Made to feel unimportant on my birthday

You'd have have a much nicer day if you'd said what you wanted to do or eat so it's such goal to sulk...

Sulking, crying and generally behaving like a child

Maybe she could make that decision herself?

She probably doesn't. She can afford to buy anything she likes, whenever she likes. But the rest of the family DO value gifts, and like to make a bit of a fuss of birthdays and special occasions, so she just comes across as a miserly fun sponge (which she is, she's not a particularly nice person). Still, this is how the rich stay rich!

Gifts should be thoughtful though. I love giving gifts and always put loads of thought into what to get people - or failing that, I ask them what they'd like!

Then maybe they should tell the OP not to put so much effort in for theirs

So she plans for her husband, her children AND herself

Right

Why?

Just why?

I tend to agree with most of this, sounds like you were determined to ensure nothing was good enough and your family clearly knew they couldn't win once you had set yourself on that path so were trying to avoid you/give you space. I would be delighted if my ds made me a home made card, and would not judge its quality!

You need to look inward on why you were so self destructive on your birthday, take some responsibility too, and work out what steps you can do to make sure that doesn't happen again as it wasn't good for either you or them.

Hope you have a better day today. Speak to your husband about how you are feeling down in general and need some support whether that is from him or your GP (without bringing up yesterday, as that would not be productive).

i do understand your disappointment to an extent- however you do seem difficult to please.

This.

It sounds a bit shit. I do also get that sometimes you’ve spent all year running around after family you would like them to think about you for a change rather than you having to spell out what your expectations are.

I had a bad year where I was really disappointed on my birthday and I sat my husband down afterwards and said I was hurt and disappointed given how hard I work for our family that my birthday was barely acknowledged and he should expect to put more effort in if he wants a long and happy marriage. Subsequent years have been better.

You're a grown woman.

Maybe she doesn’t value gifts - I don’t like buying them and I don’t like receiving them - I’m not tight with money, I just see gift giving as a complete waste of time and one I’m grateful not to take part in but there’s always pressure from those people who seem convinced that gifts mean something and oh it’s lovely to unwrap a piece something - even if it’s something you don’t want or even like.

Because she's the stingiest person in my family and the least generous of spirit, even though she's got more time and money than any of the rest of us, and people who make a virtuous 'thing' out of not doing birthdays always remind me of her.

Why does your aunt being a millionaire have anything to do with buying gifts? I used to buy gifts for all my nieces and nephews and everyone else who "needed" gifts. I counted 34 people I had to buy for. It wasn't about the money - it was the time needed, thinking about what to buy, going out shopping, all that bloody wrapping, it was utterly exhausting, not even that convinced anyone was in any way grateful either and it made me really despise every Christmas until I stopped - I no longer buy anyone Christmas gifts and life is so much better. Sometimes it's ok to put yourself first and stop feeling obligated to make everyone else's life special.
That was the best Christmas gift to me - no more shopping!

Sorry, but I think your playing victim and a wee bit pathetic.

Moping and moaning around the house feeling tearful is just an own goal - perhaps you should have said 'f... it! I'm off to buy myself something nice and treat myself to a coffee and cake/wine in town'.

But basically, if you put so much store on your birthday, it should have been discussed with the family in advance. Maybe you and husband could have planned a meal out etc. Men are not mind readers, neither are kids.

I find the people who make the biggest fuss of themselves are the ones who get the most attention on their birthday. If it seems like you don’t care then others won’t either unfortunately. It seems men and teenagers need to be told what you want from the day so they have expectations to live up to (and if you want a surprise you need to tell them that, which spoils the surprise a bit but then they know what you want)

I find I enjoy birthdays and Christmas more when I buy myself a couple of gifts and spoil/pamper myself. I made myself a Christmas stocking last year by buying a few bits well in advance and wrapping them in tissue paper without looking at them. It was a lovely surprise to get some fun pamper presents I’d completely forgotten buying!

So sorry your Husband and daughter are such selfish people. Next year plan your own day, spoil yourself. Do not plan anything for their birthday's they won't know how hurtful it is to be handed a bit of printer paper until you let them experience i
I can't help but feel that yes you are just the housekeeper. Only you can demand more and do less. Your Daughter is an adult as is your Husband. Draw up a rota for cooking cleaning and gardening. Laundry should be left up to each individual, buy 3 different coloured baskets, one for each of you, that way if they put a load on and forget to empty the machine you can just dump their wet washing into their basket or empty the dryer or airer into their basket.
You have made this situation by running after them, it is time to say No more. Don't give in, they have walked all over you for years and you need to put a stop to their ill mannered arrogant selfish ways.

@Tae1

''So many women live with feelings of huge discontent by giving too much of themselves within a thankless dynamic.''

That's so true.

Definitely agree about not sulking - That is very hard to live with.

Sulkers probably learned it as a child, and it must have worked to have carried the behaviours on into adulthood.

Far better to say how upset you are than to retreat into a martyred silence.

Book yourself a week away let them fend for themselves and they might actually realise everything you do for them xx

The key thing is reprocosity and matching energy going forward.

So many women live with feelings of huge discontent by giving too much of themselves within a thankless dynamic.

It is never too late to put yourself first and cease being a martyr.

The easiest way to get the point across is match their energy and if queried simply telling them this.

For my friends 40th her lazy husband did little, not the first time he had done this.

She didn't get upset, she booked a lovely two night away in a 5* hotel with her friend and left him without a meal in the house and enjoyed herself.
She refused to waste her energy getting annoyed or upset.

She matched this on his birthday, and Christmas of that year, not reminding her children as she normally did that it was Dad's birthday.
He remembered next year but she pulled back enormously from her general efforts with gifts for him.
She said it was a wake up call that she needed.
She now makes a fuss of herself, taking back control.

In my lovely circle of very close friends we make a far greater fuss of each other on our birthdays than our husbands and familys do of us.
Flowers, alcohol, cake, thoughtful gift.
We all love it. Often taking each other out for breakfast etc.
It's really nice. We care deeply for each other and like to show it.
Life is short and every birthday is a privilege to be celebrated.

You should have said ''It's my birthday next week, what are we doing for it?''

IF it's a ''Big'' birthday, I understand being upset.. However, your parents gave you money!

Maybe you are hard to buy for? Many adults are.

The food thing {fussing over how it was cooked} does sound a bit fussy, though- {break the diet for one day} and wanting to be ''spoiled''..If someone does something nice, unasked, it's such a lovely surprise.

Someone opened a really heavy door for me {completely unasked} when I was approaching a service station door with my hands full - It was a small but considerate thing by a stranger.

Next year, make sure you plan something for it.

You are sounding a bit 'Philip Schofield' ie determined to be hurt, feeling a victim and offering more and more evidence of how hard life has been to justify your hurt.

I agree- your DH and DD were shit and thoughtless. The answer is either leave them and find a better partner, or don't do anything for their birthdays and make sure on yours you treat yourself to a lovely day away from them doing something you enjoy (and it's not too late to do that belatedly for this year), or arrange your birthday treats in advance and make sure DH pays. Don't sulk and huff-it is horrible.

No, but you are the one still practising playground behaviour.

What a very appropriate screen handle you have. Care for a saucer of milk?