AIBU for giving DD6 a row for breaking things?

Standard phrases?

Wtf?

So then explain how she has no dexterity issues when it's stuff she's making herself

She's clever. Sit her down and say "darling, you're a wonderful girl but you break stuff. I'm not going to get you replacements any more because there's just no point, they get broken too. This isn't a punishment and I'm sorry I was cross."

YANBU, OP. Unlikely she has special needs, 6 is more than old enough to understand that things will break if handled roughly, and that things have a cost, so an airy "Oh we can just buy another if I smash this one" is not okay.

Give her back the things you removed gradually and see if she handles them more sensibly. If she is smart enough to do well at school, she will learn from this pretty easily.

I couldn't really get cross about this. Children break things. It is also part of their normal exploration of the world. It doesn't mean anything, I broke everything as a child (and showed no contrition) and as an adult, I'm very careful with my belongings. Just don't give her anything precious and don't replace what's broken. It's useful to remember what's precious to you isn't precious to her, she might not be attached to objects, and that's fine.

The ‘row’ debate reminds me when someone posted on here that they had clapped a cat and another user asked why they were giving the cat a round of applause.

I have English as my first language and have never heard this phrase and was initially confused by it. To me a "row" is an argument, usually between adults and something one has, not gives. I suspect this is a regional usage.

See I didn’t read it as OP’s daughter being ungrateful, I read it as impulsivity or compulsive behaviour (picking at something despite being told not to she couldn’t help herself). It sounds like neurodivergence to me. My daughters are always so grateful for any gifts they receive and they remember what every single person has ever bought them! But they break and damage things without meaning to.

😂😂😂. Absolutely howling at this. Excellent response.

YANBU.

There's a difference between being careless or clumsy on the one hand and being ungrateful and disrespectful of other people (e.g. the giraffe) on the other hand.

I might understand a two-year-old scribbling on walls because they’re too young to understand why they shouldn’t, but if your DD did it recently I would say there is a big problem somewhere.

OP you could be describing my daughters exactly here, they are wrecking balls. It’s so draining. I decorated their room so nicely made them bunkbeds and they peeled the paint off the woodwork etc. Spilling everything. Breaking drinks bottles. Stained uniforms. The worst part is I genuinely don’t think they mean to do it so I feel guilty telling them off all the time. We are currently pursuing through the GP an autism and adhd assessment. I don’t think other people’s children are this bad and people who have pristine little angels who do as they’re told don’t get it at all.

@User79853257976

I know what dialect is, but if you’re writing on a public forum it’s probably going to serve you better to write in standard phrases

And how the fuck is a Scottish person supposed to know what "standard phrases" are for anyone outwith Scotland? Who's setting the standard here?

As a Scottish person I'm constantly learning that phrases and words I thought were standard are not known or used in England.

Frankly, I pity your minuscule choice of vocabulary in comparison to ours. Must make it hard to express yourself. Perhaps that's why you couldn't express yourself in this comment without coming across like a total tube.

Here's some standard phrases you should find useful:

Away and bile yer heid min
Yer arse is oot the windae
Haud yer wheesht
Shut yer geggy

Hope that helps, as the standard phrase goes.

The problem is op you seem to have gone from one extreme to the other.
She breaks it, you replace it, little lecture but she gets new stuff anyway. She breaks it you shout at her and empty her room of anything prescious to her. It's a total 180 and that's why it's unfair.

I'd work on a way she can earn it back, and if she has got something delicate,you or Dad need to supervise better. Not "don't pull that" and leave her to it but "right, give me that, I'll fix it later"

I didn't until about 30 seconds ago. I'm late 50s and I have lived in a few different areas and have never heard it before.

Given that row is used in that way in the whole of Scotland I’d say it is a standard phrase.

Oh, you meant standard English phrases, didn’t you? Wheesht.

I know what dialect is, but if you’re writing on a public forum it’s probably going to serve you better to write in standard phrases.

She needs to have that explained to her though. She won't make better choices until she understands what a 'better choice' looks like.

Tbf, I'm English and speak English but I could still work out what it meant even though its the first time I've come across the expression 🙄

I need her to be more careful and teach her that objects have value

Yes, you're right.

You need to teach her these things. Not assume she'll automatically know it.

I'd assumed 'give her a row' was Australian. Like the way they say, 'I'll give her heaps.'

It does sound like you're getting into a row with someone, rather than a parent removing things from a 6 year-old's room. But anyway...

OP, as a pp suggested, give your DD a clear route to 'earning' items back, one at a time, and pricing she can manage to not destroy that item before the next thing.

If she is still destroying things with this frequency in another year or so, maybe talk to an occupational therapist? Dyspraxia can present in many different ways. Is she also breaking things at school?

My daughter is the same

They don't understand the value of stuff and don't csre if s necklace breaks

Or if they lose something

I wouldn't get upset about it

@User79853257976

A row is an argument.

A row can also mean giving someone into trouble.

I'm sure that will cause a wave of similar "I don't know what "give someone into trouble" means", type of comments.

Seems a massive shock to people constantly on Mumsnet that there are huge regional variations in language across the country.