Made to feel unimportant on my birthday

I think you have every right to be upset OP.
It is not about feeling a child with no teddy.
It is about the effort you put into your family 24/7.
As you have a very different diet now it would have been a nice surprise for your family to have a few appropriate treats - I am sorry but an offer to go the nearest shop to get a loaf isn’t exactly thoughtful.
My dad was absolutely hopeless with presents and my mum knew that. They both grew up with nothing. But he made sure I had a few funds in advance to make sure she had some nice gifts. Which I obviously sourced 😂
I think they have taken you for granted, apart from your DD at Uni - some flowers and a nice breakfast don’t cost much.
You shouldn’t have to voice your own ‘needs’ on your own birthday. It’s not bloody rocket science!

Are you 8?

We don't do loads for eachothers birthdays now the kids are adults - unless it's a big one - but someone always makes or buys a cake for and sets up a mini buffet type afternoon late lunch. On a big birthday we might go out for a meal depending on budgets. We don't usually do gifts either unless a token one like chocolates or a bottle of wine.

I think it's normal to hope for more and expect more from your family and close friends though, especially when you do the lions share of organising for others.

I feel your pain OP!

I had a shit 50th birthday. Despite previously mentioning to DH very clearly that I’d like a meal out, nothing was planned and I was still expected to cook breakfast, lunch & dinner for the 3 of us as usual. Presents inc. bars of chocolate and absolutely nothing special.

I’d bought him an expensive ££££ electric guitar for his 50th a few years earlier…!

Sadly even my old friends overseas didn’t make an effort as they thought I was ‘only 49’. I only know this because they sent big bouquets of flowers etc. and cards with 50th on the following year. Must say, I thought that was quite amusing.

However, I did make a fuss at the time (might have stropped a bit too) and I haven’t let him forget…!

It’s my 60th next year and he’s planning a lovely holiday with a naice hotel etc. No expense spared. DH doesn’t like holidays much either so our last proper one not involving visiting friends or family was over 10 yrs ago.

When he asked if I’d like to go away for my 60th, I decided not to risk disappointment and I’ve had some input into the arrangements. 😁

Happy birthday 🎂

May I suggest that you need to take control !

In our family, we decide what we want to do on our birthday.
Sometimes we book a meal, holiday or tickets for a day out in advance, ready for the day.

If you wanted breakfast or a meal out, then you should have gone out !

Xxxx if I am going to be doing laundry & life admin on my birthday !!!

I think we’d all like others to be thoughtful and do nice things but if you’re the one who does all this for everyone else, they’re not used to it. I think you need to tell people what you’d like in advance, prime them and remind them.
but yes you’re family were crap here

People are being way too hard on you - you SHOULD be made a fuss of on your birthday, it’s your day and you’re important and should be celebrated! And you shouldn’t have to spell it
all out 6/4/2 weeks in advance as that’s ANOTHER BLOODY JOB FOR YOU. I bet they don’t have to give lists/maps etc for you to make their days special. I’m a grown up too and the only difference between us is that I would have flounced out for the day and done whatever I wanted and loved it. Happy belated birthday to you - I hope you get an apology too!

You sound like my least fun aunt, who is a millionaire but makes a point of never giving anyone birthday or Christmas presents.

It's no use OP: you're going to have to communicate far more transparently about what it is you want. It's pointless having a clear set of expectations that you don't tell others about, then becoming all upset when these are not met.

You're not being unreasonable about the gifts: that is really disappointing and shows a want of care.

I suspect this is a bigger issue than your actual birthday since the chores and household admin tasks seem to fall to you by default. You could choose to view your unhappy birthday as having presented an opportunity here, so give yourself the greatest belated birthday gift ever: take it. Delegate those tasks. Decide the changes that are necessary in your family set up, articulate these, and insist that they are carried out. And if they're not, they get strictly left. Drop the rope.

If you're being taken for granted this won't get better on its own. But you need to be the one to have the courage to demand better.

I'm sorry you've had a rough year capped by a damp squib of a birthday and hope things start to look up for you soon. 🌹

That's DH's family, funnily enough he hasn't wanted to repeat it with his own family and he says they are joyless. Even though we are on the bones of our arses, we like to at least give a bit of time to make someone we love feel special on one day of the year.

I’m sorry you had a bad day but you did lose me pretty much straight away- you sound like you like things just so, but they’d preempted that and so hadn’t chosen about the shop. Op I used to hang a lot on birthdays etc- you need to start chilling out a bit, treating yourself so it’s not a big deal. Also loads of hints in advance!!! To be really honest you need to have a talk with them, apologise for being so ott but tell them you were disappointed

I'd have been bloody livid. This is typical taking mums for granted behaviour and having no respect for you. They would be doing their own laundry, cooking and cleaning from now on and I'd be living my best life.
My ex H used to go into a massive sulk on every one of my birthdays and would sit there on the meal out that I had organised not saying a single word just looking miserable.
Make this year your year and do whatever the hell you want.

