AIBU for giving DD6 a row for breaking things?

But have you told your daughter how she can get her things back or does she think they have gone for good? If she's upset tonight and goes to school tomorrow and tells her teacher that you have taken all her nice things from her room and put them in the attic you will definitely make it to the staff room discussion at break time.

More likely she will grow up to resent the fuck out of you and your refusal to see that she has struggles with her spatial awareness, dexterity and motor skills. At least she’s likely to have a better and more supportive relationship with her father.

Have you taught her how to look after things? The necklace for example, did you show her how it has to be taken off? A six year old won’t necesserily know a clasp on means clasp off. With the giraffe, after the second telling off why didn’t someone remove it from her before she could cause damage?

She was 6 so same age as OP’s DD. A 10+ YO would surely have more impulse control to not draw on walls?? And I stand by it as reasonable 😬 If you’re going to stick stickers all over the walls and draw on your wardrobe with pencils then you’re not mature to have those items in your room so they will be removed and the natural consequence is living with the results for a while.

Accidental clumsiness I would not have punished of course! I wouldn’t have done what I did if DD had just accidentally knocked a nail polish over on the rug and was sorry about it (for example). Deliberately unraveling crochet isn’t clumsiness either and OP’s update that the things her DD has made herself, the lego and the friendship bracelets, are treated with care and never damaged is very telling. I think it sounds like she just doesn’t respect or appreciate the things that have been bought for her.

Have you explained to your daughter how she can earn the items you have put in the attic back? If she doesn't know what you expect her to do and in what time scale, what incentive does she have? My mum did something a bit similar but she explained that if I kept my room tidy for a week I could have some stuff back, and she kept her word too!

…my daughter was (is) very bright, very good at school, very academic … also one of these that liked to take things apart (with no way of putting them back together), really clumsy, did without thinking.

She had ASD and ADHD … however, due to being good at school, and academically bright, her ND was missed until teenage years, which were mostly a shit show (got her diagnosis at 17)

Girls present differently

I suspect your daughter was a bit older than 6. A child of 10+ would probably accept but mightily resent what you did. I my opinion the OP has gone too far. Telling off yes taking everything fragile out is just nasty at that age.

I did very well in school too. I also had undiagnosed dyspraxia and autism (1970s) I was always hlin trouble for breaking things and never understood why i was told off for things I couldn't help and didn't mean to do.

I agree with your DH that stripping her room of so much stuff is excessive. You admit you have contributed to the problem by buying her so much stuff. I was truly disturbed to see you expect your daughter to be completely neat and tidy just because you are. Your daughter is only 6 but she will remember this and I suspect she will also know that her father did not agree with you. You are really going yo find the teen years hard if you are so draconian about things like this now.

I removed everything messy from DD’s room-stickers, colouring pencils, lip gloss etc. and got really cross (which is not like me normally) after she essentially trashed her room to the point of bedding, walls, rug all being a write off. They had been a few minor things before, a sticker on a bed frame, some pen on the floor that she’d been spoken to about nicely about and hadn’t listened at all. I gave it back very, very slowly- one thing a week starting with the least messy like the colouring pencils and she had to prove she could handle that for a week before earning something else back. I made her wait 6 months to have her room redecorated. But it worked, none of the messy stuff leaves her desk now and she takes pride in her room and keeping it nice. So I think you’re doing the right thing as deliberately unraveling a toy isn’t clumsiness that she can’t help (if it were I’d handle it differently). Just have a plan for how she can fairly earn it back.

First off - you should have taken the giraffe off her.

But second- she’s damaging things that cost money or love for her to have, so is demonstrating a lack of care and gratitude. I’d have removed anything breakable too. I’d also refuse to buy anything else until she makes better choices.

I told her to stop pulling on the tail until I had some time to fix it (MIL hadn't stitched it up quite right).

So you knowing left a six year old who has a tendency to have a lack of awareness with an item that hadn’t been put together properly and then when the completely expected happened, you told her off.

She’s six. Yes she sounds on the lower end of average regarding her coordination and awareness about how fragile things are but, she’s six! You are the parent and knew what would happen which is why you told her to stop playing with it.

It sounds like she's both clumsy and absent minded, neither of which are deliberate. Her mum saying she is sad the toy is broken would go a lot further to generate contrition than being incredibly OTT and taking everything from her room.

I agree completely with this instead of binning the broken stuff and getting her new things let her live with the broken stuff then she will start to learn that breaking things doesn’t get her new things it just leaves her with broken useless stuff.

Well she's only SIX. Most six year olds would forget necklaces can't just be yanked off, they aren't used to wearing them.

I'm not sure this is the case from OP's posts. I've always been completely clumsy too. The difference is OP says her daughter shows no contrition whatsoever. She has an attitude of belongings are expendable because I'll just get a new one bought for me. That's her parents' doing, but they need to address this attitude.

OP's daughter also intentionally picked at a toy until it unravelled completely when she could have stopped and given it to her mother to mend. Same with the necklace, she didn't clumsily break it by accident, she yanked it until it snapped.

I wouldn't put any of that down to innocent clumsiness, especially without any sign of regret or upset from the daughter.

You say she had no additional needs. Additional needs doesn't mean just complex or learning needs.

She obviously is having challenges with spatial awareness, dexterity and motor skills - at 6 that could indicate a small challenge or a knowledge gap that needs supporting.

Did she play stringing beads, tiny Lego etc? If something is very special to her is she able to mind it? If not I would suspect she needs a little extra support that hopefully will even put.

I agree with your husband, stop buying her things.

Also stop fixing things of hers that she breaks.

Obviously you don't just do this, you do it while you help her learn how to be more careful and less impulsive.

You know what's going on, she has too much so there are no consequences for breaking things. However, removing everything is 0-60 in a very short time. More important is NOT replacing broken items. She breaks it, she doesn't have it.

You'll have to work on the GPs. I suggest asking them to pay into a savings account for university when they feel generous, rather than a million throw-away toys.

Not everyone on here has English as a first language. Stop looking down your nose at people asking innocent questions.

I was like this as a child. I didn't mean to break things, it's just how I am. I still clumsy now. Luckily my parents were always kind about it and apart from one horrible ex boyfriend everyone else has always been kind about the fact I break more plates than your average person -- a klutz, I suppose, in old speak.

I really can't help it and your DD sounds the same.

You're expecting perfection from a six year old and it's really quite horrible.

Maybe a reset would do her good and she'll start to appreciate her things more if she has less of them.

I think you were harsh tbh.