Husbands drunk on holiday...

@Dilldanding Some men can take a huge amount of alcohol and function physically. It's what comes out of their mouth that's the problem.

From what you've said he is an alcoholic. Just because he can go months without drinking it doesn't mean he isn't an alcoholic. As you don't have much experience with alcohol (and even if you did) I recommend you look into Al Anon, it's support for people with family/friends that are alcoholics.

@Staunchlystarling alcoholics never stop being alcoholics.

Yes they can. You're confusing the fact that having eight beers alone doesn't make somebody an alcoholic with this person's general relationship with alcohol. He is clearly an alcoholic, based on what the OP has said.

@wmch you are showing a staggering lack of empathy and understanding of what the OP is going through.

Why would Op do that?

I can't believe people are excusing an alcoholic drinking at least 8 drinks...

Even if it was 'fine' because people need to let their hair down on holiday, he doesn't need to be cruel to the OP. He's done this before and it's good to have boundaries.

You won't need so much support when he is an exh....

Have a few drinks with him and loosen up.

All those posters who aren't sure if he's an alcoholic need to read all OP's posts. His first marriage broke up because of his drinking. He's an alcoholic.

He back now. Acting all normal. And ignoring me like I've done something to him. Got his ear pods on... god help me.
i can't believe what he's done. I'm actually so shook

Don't talk about it. No point, it'll never make sense when one is drunk.
Pretend it didn't happen, get along.
Or go out til he falls asleep.

If you sit on balcony for half an hour I'm sure he'll pass out.

Absolutely.

When my Ex controlling H used to monitor every drink I had (he couldnt drink) it drove me crazy. Made me rebelliously have another one.

He was a complete control freak. I divorced him. Miserable to live with and his point of view was more important than mine.

Your husband has done something nice for you and you are BU IMO. It is a DC free holiday.

Nobody here can label him an alcoholic for having 8 beers (maybe) on the last day of his holiday.

I've left my children at home for this special
birthday. I feel purely stupid to think he may chose me. He won't. And with him I will lose all his family who are my support network. I feel so lost.

You'll be home tomorrow. You can focus on this then.

If you're not packed, start packing to keep busy. Organise an outfit for tomorrow.

Go down to the bar or watch something funny or read on the balcony. Keep yourself busy.
You were miserable when you were with him today, you don't have to sit in misery while he's away too.

Try to shake some of the mood by doing something and do not get into a back and forward with him when he gets back. Either "be asleep" or "over the whole thing" calm and friendly, just keep the mood light.

I’m quite concerned by the second half of this quote (sorry I don’t know how to only quote part).
That sounds worrying you are being made to do things you are uncomfortable with?

And he’s definitely an alcoholic. I wish people would stop with the “a few small European pints” BS. I’m guessing he’s downed at least eight 5% pints and still going.

I agree. My mum was an alcoholic and fought long and hard to overcome it with many relapses. There’s no way she’d have stopped at 8 drinks. She’d drink until she became unconscious. He’s not an alcoholic in any sense that I know. Yeah, he’s an arse after a few drinks and probably doesn’t know when to stop if he doesn’t drink regularly anymore but I’m not sure I’d label him an alcoholic.

How long have you been there?

No point saying should have this and should have that..
You're on holiday for one last night, he will eventually sober up. You need to get to the airport and travel back together. Try to make this as smooth as possible.

You know you have lots to think about and actions to take at home.
Get through this part first.

If you're able to, don't talk about anything deep with him until home.
I wouldn't even adress what happened today when he sobers up. I'd play it very "ah you were drunk, I got over it , was too tired for dinner, what time we leaving for the airport?"

Just try to keep things as smooth as possible till you're home and can start addressing things and making decisions.

As others have said, I would have a shower, get ready and go out , try some food or a drink. Soak in the view.
You cannot control him but you can control how you react. Unless you are planning to meet him for dinner, try not to spend every second thinking about him this evening. Distract yourself with nice things.

Do you feel safe?

Please don’t feel bad that you have stayed with him so far. Many, many women on Mumsnet ( including me ) have stayed long after we should have left. For the sake lf the children , not having anywhere to go, not wanting another failed marriage, religious or family reasons. It’s never easy.

Which I agree with everyone that you need to think really hard about what you want to do with your life. My advice is that when you get back to the UK, you go to some Al Anon meetings . You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, you can just sit and listen.

You will find people there from all different backgrounds. Please don’t fall for the myth that the only people who have a drink problem are those who are lying in the gutter, it’s not like that at all. There are people who are dependent on alcohol who are doctors, judges, politicians, head teachers - those from all walks of life.

You’re not making any decisions by just go to meeting, so please try. It can really help to speak to other people who understand what it’s like and who won’t judge you. And no one will tell you (unlike some here ) that there’s something wrong with YOU because you are not happy with this situation.

Maybe quietly record him. He may not be aware how bad he is

Oh and PS you're not being boring. If he had stopped at two vodka and cokes he'd have been fine company and you'd be quite happy. But he didn't stop. This is on him. Not on you.

I have alcoholics in my family. Dated and lived with one. Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Never again. It's an awful affliction. I'd never ever date a drinker. I don't count two alcoholic drinks as a drinker btw. That's not going to turn someone into an arse the way ten pints would.