Husbands drunk on holiday...

You thought this would be a romantic holiday for two, I bet he thought if the DC weren't there to see it didn't matter how much he drank. He's a hypocrite Op, secretly drinking when he knows your religion forbids it and trying to get you to join in so that he feels better about himself.

It is hard living with an alcoholic

You have to leave for own sanity

And kids

The poster @walrus ( sorry can't quote a quote on app) who said she was an Alcoholic - said some very true words

About not how much they drink but the consequences of what they drink

It is an illness but you cant help them

Only they can choose to stop drinking

And many don't till they hit rock bottom

And sadly even if do hit rock bottom they still drink

Your own home and career is brilliant - you and your children are protected if you do separate.

It may be that if you do split, the ILs may choose to still see the children - and continue to provide their love and support - when the children spend time with their Dad.

But if the worst comes to the worst and the ILs decide to cut ties entirely, then I would try and see them as people who were never reliable or worth your children's time, as their love was only ever conditional. Which is not the behaviour of nice people - and not people that you would want to remain in your children's lives.

Hi op,

how is he at work? It sounds to he that he has pressure that he relieves that way (not a good one) every number of months?
firstly, that is no life for you and kids so you need to put a boundary there which as he is a grown up ass, he should know to respect. He can’t disappear for days as not able to stay at home.
But also, if there is something else going on you should adress that as the reason why he gets on drinking knowing how it will end…

The only person it’s a nightmare for is the OP herself. He’s an alcoholic, not just someone having a few beers on holiday (which might not be a concern for OP, or at least less of one - she did state they’re both from a culture and religion where you’re not meant to drink alcohol).

Sorry to say this but, bearing in mind his history with alcohol, he must have had A LOT more than 8 beers to get into the state you described. He must have been drinking spirits heavily too. You know that you are married to an alcoholic and you need to decide if that is the life you want. Sorry to be blunt. Sending you hugs and warm wishes. This is so horrible.

excuse me?

reported.

He sees nothing wrong with what he’s done because he’s drunk.
Drunks aren’t logical.
Drunks are mean.
I’m very sorry.
Take the other’s advise - get yourself a room and something to eat. You’ll feel better.
And he’ll feel sheepish when he sobers up.
Maybe it’s time for a “come to Jesus” discussion when you get back home.
Sending love.

I'm so sorry OP, it must be very stressful trying to navigate this without your own family's support. You were very brave to leave an abusive man, and you'll be brave again if you decide you need to leave this marriage.

Do you work and are you financially independent? The first step is to try and give yourself options - if you have money coming in, then childcare should be an option if you do have to parent solo.

Just one thing, OP, this is on HIM to sort and not you. Don't book appointments, find support for him. You coldly and calmly need to make a get out plan, and put yourself and the children first. You cannot fix this. Only he can.

OP apologies if I have missed this, but what about your own family? If you were to leave him, would you get support and help from them?

If drinking is not usually culturally acceptable, your family would presumably sympathise with you not wanting to stay in a marriage with a man who is a binge drinker?

Another thing to consider is that you saw him drink eight beers. That doesn't mean that was all that he drank. Alcoholics are unbelievably talented at secret drinking.

It doesn't matter how much he drinks. It doesn't matter how often he drinks. What matters is how drink makes him behave and it makes him behave like a dick. He either chooses to continue to drink - however infrequently - and continue to be a dick to OP, her kids, his friends, whoever else is around, or he chooses not to drink at all and to be a decent husband.

Frequency of drinking is NOT the issue, it's his behaviour that is.

Leave him; get custody of the children.

Clearly you married an alcoholic who has relapsed. How often do you want to put yourself or children through this?

He has an alcohol problem. He does not see and will not admit he has a problem with alcohol. Therefore there is zero chance of him currently giving up his alcohol. Until he admits he has a problem and starts to get help, nothing with him will change.

If you want to give him one more chance and make this an ultimatum, fair enough - but then you have to stick to it. The ultimatum is for you, not for him. It's for you to say that you are worth more than this and that your DC are worth more than this too.
I gave mine an ultimatum too, and when he fucked it up (took weeks, not a year!) I followed through.

Lastly, have a look on the Alcohol board for support from women who have been there - we have a long running thread on there that you may find useful. It's just about to fill up but it will be continued into a new thread and linked back to.

How many beers? It would take 8 or 9 to make someone as blotto as you suggest.

@GettingStuffed. If your DH is a heavy drinker then you have in fact seen him drunk. His behaviour might not be the same as OP's DH when he has drunk a lot, in fact your DH may be able to keep up a pretence of sobriety, but the alcohol is still affecting him in all sorts of ways.

Giving him another chance is probably a waste of time as even if he thinks he’ll stop drinking to excess, with the best will in the world he has no idea himself if he’ll stop drinking. Most likely of course he’ll drink to this extent again.
I think you can’t be happy together with this hanging over you, even if it’s infrequent. So best to plan to split.

If possible, live with it for this holiday, but from experience, I would suggest that the two of you discuss this with a professional when you are home. If he's not prepared to change and openly admits this, you know where you stand and can make a decision from there.

I know exactly how you’re feeling, my first husband was an agressive drunk. That horrible feeling of knowing he was yet again coming home drunk, after numerous promises that he wouldn’t drink anymore. It went on for 12 miserable years & I couldn’t face knowing that this was my life if I carried on being married to him. I left him & bought up my two children on my own, it was the biggest burden lifted from my shoulders, no regrets. I hope you can find the courage to do the same.