Should I pay boyfriend back

Tally up what you've spent to help him out, send him a screenshot, and tell him you'll generously deduct the 20 from - playing by the rules of his childish, insulting tantrum - what he owes you if he promises to never bother you again.

No man has ever accused me of cheating or hounded me for £20 and I dated quite a few frogs before I found Mr Cream. He is abusing you and you should be in the honeymoon stage with each showing your best face and having fun. I just can't understand why you would continue this. I'd pay him the £20 and consider it cheap at the price to get rid of the weirdo. I'd be blocking his number right after.

His first reaction when you told him you weren't coming was to accuse you of cheating. That is a HUGE red flag that you ignore at your own peril. He does not consider you an equal in this relationship, and he expects you to do the majority of the work in keeping it going, such as always traveling to his.

He's not a keeper. Please don't be so desperate to have a man, any man, that you're willing to put up with his shit.

He is NOT great, op. He has accused you of lying and cheating. He sounds like a spectacular arsehole, and this is the 'honeymoon period.'

I don't care about the stress of his employment status. People cope with that and worse, and don't act like this.

He's horrible. Run a mile, then run another one.

A couple of months into a relationship, a good healthy relationship with a man who values you, you should be feeling treasured. Special. Worth a lot of effort, if he is a ‘boyfriend’ or ‘partner’.

This man makes you do all the running. He doesn’t travel to see you. He doesn’t get off his arse. He accepts money and food. You told him no, you wanted to meet in town. He then gaslights you and threatens you, and accuses you of shit.

If he behaves like this after only a couple of months he will get worse.

All your friends, getting married… ask them if their partners behaved like this in the first couple of months of the relationship … or ever.

They will say no.

He is manipulative. He knows you are naive and want serious relationship- so he is using this to get what he wants - sex on a tap when it's convenient for him.
You are young - aim higher - you deserve better than this.

This. Presumably he ate his half.
Block. He sounds vile.

Dump him and run for the hills. This guy sounds like a little man baby and a walking red flag. Don't pay him back either.

Yes!

Don't pay him. His reasoning is 100% flawed. A man who tries to gaslight and guilt trip you, then accuses you of cheating, TWO MONTJS INTO a new relationship is not a man you want to hitch your wagon to. Be glad he's shown you his true colours now and not when you're saddled with his children.

Consider his blocking the end of your relationship and work on your self worth.

Don't stay with him just because you don't want to be single. You could miss out on the right person.
if he's accusing you of cheating it's not a great start, irrespective of the money thing. There are jobs everywhere if you are willing to take one rather than be unemployed. You would regret having children with this man.

run for the hills

Seriously?

If you don't see it then you've got problems

I think this might be the first 100% AIBU I have ever seen!

Yes this. I know it feels like everyone is moving forward and you feel stuck but you are still young and you will meet someone else. Don't let this feeling rush you into something that isn't right for you. Even if he is stressed about money the accusations are unacceptable. He is showing you who he is: someone who will upset you and accuse you of terrible things, he's paranoid and trying to control you. Move on. He's not someone who will make you happy.

Luckily for you it sounds like he's dumped you, but please please please do a lot of reading on healthy relationships and red flags before dating anybody else.

Bin. Not father material and clearly little more than a child himself emotionally. Throw him back. You need to do better than this if you are serious about settling down and having kids.

It’s funny so many of these red pill type podcasters or even those writing about the “male loneliness epidemic” will go on about women being golddiggers and or men being used for their assets etc but the truth is a lot of women will be happy with just a decent man who is trying his best. Big bucks aren’t required.

The real problem is men who are unemployed or earn a below average income may only be able to get certain type of women and then what I’ve found is they resent those women instead of being thankful for them. Because deep down those aren’t the women they want. And they then take out their frustration on the “ordinary” women who they feel they’ve “settled” for.

They will simultaneously be jealous of the woman if she earns more while trying to financially benefit from her.

This man will probably remix this story for years to come saying that his ex demanded extravagant dates from him when he was down on his luck. When the truth is it was his lack of effort and manipulation combined with the accusations and then blocking that has lost him the relationship.

A job loss and money problems can happen to anyone. That, and the stress around it, are understandable. The red flag here is how quickly he jumped to accusing you of of cheating.

"most people who post here are extremely wealthy"

What posts are you reading? I think it's probably the opposite.

My parents are also from Nigeria and I was born and grew up in the UK so I relate with you.

I think mumsnet can be very black and white about these issues and throw out the LTB or end it posts very quickly but for your situation I see where they are coming from.

His accusations of you cheating etc because you didn't pick up your phone is wrong and disrespectful, and that's how abusive control starts. You get to the point where you don't want to upset him or you don't want him to have any concerns you are cheating etc so you change yourself and the things you do to fit what he expects from you. I get that he is under stress but that is no justification whatsoever to react that way and disrespect you by accusing you of cheating.

You're both at fault for the miscommunication, you should have confirmed before you went out. I know you said it was kinda left open ended and you didn't want to bother him but lesson learned, next time make your plans concrete and confirm if yes or no.

Since you don't want to move on I would say have a serious conversation with him to let him know how you feel and explain why his reaction is unacceptable and hopefully you can both reach an agreement on how to handle such disagreements in the future.

But be careful because when a man acts this way after just a few months of dating, things usually get worse as you get deeper into the relationship, get married, have kids etc. all these phases of life bring their own challenges and stress. Is he going to treat you this way everytime you or your relationship faces any challenges? Is this the type of guy who will use the silent treatment etc to control and manipulate you?

I get you feel your getting older and want to settle down and that's great but don't let that pressure make you ignore all the red flags until you get trapped.

So in summary, speak to him and see if you can find a path forward, but go ahead with the relationship with your eyes wide open before you commit to marriage, children etc because it gets harder to split at that point.

Regarding the payment, in the interest of moving forward you can split it. Frankly I would find nitpicking over money in a relationship to this level unattractive but I am assuming it's just because he is struggling at the moment and he he has a job he was more generous.

Goodluck.

Right now he is struggling financially and cannot be eating out or doing any entertaining until he gets a job.

He is under too much financial stress.

Give him the £20, and he needs get a job.

When I was in a bad relationship, I used to envy women who were single.

People are usually on their best behaviour early in the dating game because they know they can’t attract anyone with their natural personality. You have just got some insight into his true personality, as he could not maintain it forever.

Observing the way people act when under stress is a useful way of deciding if someone is suitable long term relationship material.

Once you have kids with a man like that it’s difficult to get away, even if you end the relationship.

Learn from those of us who are older and naively went into those kind of relationships.

You've missed out blocking her when she tried to ring him back.

Why? WHY??

Verbatim from your 1st post:

"Unfortunately, things have been tense since the company he worked for closed down and now he is out of employment."

"He then accused me of cheating and lying about where I was."

"He then got upset and said that he is expecting me to pay him back either way, accused me of cheating and got a bit angry over the phone."

Surely that's enough.

Ffs bin the guy op and please don’t have a child with him - how can you not see how awful he is?!!