Would your 11 year old be upset or is mine “ too sensitive “

Now that I have read this:

Molly's Mother is manipulating you and the entire situation.

Poppy's Mother is a discriminating C*nt.

Molly's Mum - She wants her ND daughter to still be seen as normal, popular, and be in with the popular girl. At the same time, she wants Molly to have Sarah as backup support at school and can still be seen as having a "Friend" whom understands her plight. She's playing both sides/devil's advocate.

It's up to you how you want to approach Molly's two-faced Mother.

Poppy's Mum needs to see this thread (she will probably show Molly's Mum). This is the only way to show her insecure, discriminatory self how she looks to other people. I would even have a chat with the other school Mum's and put the cat-amongst-the-pigeons. Sometimes it only takes one or two words to thoroughly destroy a c*nt from the inside out.

I would throw a party and not invite Poppy. Your daughter deserves a party of her own, after what those little cows did. Invite Molly - Use her just like her Mum is using you. Your daughter gets to have a friend when it is convenient for her, then.

If Poppy's Mother kicks off - Remind her to not be so sensitive!

Unbelievably unkind. I don't think the parents should have excluded one little girl from a party nor allowed the video to be sent. It shows a complete lack of empathy. I'm sorry for Sarah and for you. People are unbelievable.

That’s bullying! How is Sarah supposed to feel?

What a shitty thing to do!

Agree 100% wouldn’t be shocked if it wasn’t encouraged by the parents given their opinion to cause the conflict given said parents didn’t invite Sarah along knowing she’s their child’s best friend. Sounds like it’s a adult issue

That’s awful, and I feel so sad for Sarah.
My 10yo is pretty robust but would have been devastated by that, as would I tbh.
Sounds like the mum is a bit gaslighty?

sounds like something has happened which caused one of the mums to stop the 3 way chat sounds like you don’t know the full story as to why which is probably what lead to your daughter not being invited! No I would of been Pissed too but as a parent I’ve an ridiculously over sensitive asd boy of 12 I know there’s always more to the story and an underlying you just haven’t been told that yet and if it was my son I’d be finding out exactly what happened ! It will have been what ever caused the 3 way calls to stop in my opinion. Also are you sure they rang her and she hadn’t rang her friend wondering why she’s not at this party and wanted to know what there all doing ?! Either way horrible kids and parents and I would be trying to redirect to child to some nicer kids or a new group of friends but I also know how hard that can be for asd kids once friendship is formed. Feel for your daughter x

Very spiteful, did parents say why she wasn't invited? All sounds very toxic towards your daughter, as hard as it is though you cannot get involved, it will make it harder for Sarah, find out if she has any other friends, perhaps invite them for tea after school, see how things progress.

Definitely not oversensitive. I'd use this as an example to my children that some people are arseholes. and then we talk about how to deal with arseholes and how not to let it bother us.

My 11 year old daughter would be just as heartbroken. We are waiting to get her assessed for autism and she sounds just like your daughter, and it would devastate me as her mum. These friends are toxic and nasty and she can do better than them. I would promote breaking free from these and assuring her that she will find her people when she goes through high school. My daughter is finally starting to make some friends.

Good luck to her, sending her our love and best wishes

No she is not too sensitive. That was mean and the girls knew it. Being hurt is a reasonable reaction. Encourage her to be up front with how she felt.

Christ? That hurt my feelings.

Bless your daughter...she isn't too sensitive at all.

The other mum was incredibly tactless and deliberately spiteful, if she thought the call wouldn't upset your daughter.

Ah ignore me it was Mollly's mum not Sarah's!!

Awful. My dd at 10 had 2 friends that became close with eachother. They would do stuff together and at sleepovers FaceTime my dd but say they were not together and ask questions on what dd thought of the friend it was horrible. They excluded her all year and she followed them around at school as they were friends for so long and she had no one else.

Your daughter is not being sensitive however it sounds like your daughter may need more independence to be able to grow and develop other friendships as often at this age they will lose friends and gain other friends but if she doesn't have the independence to do that she may struggle even more.

But it sounds like Molly has the same disability as Sarah? Or maybe Sarah is more obviously affected?

From OP's updates, I would say that it is probably unlikely that the friendship either girl has with Poppy will surive puberty and secondary school. If Poppy is NT and going to a mainstream school she will develop teenage interests and lifestyle very soon and it doesn't sound like Molly or Sarah will be ready for that. If Molly and Sarah are together at the same SEND school then their friendship is likely to remain intact.

The mums behaved horribly (well, certainly Poppy's mum - unclear on how much Molly's mum knew about it other than taking Molly to Poppy's party) and I think Poppy has to take some responsibility as an NT 11 year old. I would be tempted to absolve Molly of much blame. She has a brain injury and is ND - if she was told that Sarah would be happy to hear from them and see the dances, I could see her taking that at face value?

Definitely Sarah is not being sensitive though. I would be devastated by that as an adult.

They were out of order. Hope your DD is ok

It’s rude and incredibly bad manners to not invite someone to an event ( leave them out on purpose) and then video call them to let them know they’ve been left out

to find this out after the event would have been unfortunate

but to call the other left out child is taking the piss

the parents are trying to now blame an 11 year old child is a shit show

twats

This type of post crops up regularly on MN. Why do parents still allow it to happen that they invite all but one of a friendship group. Uncaring and hurtful behaviour. Bad parenting.

I'm in my late 30s and would probably still be a bit hurt in that scenario.... She's not being too sensitive, it was a really thoughtless thing to do. My under 10s know not to talk about birthday parties with people who didn't attend so they don't feel left out.

As a woman in her 40s I'd be gutted if two friends did this.

I come off Facebook after seeing loads of posts from a party I wasn't invited to because it made me feel so rubbish!

I feel sorry for Sarah.

This is awful. Your poor girl. She isn't being over sensitive. She was always going to be rightly devastated by this. It almost seems parent driven to cause a division between the girls. I have actually seen a few parents go to some petty low lengths to control there kids friendships so I wouldn't totally rule this out. Honestly try focus on building new friendships for your DD. These girls are horrible as are the parents of at least one of them.

I had 3 Dds ... now adults. All different personalities and of variable resilience. They would all have been upset by this scenario, and rightly so. Your DD is not being oversensitive at all.
Girls do have these fallings-out ... I spent many years mopping them all up. I found it best to stay out of it all and just provide hugs and hot chocolate as required.

11 year olds can be particularly mean to each other, I've found. I would focus less on the two other girls and instead focus on building different relationships. Before you know it they'll be 14 and have completely different circles of friends.

That is really horrible!

The parents who allowed them to call were to blame!