves.

Also it could be projection- it’s possibly he’s cheating or plans to. One sign of a cheat can be someone who avoids being seen in public with you.

Your self respect clearly

Don’t pay him just block. Sounds like a bunny boiler 😅

That tells you everything you need to know right there! "He's blocked my number"
Don't let ANYONE treat you less then you deserve, he clearly won't make effort for you, he accuses you of lying and cheating, he asks for money back that he spent, he's screaming red flags, all this in the first 2 months is never good, regardless of your friends getting married/engaged/pregnancies, find yourself, be happy alone and the right one will come along, sweep you off your feet and treat you like the queen you deserve to be treated like

No, don't pay him.
The food can go in the fridge or freezer for another day.
Plus, you said to him you weren't going to his.
He's a cheap pathetic batrd, you can do better, anyone can.

Yes… he’s a tight arse. Bought food you didn’t ask for.
Biggest red flag and turn off is he out of the blue accused you of cheating just because things weren’t going to his plan ( which he made without consulting you). You’ve not known him that long. How will he be a year down the line ?

Dump like a tonne if bricks !!