Would your 11 year old be upset or is mine “ too sensitive “

A man ran into me with his car and told me it was my fault for not walking on the pavement. I had been walking on the pavement. I was stood on the pavement.

My point to this story is you think that when someone has done something so wrong - they would at least say sorry. Instead people have a habit of deflecting and making it about the person who has been on the receiving end of shoddy behaviour.

I am so sorry for your daughter. She is not over sensitive. That was so mean and then they have added in insult to injury.

A few months ago molly’s mum decided that the girls could not chat together as a 3 anymore - there was no real reason but stated it was because she didn’t like poppy.

i don’t get this. She ended the chat for the 3, presumably she didn’t make her daughter block her individually, but she is the one she allegedly has the problem
with. Yet she is happy for her daughter to go to her birthday party (on top of excluding your DD) and video call her to rub it in - sounds like a bit of a two-faced bitch.

Maybe she lied when she said she didn’t like Poppy but wanted the 3-way chat to stop bc of your daughter? I can’t think why this would be but she doesn’t sound like one to be trusted.

As a PP said perhaps try to encourage your daughter to make new friends, maybe through some different hobbies and activities? If she is anxious this may be challenging but you never know, she may click with someone on day 1 and her social circle will have widened so she isn’t as reliant on those 2 toxic girls.

Wow that was a truly horrible thing to do 😐

What a mean thing to do to your DD. What makes it worse is that the parents were a part of it. I feel for you both.

I don’t understand why Molly’s mother banned Poppy from the phone group, but still let Molly go to Poppy’s party. I bet Molly and Poppy still phone each other and separately phone your DD. Molly’s mother appears to be the one making trouble between the girls.

This always happens in a triangular friendship. It's mean and hurtful. Try to find some new friends for Sarah and hope she will understand that friendship is never equal between friends. True friends won't hurt her feelings. Hug.

That was really mean and I would think twice about them still being friends. I know we have to allow our children to make their own way but sometimes you have to step in. The parents are gaslighting you.

It's so called friends did that to me I'd be upset.

I would not want my daughter texting either of those children again. They are not friends.

11 is far too young for having a phone IMO

The problem in the story you described is poppy’s parents.. they probably find an excuse to end the phone call to separate your daughter letting you know that’s molly’s not mature enough..
also some parents are judgmental and judge children very quickly which is in most case not fair.
you probably better take your distance with parents and let your daughter still having chat with her friends or trying find others.. I am sure there’s plenty of girls who would like to have new friends even at this age

Ahhhh yes. Yesterday isn't capitalised so it read as a full sentence.

Makes sense now if they were two separate days.

Read to me as though the event they all attended was at some previous time, not the same day and definitely not moments earlier.

There's a full stop before "yesterday".

Yes that's what I'm querying.

Sarah spent a lot of her pocket money on both molly and poppy for their birthdays and gave poppy hers at event we all attended.
yesterday, Sarah and molly were on the phone sat next to me and then molly said she had to go to a birthday party. Did not mention who’s and fair enough.

So when did Poppy leave? Was OP not bothered enough to notice? DD handed Poppy her birthday present, didn't notice Poppy leaving, Molly then leaves (?) and is asked where she's going, she replies, "a birthday party" without any mention of Poppy who's been there literally moments ago, and DD has presented with a birthday present??

I would talk to the mums of these girls. Something not right there. Not sure but the girl that said she was going to a party, but not who’s , all kids say who’s . Parents don’t help this situations!
hope you sort this , sending hugs to you both x

They were all at an event together first - OP says this in her first post.

Holy effing s-. No way is your DD being too sensitive!! I am a grown woman and would feel pretty broken by this.

What are these women like? Any flaws? I'd be soooo tempted to lay in to their image if the opportunity arose and say 'Why are you being so sensitive? You must know you are fat/ wrinkly/ fugly' 😂 Not really. But seriously... their personalities are hideous. I'd actually just distance.

@Treacle2024

How did your DD manage to hand Poppy her present whilst Molly was off at Poppy's party without DD? Poppy must have been with your DD (and Molly) and then left? Then Molly left? So they both were with DD at first in a different location?

Girls and their mothers can make for plenty of trouble at that age, in my experience. Some of the stuff that goes on...mothers desperate for their girls to have social standing and they don't care who they trample over to get it.

I have two girls with autism and I could write a book about the behaviour of other mothers in particular.

But at this age everyone is developing their social skills and it may be that your daughter is not as advanced as these two and they have decided to move on.

They may say everything is the same but then actions speak louder than words and just look at what they have done here! They are sending your daughter a powerful message, supported by their parents, perhaps even encouraged by their parents.

Three is a tricky number and some people will decide to be proactive to get their child into prime position with a friend rather than risk their child being left out.

There isn't much you can do tbh. Let your daughter find other friends and leave these two to it xx

I was the left out child, in a very similar situation, where it’s clear in hindsight that the parents were the real problem as they were influencing their daughters. Also in hindsight it was one family more than the other, and it was orchestrated so they could have their daughters as “best friends” - one simple way to help girls bond is to leave a third out unfortunately. This was so painful for me at the time and the only suggestion I’d really have is to ask your daughter how it feels, really listen, and do some special things to help cheer her up just to acknowledge she’s having a hard time. If I could go back I wish I felt comfortable crying more about it. You don’t have to fix it, just let her have her feelings.

As for the parents - I suggest you expect better than them dismissing your child’s feelings. I bet they are two small minded individuals..

This.

Your poor daughter. I hope it's just thoughtless behaviour and not intentional bullying (which my own daughter was subjected to in yr 7).

As you've mentioned autism, I'd suggest her upset is likely rejection sensitive dysphoria. I personally think any tween girl would be upset at her two friends essentially leaving her out of a party and making it known, but if the other mum thinks not, then maybe flagging RSD to her and just asking to be more aware would be worthwhile.

It's bloody tough navigating years 5-9, more so with autism. Are there any local charities that run social groups she could get involved in?

Just bitchiness. Mobile phones banned here, forever

Not sensitive at all that just mean

I would have just bought her a treat and had the wine for you or give as a gift.

Mumsnet is on Sarah’s side. How nasty and mean. They have all shown their colours here. Ultimately this is Sarah’s choice whether she wants to keep the friendships but I would be having a gentle conversation with her about her feelings and moving forward. I would also be looking to try to find her other friends and encouraging new friendships in her new school. My heart aches for her.