Husbands drunk on holiday...

Well for his culture & religion he shouldn't drink so it's not really unreasonable that Op doesn't want or like him to drink!

Many of us don't want to be in the company of someone who is a nasty drunk even if it isn't strictly against our religion!

Incompatible? You make it sound as if OP is also at fault.

She says he has a horrible history with alcohol and that she didn't realize how bad it was before they got married.

I don't see where she wants to limit his drinking except not in front of the family. She may not like that he drinks, but this is likely because he seems to have a drinking problem. We only have her side, but if she says it's horrible, I believe her.

They may be incompatible, but I think her husband's behavior is the reason.

@StormingNorman you're right that OP can't lay down rules. She can't control or cure his drinking. His drinking is his problem to sort and it is a huge one. He has already lost one wife and is at risk of losing another because, as @Thewalrusandthecarpenter explained, he can't stop when he starts -there is no 'compromise'.

I’m a “recovering” alcoholic and my ex’s attempt to control it was actually a trigger for my drinking. I just got more secretive. So it could be both.
Luckily for her she got out.

You said he drinks with his cousins too, who I assume are the same religion. I imagine this leads to further conflict in that he may frame it as 'look, they do it too.'
Anyway, it sounds like you're fundamentally incompatible. Is it a given that his family would reject you and your children if there was a split? Would his parents not want to maintain contact with their grandchildren?

No point in trying to have any conversation with a pissed bloke especially not a serious conversation. He's a twat so stop crying, have a bath or a shower, get dressed, get something nice to eat and then go to bed. Let him fend for himself. Then when you get home have a word.

I’d book another room, pack my things and passport, stay there tonight and make my own way back to the airport tomorrow

He's an alcoholic. OP is not being controlling. I'm a recovering alcoholic - we say that one drink is too many and a thousand not enough. Alcoholics don't necessarily drink every day - but when they do, effectively an allergic reaction takes place where they have no "stop" button as most people have automatically, but want to drink more and more.

So sorry OP. I would suggest that he goes to AA, and that you consult Al Anon. It's not about how often it happens; it's the uncertainty, fear, powerlessness and consequences when it does.

I can't figure out if he is an alcoholic or if you don't like him to have any drink at all so he ends up binging when he does drink.

Either way, you're not suited to each other.

what i mean is he is an alcoholic. Whatever goes along with that, the meannesss the giggling the unpleasant behaviour...THAT is who he really is and always will be unless he does something about it.

In fairness, wasn't clear that he was an alcoholic until a couple of pages in.

Without the backstory, it did look like OP was being a bit controlling.

Op, you say he's not his normal self, but he is. The non drinking person is not his normal self.

What is wrong with you?

“But I do feel like im losing myself when im with him. Doing things that I never did before and feel uncomfortable in doing them even though he encourages me.“

Even without the drinking, this is giving me serious red flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩

You don't have to understand alcohol and how it captures people. Why should you? You already know that alcohol and your husband do not mix well. You also know now that your husband has a problem around drink as he has told you that in the past he would drink a bottle of whiskey a day! That he hid it from you is a very good reason to walk away. What does it matter that you may have a second failed marriage? What matters is that you can make as many mistakes as needed to get through life. The next time (if there is one) you will be wiser.

Are you from different cultures OP?

Hi OP,

I was you last year.

Married a non drinker who was T-total due to “past” alcohol issues. Stayed a non drinker for almost 5 years, by then we were married. I won’t bore you with the next 4 years but it followed the patterns you see now. I won’t stop. This will be your life.

Im not going to tell you what to do but my story was I asked him to leave. DC and I now life a very stable, peaceful life. It was and still is hard at times but on the balance I am much happier within myself.

I hope you find a way through whatever choice you make.

You’re learning that you can’t lay down rules for husbands and expect obedience. Marriage is willing compromise and give and take.

He likes to drink a couple of times a year. Is that something you can accept? Because if you can’t you need to separate. Otherwise you’ll be having this same battle for the rest of your life.

I can’t believe so many people making excuses for this guy.
It’s not about how many he had. He clearly has a major problem with alcohol and ignored OPs wishes. She may have initially come across as controlling but it’s clear he has a drinking problem.