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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being unreasonable?

32 replies

4405cd · 29/09/2024 21:33

So a friend sends dates to other friend for a potential catch up for following week . Friend doesn’t reply due to being busy ,so the other friend makes other arrangements . Am wondering if the friend who tried to arrange should have informed other friend when she made alternative plans , or should friend have responded in an appropriate time ? YABU give friend more time and not make alternative plan ,YANBU…friend should have replied to confirm a date .
New to MN so cannot work out the voting system !!

OP posts:
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Skyrainlight · 30/09/2024 08:28

Perfectly fine to make other plans if your friend hasn't responded. That's on them for not replying.

Week01 · 29/09/2024 23:00

BeMintBee · 29/09/2024 21:49

How about just posting the full context? So boring when OP just write one sentence at a time in response to other posters questions 🙄 no one want to read through a hundred posts to piece together the actual event!

So boring when people comment rude replies, just don't read if you don't like it.

Original poster
4405cd · 29/09/2024 22:39

DeliciousApples · 29/09/2024 22:17

Nobody should reply a whole week after an invite to say whether or not they will attend.

I'd expect a reply the following day!

It wasn’t an actual invitation it was a date to potentially meet up . Agree ,that a reply within a couple of days is reasonable. Unless contacting adult children 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
4405cd · 29/09/2024 22:34

BabyR · 29/09/2024 22:10

The friend who didn’t reply is the unreasonable one. Nobody should have to wait around for others. They could have said they would let them know.

Agree . Thank you.

OP posts:
DeliciousApples · 29/09/2024 22:17

Nobody should reply a whole week after an invite to say whether or not they will attend.

I'd expect a reply the following day!

BabyR · 29/09/2024 22:10

The friend who didn’t reply is the unreasonable one. Nobody should have to wait around for others. They could have said they would let them know.

Original poster
4405cd · 29/09/2024 22:06

Ok,thank you for replies .I now fully understand that I am not being unreasonable .
It’s scary how nowadays we do question our judgement. If my lovely Mum was still alive she would have said the same as everyone on MN 😊

OP posts:
Mill3nnial · 29/09/2024 22:02

Haven't read the full thread but when you send a number of dates to another person I don't think there's an implication or obligation to keep those dates free for a period of time and if the other person takes their time to respond then they might find the first person is not free any more

Circumferences · 29/09/2024 22:02

^ there's a random bullet point I didn't put that in myself

Circumferences · 29/09/2024 22:01

I wasn't sure initially, because if it's like
"Hi, fancy a coffee at the Costa after work later?

  • no reply so went straight home instead
I wouldn't think anyone was rude. It's just one of those things.

But given that there was no reply for a whole week, that's just blatant rude. I'd reconsider wanting to arrange anything else in future!

Original poster
4405cd · 29/09/2024 22:01

BeMintBee · 29/09/2024 21:59

no you didn’t give full context you gave the bare minimum.

Show quote history

I gave the scenario..sorry if it was not detailed enough! I tried to keep neutral with my OP .

OP posts:
BeMintBee · 29/09/2024 22:00

Either way though your friend is rude!

BeMintBee · 29/09/2024 21:59

4405cd · 29/09/2024 21:53

I gave context but didn’t want to influence replies. Absolutely not necessary to be rude!

Show quote history

no you didn’t give full context you gave the bare minimum.

Original poster
4405cd · 29/09/2024 21:58

DeedlessIndeed · 29/09/2024 21:55

I think B is completely unreasonable. If she has forgotten or been too busy to respond, then it happens, but it is her problem, not A's.

B needs to apologise to A for being flaky and take the lead in planning the next meet up. She should not get arsy when she was the one who dropped the ball.

Thank you . You have validated my thoughts. I was actually questioning whether I should have just kept all the dates free…I have many close friends and I always reply and confirm as soon as I get a chance.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 29/09/2024 21:56

B is definitely the unreasonable one - they can’t expect friend A to just with the date free whilst B makes up her mind. It does sound like B was keeping options open in case she got a better offer. Very rude of B!

DeedlessIndeed · 29/09/2024 21:55

I think B is completely unreasonable. If she has forgotten or been too busy to respond, then it happens, but it is her problem, not A's.

B needs to apologise to A for being flaky and take the lead in planning the next meet up. She should not get arsy when she was the one who dropped the ball.

Original poster
4405cd · 29/09/2024 21:55

PayYourselfFirst · 29/09/2024 21:52

B is
Sounds like they are a keeping options open type who then got snotty because their friend did something else
Tough

Yes that’s what I thought ,but interested to see if I was being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 29/09/2024 21:54

If the person didn't respond shoulthe other put thier life on hold waiting?

Of course they. Made other plans

13Ghosts · 29/09/2024 21:54

Friend A needs to stop contacting B to try to arrange anything. They are too rude to respond, A should just live their life and ignore B.

Jagley · 29/09/2024 21:54

Friend B is rude, they weren't too busy to sent a quick text for an entire week.

Original poster
4405cd · 29/09/2024 21:53

BeMintBee · 29/09/2024 21:49

How about just posting the full context? So boring when OP just write one sentence at a time in response to other posters questions 🙄 no one want to read through a hundred posts to piece together the actual event!

I gave context but didn’t want to influence replies. Absolutely not necessary to be rude!

OP posts:
PayYourselfFirst · 29/09/2024 21:52

B is
Sounds like they are a keeping options open type who then got snotty because their friend did something else
Tough

NewName24 · 29/09/2024 21:49

So I fancy doing something next Sunday, and ask my mate, but hear nothing back.
You "My friend" is now cross because, having not heard anything, I decide to do something else ?

Of course I was entitled to go off and do something else, and no, of course I don't need to 'inform her' of what I am doing. "My friend" wasn't interested.

arethereanyleftatall · 29/09/2024 21:49

In that case, B is completely unreasonable. How rude.

BeMintBee · 29/09/2024 21:49

How about just posting the full context? So boring when OP just write one sentence at a time in response to other posters questions 🙄 no one want to read through a hundred posts to piece together the actual event!