I'm really sorry. You're not a drama llama AT ALL! A small present, even some flowers picked from the garden and a bar of chocolate from the garage would have been more thoughtful. I think indifference is the hardest thing to stomach, and they were indifferent to you.

Well done to your youngest though for having the foresight to send a card from uni - that is actually quite unusual for a young person to send actual snail mail (stamps and everything!) so I think that shows that your hard work in creating special birthdays for them has rubbed off in some small way.

Exactly! Me and my kids always get each other caterpillar cakes for our birthdays - it's just a fun little cheap thing. The one whose birthday it is gets the face (the best bit!). It's really not hard to do small, inexpensive things to acknowledge someone's birthday and not doing anything just looks like the OP is totally taken for granted, and that's a bit sad really.

You know to make arrangements with your friends. I would have left them to it and gone out.

I would match energy for their birthdays.

I think your family treated you appallingly @Patheticbirthday**
FFS, how tricky is it to pick up a card from a shop, some croissants, cake and a little present? It's not like you were expecting a Cartier watch!
Also the fact that they were having a laugh playing video games while you were sat on your own and not even an offer of a takeaway, together with giving you the cold shoulder since - nah. I wouldn't be making any effort for their birthdays. See how they like it.
Happy belated birthday to you

I think it's time you sat down together and had a chat about expectations moving forward. Now that one DC is off to Uni it sounds like it's time for a fresh start in terms of household chores (and expectations around birthdays moving forward). They're giving you the silent treatment because they feel guilty at how much they've upset you and should apologise for their inaction. Maybe they're so used to you stepping up and doing it all that they just don't think? It's time for change - and consistency withthat change moving forward. Good luck!

I agree. I don't understand this notion of having to tell your nearest and dearest you'd like your birthday acknowledged. If the OP organises nice things for everyone else, then it's only common courtesy to reciprocate - at least on some level. C'mon, you'd have to be pretty thick not to join the dots.

Their efforts weren't very impressive but you made things worse OP by expecting they would read your mind, acting like a martyr, not communicating your wishes, hiding away waiting for things to change, sulking etc..

You also sound hard to please, and childish.

Did you tell your husband what you'd intended the ingredients that you purchased to be used for before he cooked a roast dinner? Did the rest of the family enjoy the dinner? Do they all understand your dietary restrictions, or have you hoped they would just work it out? Are you consistent, (as hoping for a croissant doesn't sound consistent with not eating a home made biscuit)?

Who has decided that your way of planning birthdays for DC is the right way and what they want? Is it your idea of what to do, or theirs?

Maybe they have grown a bit tired of this dynamic and disengaged which is a shame, and not very generous spirited, but I think it maybe worth getting curious and challenging your perceptions of your own place in the situation.

They could just have asked her, ahead of her birthday. It happens every year, it's not as if they don't know when it is.

If sounds like you went sulking in your bedroom instead of saying what you would like. Tell them what suitable foods for your illness you would like then suggest going out somewhere like the cinema. They may be very unsure what nice things to get if you are recently diagnosed with diabetes.

I'm sorry. I'd have been hurt and disappointed too. I am still recovering from the fact my son made absolutely zero effort for Mother's Day - it's kind of a joke between us now but I was pretty upset at the time. Some people don't think birthdays are that important but I still think if you live with someone who does, then you should show them the basic respect of honouring their birthday. Your DH and DD just sound a bit lazy and rubbish tbh - and why are they still not talking to you?! Seems like a massive overreaction.

Being honest, if anyone in our household expected this, I’d be doing my best to ensure a work trip co-ordinated with their birthdays. What a palaver. We used to do a present and cake when kids were primary school age (and party, which is where you got your cake, not on your actual birthday as that would be two cakes), but once they reached high school they were old enough to understand it’s just another day and noone’s indulging Hallmark making up yet another ‘occasion’. We just say happy birthday when we see the person on the day (everyone in/out at different times), and there are no private pity parties.

We all have tough times in life but instead of tying it to something like a birthday, why not voice ‘I’ve/We’ve had a shit time recently with blah blah, why don’t we all go out to dinner one night’ or similar. Saves the angst of others having to read your mind in regards to ‘wants’ and the invariable angst that results in.

This sounds like six of one and half a dozen of the other to be honest. They could've made more effort but OP sounds dramatic. Expecting croissants when you didn't want to cookies is definitely not something I'd be able to intuit, but I am autistic, so maybe I have a higher need for people to communicate their expectations.

I think we both know why the the OP was upset and acting accordingly. As the day unfolded, it became evident they had put no thought into her birthday whatsoever.