Partner won’t marry me

Probably asked to, to control situation by stating stressed. Catching up in paperwork, online courses... lots of work police do on computer.

How can a police officer work from home?

Or, to add, as someone else said, take an emergency day off work tomorrow to see the rental

He’s gone from not speaking to you and being verbally mean to now talking about his stress and working from home.
I know it could be seen as a dangerous time but he knows you are leaving. There is nothing to stop you sorting through stuff that is obviously yours, even for an hour or two, if your friend could help.
He can hardly say anything if you have someone with you.
I do agree though that he’s starting to try and direct what is happening so you need to get out of there as soon as you can.
I know you mum’s is not ideal but the longer you are there the more chance he has of playing silly beggars.
Get some help with everything don’t do any of it alone.

Oh Lord!! Not good OP. Will you still manage to see the rental place this week? Was that going to be tomorrow. Hope it doesn't get snapped up before you can view it

I think if you can work from your friend's tomorrow, I would do that.

Be careful.
Tell people your plans.
Enlist help.
Don't tell him what you're doing or when you're going. Be as vague and non committal as possible at this point.

Emergency leave from work would enable you to be put tomorrow and get stuff done.

How can he reconcile needing you to pay towards the mortgage and do all the "wife-work" (without being a wife), with "allowing" you to leave? There's something odd going on here. If I were you, @Everythingwillbeokk, I would not be waiting around to see if you can get that rental property, I would use your mother's place as a half-way house immediately. I don't trust this man and I don't trust you and your children to be safe with him from now on.

Why not go and see the rental house tomorrow and also take all important paperwork and give to your friend to look after? Passports, car details etc. Agree with other posters, best to be out for most of the day, also I probably would speak to work and let them know you need an emergency day of leave next week?

If you do go out tomorrow then make sure you take or hide small valuables and things like your and your kid's passports, spare car keys etc. There's every chance that if he doesn't "agree" to you leaving that he'll get nasty in ways other than violence.

This ^^ Please take care of yourself.

If he's a bobby how often is it1 he will be working from home? Hopefully it's a one off op.

Trying to control and manipulate. Keep calm, keep on here and keep communicating. Women who been through similar will walk you through.

Deep breath.
Talk to work.
Tell them you need support due to a difficult domestic situation.
Let him have his day off.
Paperwork is your priority.
He is going to try and back track now that being nasty hasn't worked.
Tell him nothing.
Mislead him that you will need time.
Any aggression tell him you will report him and do it.
Do not be bullied.
Keep your phone on you at all times.

He's staying home to cramp you from doing things, sorting things. He's keeping an eye on you.
Don't like it. 😒

And most people don't cook, clean, shop for or take care of the landlord's children.

Though, with some of the responses here, I am starting to wonder if some do exactly that.

*

Many months ago, there was a thread with a woman wondering if she should charge her BF a small amount of rent if he moved in. Her mortgage was paid off, but there would be maintenance issues, taxes etc. She was denigrated, castigated and shown unbelievable hostility. How dare she charge a man rent to live with her!

He was letting out his house and posters thought it was totally fair that he kept the rent money and paid the poster nothing, just helping with food and utilities because "he would have no equity in the house".

Here, the OP wouldn't have any equity, but some posters are denigrating and castigating her because they find that fine and dandy. (I do think charging something for rent is fine but 1/2 of the mortgage, plus all the car and fuel for HIS use, housework, cooking, childcare, holidays, take-aways? Bullshite!)

The misogyny on this board is funny as hell.

I am so very sorry you had to endure that. You should have taken a picture of the look on his face when he finally realized he no longer had control of your life. I bet it was something to see.

Hopefully, the courts saw through his little shit show pity-party that he had for himself.

YOU GO GIRL!!!! 👏👏👏💯👏👏👏

OP lots of wills have weird things in them like who is going to pay off their debts, many are downright vexacious but it doesn't mean they are legal and that you are bound by them just because he says so in his will.

Unless he has discovered a legal loophole, which is unlikely in this case, then his beneficiaries pay off debts of things left to them, mortgage being a common one. A lot of life insurances have mortgage debt payments in their clauses. If his has one it is what it would be used for.

As you are not joint tennants of the house you don't automatically inherit his share of the mortgage debt, his beneficiaries do, whatever his will says.

If you were tennants in common, which you aren't, and he left his share to his children, then they become responsible for his share of the mortgage so you would not have been liable for his half of the mortgage. You'd probably have to sell the house so they could pay off thir share of the mortgage of you buy them out either way he still can't force you to pay off the full mortgage and your half of the house would be left to your beneficiaries not his.

If he decided to leave you a lifetime interest as a legal trust and you are not on the morgage then as it is his house and his mortgage his estate would still pay off his mortgage. Lifetime Interest is a complex business, often ill thought out and usually thrashed out after his death. It's not a route I'd personally go down because there is a lot to go wrong and a potential long nightmare for beneficiaries.

So in reality he never really could force you into that position anyway. It's good to know what is in a partners will because you can get advice on what they can and can't make you do in the event of their death from a good solicitor. Bit of a moot point now of course.

None of what I have written here is legal advice of course but I'm sure there are some clever legal bods who would correct me where I have it wrong.

I hope you get the property you want, my area isn't quite so competitive at the moment so I hope it goes through well for you.

This!

Good luck, op.

ITA with you! The "Cringe" is for the poster you replied to. Why it is on top and not the bottom.....

That almost sounds like the now ex speaking.

They said: "Will you update your view of him in light of that?"

Sure she will! Now he is "a miserable, misogynist, lying, scummy, financially abusive, pile of crap covered in flies."

Is that better @Owly11 ?

By the way, you might want to pull your pants up. Your misogyny is showing 😳

Fingers crossed for you OP. Please stay safe and get yourself and DC out ASAP even if it means staying at your mum's short term. Do you have a trusted family member or friend with access to a van that can get all your belongings out in one visit, when ex is at work? I would be planning on leaving without warning and not going back for anything.

Yea it's a question.

Bit OTT:
Try without being misogynistic and without defending men who are using women financially

He brought it on himself...

"Why do people keep saying she's paying the mortgage but is living there too... " hence is the problem.

This is very true. When they feel like lost control can become violent sometimes. Keep guard up op!