Should I pay boyfriend back

I’m with the ‘dump him train’ of thought. I think the red flags are that he is: controlling, unkind, unpleasant and shows coercive behaviour to name a few. And this is just from these few posts.

Don’t settle for mutton when you can have prime.

OP, I think being 30 and your west african heritage, you are probably feeling the pressure of 'Have you got someone?' 'When are you getting married?' etc.

Your person will come.

This disrespectful, insecure, horrible, heavily-red-flagged individual IS NOT your person.

There are times in life when we look back, we see how certain decisions took us down a path in life. For you, this will be that time.
It doesn't look like this will be a path to happiness, fulfillment, content, support, sharing, kindness, love, consistency, reliability etc that having a partner is supposed to be.

He has blocked you, be thankful.
Leave him be.
Don't chase him.
Do not contact him again.
Do not speak to him again. Ever.

You are 30. You are still young. You will meet your person. Strength your boundaries. Value yourself.

Block and dump because if this is how he treats you now, married with children will be much worse.
What he has done is unbalanced, unfair and he doesn't see what you bring, only what he brings.
He's also accusing you of something you didn't do. This will be your life.

30 is not old, and not the reason to stay. Muster some self respect, there is someone much better out there.
(He won't change, don't bother trying. You'll only waste more time.)

The issue has fuck all to do with him being unemployed. He's leeching off his girlfriend. And why should she answer the phone at a work event?

Why? Because he's mean, rude and controlling?? You've been with him a matter of weeks, you shouldn't be calling him a 'DP' and you shouldn't be allowing him to talk to you this way.

If you really can't see it, you shouldn't be looking for a relationship. Men like him will walk all over you and expect you to thank them for it.

Because this isn't actually about money (although even if it were, it's quite offputting that he's asking you for all/50 percent of 20 pounds for some pizza that could be eaten tomorrow, but the way he's acting is like he'd bought concert tickets and you ditched those plans for a work event). More concerning is everything he's done/said to you sounds like someone that has form for being quite manipulative or controlling in order to get his own way. You've done absolutely nothing wrong today but he's trying to guilt you and accusing you out of the blue. I think it'll probably get worse as time goes on and you've seen his true colours tonight.

You are scraping the bottom of the barrel with this one. He might be worried about his employment situation but that's no excuse to sponge off you, be selfish with meet ups and then react like this when you suggest meeting closer to yours. He also didn't confirm the arrangement but just assumed he could decide last minute where and what you'd do together and you'd fall in line. Seriously, stay away from him, he's bad news.

Another vote for dumping him.

He ignored what you'd said about plans (although I would have confirmed with him on the day). Bought food you didn't ask him to buy.

He accused you of lying and cheating.

Then he blocked you.

He's not a great guy and I promise you OP if you stay with him this behaviour will only get worse. He's controlling and gaslighting.

You say you want a family etc but that doesn't mean you should settle for someone who isn't right for you and will likely be a shit partner and father.

Would you want to be married to a man like that?

Do you want to be accused of cheating if things don't go his way? Maybe once you have children he will tell them how terrible you are.

Do you want to be with someone who puts no effort into meeting you halfway, ignores what you say and goes ahead and purchases things despite you firmly stating your boundaries and then harasses you and accuses you?

I promise it is better to be single than with someone like this.

His behaviour is filled with red flags and people who act like this usually turn out to be much more abusive once they have you trapped into marriage and motherhood.

He doesn’t value YOUR time. He assumed you’re going to be grateful for any time he makes avails and run at short notice like you are picking up breadcrumbs in a forest. He assumes you WILL be available. Very arrogant. He is cheap - not generous. Please don’t have babies with this man. Do you honestly see him being an equal partner in this relationship?
Give him £10 - half of what he spent and tell him not to contact you again. Have some self-esteem.

He accused you of cheating. I think that's reason enough.

You appear to be missing the fact that he's a scrounging man who has little respect for you, doesn't communicate and expects you to do what he wants

Don’t send him money! He still has all the food and you have none of the food. He sounds awful. Bin him.

This. It’s a lucky escape op. You can and will do better.

I disagree with sending him any money. He'll just be back for more

He's angry, tight, doesn't listen, ignores what you say, accuses you of lying and cheating, I mean yeah, sounds like a catch, I can see why you wouldn't want to dump him and would want kids with this sheer delight of a man.

Eurgh. Meanness and a lack of effort on his part is such a turn off. He should be keen and excited to see you and make things work. He isn’t.
Read the red flags you are getting from us. He isn’t going to change.

Everyone is saying to bin him because you keep listing dumping offences.

No way would I put up with a man this petty, childish, and jealous.

No savings and he's quibbling over £20?

Run away fast!

The accusations of cheating is a huge red flag for controlling behaviour. Then there’s the lack of effort on his part to meet you half way, and his angry, accusatory overreaction when there’s been a miscommunication.

He’s insecure, has a controlling side and can’t take responsibility for his own part when things go wrong. If he’s like this a few months in, how will he be in a year or two once he’s comfortable?? When things get tough? When there are babies in the mix?

I get how you feel but don’t let your longing for a family set up see you attached for life to a man like this. You deserve a better partner and you will find him.

Really? That's really sad (being genuine, not rude). It's a new relationship but he's already accusing you of lying and cheating, sends you a demanding screenshot that you pay him back for pizza (especially after you've been paying for food etc!) and can't seem to commit to a simple plan or make the effort to come to you.

is this honestly a man you want to invest time in - especially if this is how he behaves at the start of the relationship when everyone is on best behaviour?!

Do any of you that post this stuff honestly not just take a breath, pause, read back and think, "Fuck that'?! Because you should!

My take is that he heard you say no, thought well I’ll buy the stuff and when she finds out the plan I’ll guilt her into coming over here as she knows I’ve spent money. Then when you didn’t contact him he riled himself up.

think about what your boundaries mean to you op and if this is the kind of relationship you want.

You do not owe him.

nothing was confirmed. He showed up and made a decision to purchase food. Did he do this with the expectation you would go halves had you eaten together? If so, that is crazy.

if he didn’t, but asking now then he is vindictive, and also jealous and triggering you to think you’re wrong.

this may be the wake up call he needs to find new employment and stop whining like a baby.