Would your 11 year old be upset or is mine “ too sensitive “

I think the parents of the other two girls stink. Why was your Daughter not invited? This is an example of how they parenting is going down the pan

I can’t really give you any advice, but wanted to say how very cruel this was. The parents should know better 😡😡 Your poor daughter 🙄

Lord, I'm an NT 47 year old and I would be upset if two of my friends deliberately excluded me and then called to rub my nose in it. Your daughter is not too sensitive and the parent that suggested that is an utter cow

Ah shit, I remember this sort of thing when I was 13 back in the 90's, a 'cool' friend appears and suddenly your situation-ship friend with someone easily lead dissapears, mine was because 'Lisa' wore dock marten boots and suddenly she had no time for her kind down to earth friend, she was an awkward teenager and we always looked daft together caus she was so tall, but i would have done anything for her! It's their loss Op. Deal with the fallout best you can x she will find REAL Friendship xxx

They knew what they were doing

You’re NOT being unreasonable. If this happened to me as an adult it would make me sad, never mind to a child. The girls are old enough to know better, and the parents most certainly know better. Hope you can cheer her up in some way.

Is Mollys mum trying to create some sort of division here? Complaining that she doesn't like Poppy, trying to cause a division between the friendship group but then seding Molly along to Poppy's party and then calling Sarah to effectively rub her face in it?

I'd be watching Mollys mum very closely.

The call was deliberate and “sent a message”, so no, your daughter isn’t being over sensitive. Most people would be upset about being excluded and having someone rubbing it in their face like that - anyone saying she’s too sensitive has no empathy.

Appalling behaviour from grown ups who should know better, in fact it’s bordering on cruel.
Your daughter isn’t super sensitive, she and you reacted as most people would.

My heart hurts for her, your poor girl, people can be soo cruel and ND kids are more vulnerable to mean behaviour sadly 😥

That sounds quite spiteful actually. However if the parents don't see that they are pretty stupid.
I remember a child who appeared to be sweet and kind deliberately excluding one of the friendship group from a birthday sleepover. I am a teacher and seeing the poor left out kid at school trying to pretend she didn't mind was truly awful. I remember thinking that I could not understand how the parent had allowed it. If it had been my dd she would have been told be kind or don't have a party at all.

Yeah, to me the villain of the piece is Molly's mum. Stopping the 3-way calls was clearly not about policing Molly's friendship wit Poppy, which is clearly going strong if the party behaviour is anything to go by. Either Molly's mum was actually trying to exclude Sarah, or Poppy was trying to exclude Sarah and Molly's mum facilitated/covered up. Either way, Molly's mum is shitting all over Molly and Sarah's longstanding friendship, while trying to ensure Molly still has a friend at school next year when she fears Poppy will sail off to the high school and forget all about Molly.

Hard to say whether it's worth you talking directly to her about all of this - it depends on whether you consider her your friend, and whether you think her clear anxieties about Molly' social chances seem to you to be reasonable grounds for tanking Sarah's. To me, Poppy is neither here nor there - her friendship with Sarah isn't longstanding and she'll be history in another year anyway.

YANBU though and neither is your dd. I often think these primary school friendships are like little marriages - and a significant proportion of the kids are always looking around for someone better to transfer their affections to. Maybe there'll be someone nice next year that Sarah can dump Molly for!

She's not remotely oversensitive. That was cruel insensitive treatment of her by her two "friends" which was condoned by their parents rather than giving them the telling off they should have had.

ESPECIALLY as it sounds as though your daughter may have more limited mobility than her two friends. Excluded from the party and then had a dance demonstration. That's really thoughtless and their parents should have asked them to apologies for it.

In your shoes, I'd be encouraging other friendships and I'd be very wary of Molly's mother. She sounds like the type who wants to be friends when it suits her. I'd lay money that you frequently do favours for her and have Molly to stay over whereas Sarah's needs might prevent a reciprocal arrangement. Take a step back and assess where your "friendship" with her has benefited her more than you because she's not repaying you or Sarah with any loyalty.

Your daughter is not being over sensitive at all. They knew very well what they were doing making that call and they have behaved disgustingly.

If it were me I’d be completely disassociating from such nasty and toxic people, and I’d tell my DD that her feelings were very valid and that she deserves to have better and kinder friends than this.

The other girls Mum sounds horrible as well for saying your daughter is over sensitive, what a gas lighter.

Not hurts better...gets better!

I have an autistic girl who went through all of this kind of crap from the age of 11-14. I told her that it hurts better in year 10 and it did.

The same things happened to me.

It sounds to me that both Sarah and Molly will be going to a specialist school together. It will be better than a mainstream.

So, for now, distance her from Poppy and also try to encourage more clubs for autistic kids where possible to widen the friendship circle so she's not so dependent on Molly either. I'd be more wary of Molly and her parents too.

All you can do for Sarah is being a listening ear, show empathy and explain to her that crap things happen sometimes. Then plan something nice to do together.

With my girl, I do my best to work on her self esteem and remind her to put herself first because, unfortunately, that's what everyone else does. Autistic girls tend to have hearts of gold and get taken advantage of. My girl would always put herself last and was upset when people didn't do the same for her.

Thankfully, now she has a lovely group of friends and advocates for herself better but it's taken years of me being her champion and adviser to get her to that point.

Your child is not being over sensitive

I would be devastated as an adult let alone your poor DD.

So she should just accept that these friends did something horrible and forget it?

I'm 6 times older than your DD and I'd be extremely upset if my so-called best friends did something like that to me. So no, to my mind, she's not being too sensitive at all, it's on the other parents for allowing this.

You’ll always find it’s the ones dishing it out, who are claiming that others are too sensitive. You can be sure it would be a different story if they were on the receiving end. May they all have a taste of their own medicine!

Such unkind behaviour by the parent and a bad example to the children. Some people have the sensitivity of a rock.

Also! I don't think Molly's Mother stopped the calls - I think Poppy's Mother did this. Just like she was too chicken sh*t to invite your daughter, or to appropriately explain why she wasn't and instead went on to insult her; I think she went to Molly's Mother and asked if she could intervene on her behalf and stop the calls. So, you have the manipulative Molly's Mother who seems fairly experienced in twisting situations for her own benefit (including advocating for Poppy's Mother) and Poppy's Mother who clearly doesn't like Sarah.

As an almost 50 year old that would have really hurt me. Terrible judgement from the parents. Also agree with the advice from BiancaBlank 👆🏻

So, Molly's mum doesn't like Poppy (apparently), and aren't allowed to three-way chat. Yet little Molly was at Poppy's birthday party 🤔
I mean, does M's mum not realise how ridiculously contradictory she sounds!
But yes, very shitty behaviour to at least not extend an invite. Clear your daughter is very upset at it all being kept hush hush and then rubbed in her face (whether intended or not). The parents certainly knew what they were doing as it sounds like Molly was told to keep quiet.