Husbands drunk on holiday...

@AnonymousBleep you think having a history of drinking a bottle of whiskey per day is OK?

It's absolutely no fun being with a drunk person who isn't making sense and thinks they're the voice of reason. Bollocks to that. Especially as he is an alcoholic, you've asked him not to drink but he's gone ahead anyway and ruined your holiday.

So I think it's safe to say it's not you OP, it's him.

I agree with PPs, if you can, get your own room for tonight and look after yourself, make sure you get home okay and leave the 'adult who can have a drink if he wants to' to his own devices.

This sounds very familiar to me. I left an ex on holiday. Packed my stuff, moved room, got early flight home. He arrived back some time later - pulled all the won't do it again, I'm i hell without you cards. But for me that was the end.

For some couples 8 beers on holiday is fine but with his history and the boundaries you've tried to put in place for your marriage, his behaviour is disrespectful and unkind. This was meant to be a romantic break. It's not romantic if you do something you know your partner hates. I suspect when he's sober he doesn't want to disrespect you, but that the problem with problem drinking.

Take care of yourself and lean on your friends and family. It sounds like people know his history so this probably won't come as a surprise to some.

New room, supper, call home?

Yes, but in fairness to most of the responses here, none of that information was in her opening post.

Alcohol is banned in his religion and culture.
His drinking ended his first marriage.
The OP wouldn't have married him if she knew he sometimes drank a bottle of whisky a day.
He probably knew the OP's attitude to alcohol before they married.

I know who I think is being unreasonable and abusive.

Not sure if you mean the holiday or the marriage, but for me it would be the marriage as soon as I was able to.
Can't stand drinkers

Given that she doesn't drink and clearly can't stand it then it could mean absolutely anything tbf.

Given that she doesn't drink and clearly can't stand it then it could mean absolutely anything tbf.

This sounds quite familiar to a relationship I had with an ex. I don't think things will change unless he's at rock bottom and wants to do something about it, which from what you've said he isn't. You have to decide if you're prepared to live like this or not. It took me a long time and a few false starts and threats before I realised I wasn't. I haven't looked back but it took a lot of courage to make that call and go through with it.

It actually doesn't matter if it's 8 pints a day or a year, his drinking is upsetting you. You have the right to a peaceful happy life. I would leave x

Get yourself food, see if there’s another room you can go to, make your way to the airport and get home as planned tomorrow. I’m hoping your seats aren’t together. Work out what you want once you’re back, just focus on getting home first. Ruining your holiday is atrocious behaviour, I can see his second marriage failing due to the drink too. I don’t think this will work. Does he not drink on family holidays? He clearly has a huge problem to go this much off piste.

8 drinks over the course of a day on holiday isn't that much, really. Lots of people on holiday drink that and wouldn't even be all that drunk, especially if we're talking small European beers. But as others have said, the issue is that he likes to have a few drinks and let his hair down, and you absolutely hate that/have cultural issues with it. It is definitely a shame he decided to get pissed on the holiday with just the two of you, as that obviously was going to go down like a cup of cold sick, but he doesn't sound like an alcoholic or even a massively problematic drinker to me (not based on just that, anyway). It just sounds like you have an incompatibility in this respect. I don't think it's insurmountable either, but you do need to sit down and have a grown up conversation about how you're both going to compromise over this. It does need to be both people compromising to make it work as well. If he wants the odd drink, or to get pissed occasionally (which is completely normal for a lot of people), and your red lines are 'you can never ever drink' then the marriage is just not going to work.

This is the behavior of an alcoholic. My mother is married to a recovering alcoholic so I can sympathise with a lot of what you have written . There is some good advice here. I would also suggest you contact Al Anon which is a support service for family of alcoholics. I'm sure they will be able to help. Most of all you need to remember that he is not your responsibility and you cannot change somebody's behaviour. Best of luck to you.

He told me after marriage he used to drink a bottle
of whisky a day, including the day before we got married.
I laid down the rules then about not bringing drink into our home.
drinking is forbidden in the religion and culture and yes it is something if I had known before I would not have married him.

If you would not have married him had you known beforehand regarding his drinking then your only choice now is to divorce him now you know.

He is aware of how his drinking affects you and he does not care, he does not have respect for you.

Stop trying to have a conversation with him, there is no reasoning with a drunk and he is prioritising his need/enjoyment of alcohol above you, like all alcoholics.

You are not boring, @Unknown987 the boring ones are those that cannot enjoy themselves or function unless they have alcohol.

When you are home get to a solicitor and file for divorce, his first wife had a gut full of it, he didn't learn from that and hid it from you which is a betrayal of trust.

You’re not in the wrong or out of order here OP - I’ve been exactly where you are and it’s quite scary when you are on a foreign country, have no idea if they are safe (like he might walk back from the restaurant a way you don’t know, get lost, etc). It’s also incredibly disappointing when it’s a holiday you’ve no doubt looked forwards to.

dont engage with him tonight and try to get another room to sleep in then when you get home and he sobers up tell him it’s the booze or you and stick to your guns

@sunsetsandboardwalks her opening paragraph states “he has a horrible history with alcohol”. Did you think she meant he drinks a couple of shandies at Christmas?

OP has only just drip-fed that piece of information.

That's an awful lot in one session which is evidenced by his change in behaviour.

I got the impression from the op that her husband cannot stop at one which is why she doesn't like him drinking. If he just had two, or even three with gaps in between, it wouldn't be such a problem but he doesn't know when to stop.

I wouldn't stay with someone who drank so much he became obnoxious.

You don't need to be off your head on drink to enjoy a holiday.

He has a history of drinking a bottle of whiskey a day. How can anyone on here think he doesn’t have a drink problem? He may not drink that much now, but anyone who used to drink that much has a drink problem. It’s a fact.

It’s hard without knowing all the context. And it isn’t ok how he’s behaving towards you today.

however just because you don’t drink I don’t think it will work to say he isn’t allowed to drink at all around you, especially on holiday where for many people having some drinks is part of the holiday experience (rightly or wrongly)

are you ok with him drinking at all? Or is it juts the extreme drunkeness and how unpleasant he is with it that’s the issue (which I would understand)

He definitely seems to be a bit of a problem drinker. How bad I can't tell. You do take a hard line on it and said it's part of your faith which means it's forbidden, so I honestly think you're not a good match! I also think he isn't as drunk as all that based on his texts. Certainly not blind drunk.

See about getting a separate bedroom for tonight and then talk to him again tomorrow, but truly I don't think staying with him will end well 💐

That's not true at all though. When I met my DH he enjoyed a drink on social events, still does, so do I. Why would either of us have to choose not to do that because we are now married?

However, in OPs situation her and her DH are going to have to make a choice because their drinking stance doesn't align.

@Unknown987 He won't change. You're both totally incompatible. Do yourself a favour and seek divorce or you'll always be worrying about this.

Why does having a wife and a family mean you have to stop loving a drink and a night out?