Would your 11 year old be upset or is mine “ too sensitive “

She’s not being sensitive at all!! That was very selfish of the two of them to do that behind her back despite them all being friends! I’m glad you cut the video call short as I’m an adult and I’d be upset if that had happened to me! Please let your daughter know that she will find her people soon as those girls don’t deserve her kindness

They were showing her, very cruelly and deliberately, a party that she wasn't invited to. Mean girls with mean parents. I'd remove your DD from them all. Your poor girl.

Oh and why would you let her spend her own pocket money on others children's gifts?! That's YOUR expense, not hers. Poor form

Wow! That's really spiteful! Also I don't like how sensitive is seen as some awful character flaw or pathetic weakness. Some people are sensitive. It's part of who they are.

So you still call these girls 'friends'? They rubbed it in, when they didn't need to, and the intention was to say 'you are not here with us'.

I would be devastated for dd. I would take her out and spoil her so she knows she is loved.

It’s also ok to invite just one of those friends to something with your daughter, I fell into the trap of inviting the “three” and all it did was cement the bond of the other two.

It was mean. My 11 year old would have been upset about it and I would too. I am for you! I find that age group is quite mean and unkind. 11 is the new 13-14. I also think that parents hold on to these issues more than the children do so if your daughter still wants to go back to those friends then a watchful eye for sure but don’t stop it.

My 11 year old would be devastated and very confused. She is waiting for ASD assessment and currently has a DLD diagnosis, and really struggles to understand peers motives and recognised poor behaviour towards herself. We have to monitor her phone use very closely to limit misunderstandings and ensure she is safe, her network records her calls and texts and we can access them from our phones. Her vulnerability became very clear towards the end of year 4/start of year 5 and she was left out of so much by her peers and children she considered long term friends. She had things stolen, 'swapped' things and was manipulated into doing inappropriate things. After few cruel incidents were clamped down hard by her primary school who would not accept discrimination in school she had a slightly easier time.
She has started at an SEN school for year 7 and has started actually making friends who in her words are straightforward.

Have raised four 11 year olds. Two boys two girls. They are all sensitive; most people are sensitive. We all need to learn to be less sensitive when dealing with the insensitive actions of OTHERS. I would be more concerned that the other two young ladies were too insensitive. Let your 11 year old know that what they did was insensitive; that they lack in the empathy department and that there are many people out there who are insensitive and that learning to grow a "thick skin" is important in certain situations, such as this one. The two girls should be allowed this faux pas once, and your daughter to show forgiveness. Then your daughter, IF this happens again, has to make a choice if she wants "friends" who show insensitivity more than once.

I would guess that Poppy is jealous - she doesn't like how close the other two are, and so is excluding your daughter. My daughter has been there. In my case, we just focused on the strong friendship and didn't join in with the drama.

I love my daughter and she loves. No one can upset us like that because they don't occupy any space in our hearts.

I would teach your daughter that people can be fun to hang around with but if you want trust and loyalty buy a dog.

To rub her nose in the fact she hadn’t been invited by calling her was callous, cruel and the behaviour of a total prick. Probably the kids get their (bad) manners from their parents but I don’t know how involved the parents were.
I believe what goes around comes around, if you treat people badly it will catch up with you.
I don’t accept tolerating poor behaviour like this on the grounds that your DD doesn’t have many friends, it’s not right, end of.
It’s a bit like having a partner who undermines you and erodes your self esteem. In that case it’s better to have no partner than a partner like that. Likewise with these friends.
Of course they are only 11 and stupid kids do stupid stuff.
Hope DD finds better friends.

I am sorry but this is mean girl vibes ! Of course she is not being oversensitive . I feel angry for you and i don't even know them!

Na

Not over sensitive at all. My 10 Yr old has been in this situation before. Its nasty. I called it out and won't have my child a part of it

I'd be upset about that and I'm 50! It's just plain unkind.

I'm an adult and it would upset me if my so called best friends did this to me so no your dd is not being too sensitive. Absolutely awful of the girls and particularly the parents for allowing that phone call to happen.

The parents are twisted if they thought that was ok!!

Time they were Ex friends …nasty !!!

I cannot fathom why Sarah wasn't invited, having been close friends with both of them for 2 years, especially after the strange remark from Molly's mum about not liking Poppy, and it does seem rather sneaky of Molly not mentioning whose party she was going to. It must have really hurt Sarah and you (I used to always get upset privately about any unpleasantness my daughter had to endure with other girls when she was young).

I think that the parents you challenged (quite rightly!) about their insensitive, mean behaviour were gas lighting you by claiming Sarah is too sensitive, they are just being defensive, as they know really that they were out of order.

Now she is 11, Sarah is at the start of high school, which is the perfect time to meet and make new friends, which may not be easy but it's time for her to widen her circle of friends, and give the other two creeps a wide berth in due course (when she feels ready to completely cut loose from them). The mothers sound really bitchy and uncaring - bet you can't wait to see the back of them either!

I'm afraid I can't imagine what else it might be, other than what you say above.

💯💯💯%. It seems to me Sarah and OP are slowly getting excluded. Or something else is going on here??

I wonder if it this is the case? I also wonder if Mollys mum doesn't like op /Sarah? I find it strange that Mollys mum wants to 'ban them from talking as a 3' (because Poppy is more 'mature'? What excuse is this?) and 'doesnt like Poppy' and yet organized a secret party for which Sarah was not included with both Poppy and Molly plus parents having a good time? Just seems to me that op and Sarah are slowly being excluded. I dont blame Molly or Poppy for calling Sarah, I think they were a bit thoughtless but they didnt do it to be mean overall. They are kids and kids dont always think. But the parents behavour send red flags for me.

I'm 50 years old and that would have upset me. Your dd is not too sensitive and if they wanted to talk to her why not invite her seems like they were deliberately trying to make her feel left out.

In my experience close friendship groups of three women friends can be great fun and joyful to begin with, then one person decides she will be particularly friendly with one of the trio and omit the third from activities leading to deep emotional hurt and insecurity. Poor Sarah is learning an unpleasant life lesson very early on, one not made easier by her health issues.

The old adage “Two’s company, three’s a crowd” is sadly generally true.

A big hug to Sarah.