Should I pay boyfriend back

Op, the fact you are 30 does not mean you need to be with a manipulative manchild that accuses you of cheating and blocks your number because you didn't do what he wanted you to.

Is that honestly the future you want? Someone this nasty and petty when he's stressed? That doesn't listen to you? It won't get better, only worse as he gets more comfortable. End it, chalk it up to a bad experience, and look for someone new. This guy isn't going to give you a happy life.

His reaction to this situation is very concerning. Ignoring your clear "no" to coming over to his, not communicating/compromising with you, accusing you of lying and cheating (WTF!! ), getting aggressive on the phone, then demanding money for something that you hadn't agreed to! These are all massive red flags. I suspect over time he will become he will become more demanding, controlling, aggressive and abusive. Sack him off OP, keep yourself safe and happy.

Don’t tie yourself to a manipulative loser just because you desperately want a family. You’re only 30 so you’ve got several years to find a decent bloke who treats you kindly and fairly and doesn’t try to manipulate the narrative.

Read some of the threads on here from women who overlooked their partners shortcomings because they also wanted a family and assumed they magically improve and now they’re stuck with someone who isn’t kind, treats them badly, cheats or wants 50/50 access to the children to save having to pay maintenance.

I met DH in my late 30’s and had children in my early 40’s. Don’t settle for a rubbish man at this stage. You’ll have a lifetime of regrets.

Mumsnet advice can be pretty harsh sometimes but seems much needed here. He has shown you who he is. You need to get out while you can.

He has shown you who he is under pressure. You do not want to be with someone who behaves like this under pressure. You do not want to have children and parent with someone who behaves like this under pressure. Being married or in a LTR and having children has ups and downs, how they behave in the downs is critical to the success of a partnership. He has shown you that behaviour and you need to pay attention. Don't be having children with someone who behaves like this. They are not husband or father material

Have you heard about the Freedom Programme? It would be worth your while doing it to ensure that any future relationships you have are healthy.

All of this.

I'd send him a message saying that because the last communication you had between each other was that HE was going to either meet you halfway between yours and his or he was going to come to yours and then you heard nothing back following that, until he demanded money for food you neither ordered nor wanted, along with the insinuation that you were cheating on him because you didn't immediately answer your phone, you're no longer interested in pursuing a relationship with him and you wish him well but he isn't to contact you again.

As he's blocked your number, he clearly doesn't like being told no - so I'd use this time to box up any of his belongings that he may have left at your place so you can hand it to him at the door (should he turn up) and don't let him in.

Yes, I can understand how it can be upsetting to hear how your colleagues are settling down and starting families but your time will come but you need to learn to love yourself first (so the red flags that were waving in relation to this bloke) stand out clearer to you and you can find your diamond and not have to settle for a piece of coal!

Not sure why the quote didn't attach to the above. It was a reply to this.

Extremely wealthy? Really? Have you done a survey?

I think it’s far more likely that out of the thousands of subscribers the majority have pretty average incomes and that includes people like me who have experience of unemployment and poverty. Currently our income is well below average and due to DH’s health issues, which is unlikely to improve any time soon.

Also, re: the phone calls. If you’re at work/a work event, why would anyone answer their phone to their boyfriend? That would be weird.

But why should she answer when at work (a work event is work)? If she were a surgeon you wouldn’t expect her to interrupt her work. Why should any other job be different?

He ignored your 'no'.

That's what you're missing.

You said no, he went ahead anyway and is now having a massive strop and punishing you because you wouldn't simply.

Having the temerity to charge you for the plan you didn't agree to is the icing on the cake. But even without that he should be gone from.yoir life.

Never stay with a man who ignores your 'no'. He's not a good man. He's not a safe man. Get rid.

Pay him back so he has no need to contact you again and dump him , huge red flags.

Don't pay him. For what? For buying food you didn't ask for and didn't eat? For calling you at work (where you earn money)? As a reward for accusing you? You're not his personal welfare state. Why are people saying to pay him? Are you all in with him and going to get £3 each for a fancy coffee?

I hope you're joking...
You've been helping him out and he wants you to pay for the food he decided to buy for you after you told him you wouldn't be going??? And he couldn't make the efforts to come your way, it's just YOU who makes the effort apparently

And worse, he gets angry and accuses you of lying and cheating, when you're supposed in the honeymoon phase in the relationship?
Open your eyes, this will get much worse!
Pay him or not, but please DO run for the his!

This.

Why give him money for not listening and then not communicating. OP needs that £20 to get herself a nice treat now as she moves on.

Er...because he's a twat?

Seriously you can do better than this. Believe it and find your self respect. And don't pay him any money. He's got the food so he can eat it.

He blocked you when he deserved to be blocked. Anyways, don't settle for this kind. 30 is young, you deserve better.

I hope to God no one is this naive.

Surely the OP is having a giraffe?

He’s screwing you over now for £20. Imagine how much worse he could get if you get financially enmeshed with him. E.g. using rent money for something else.

Just let him go.

This is a waste of time and energy.

Dating should not be like this - you've described something very toxic .

There are much nicer men out there.

You've got 5 more years before you need to 'panic' over finding a man and having babies.

My friend's DD met her H at 32, married 2 years later and now has a baby at 35. She kissed a lot of frogs before but was good at weeding out the idiots.

Fairly new relationship, and he’s already accusing you of cheating and lying, and getting petty over £20 when you never told him you were coming in the first place.

You seem keen to hang onto him, because it’s your first relationship for a while and you want to start a family. However you can do much better than this person.

Just block him and find someone else. Huge red flag

It's very very difficult to manage on unemployment benefits so I can understand the struggle. Every penny has to be accounted for. It's horrific if you are single with no children as you get the lowest amount.

However this guy is using you as a meal ticket.

I wonder if he also didn't want to come near your friends and family as he is scamming multiple women and doesn't want to risk anyone finding out or recognising him. Hence the reluctance to leave his home!

Hence the accusations of you seeing someone else. That's in his mind as that's what HE is doing!

However there seems to be a breakdown in communication so for that reason alone i'd give him either the £20 or a contribution towards that if you prefer. £15 to cover the cost of the food you ms share. Or £10 if you want to go halfers.

Block. Move on.

I wonder if he ever worked at all or if he just scams women for sex and groceries....

Anyway there are plenty of fish in the sea. Many women have partners snd children etc but they aren't happy. They settled. Better to be single than in tow with a loser who will take all your money...

I have no idea either he sounds a Prince amongst men!! Definitely a "keeper".

I am soooooo jel-bags! How did you find such a caring, generous, thoughtful, kind man @Gymnasticsalltheway - please give me some tips 😂