Partner won’t marry me

He could have put an airtag in your car so won't ned to follow you if he wants to know where the rental is.

You need an urgent plan B and C.

What if he throws you out today? What about your stuff, where will you go? You need essentials and valuables out now. Every trip you make out, you need to take something.

He may be working from home to keep an eye on what you are doing, to make sure you don’t take stuff.

Email whoever you need to speak to. Pretend you are working. Lie to him to let him think you aren’t going anywhere soon, to get him off your case this week.

Most couples one would be crying, begging them to stay, being upset, arguing or just showing some sort of emotion - at the very least there would be conversations about it.

Maybe also 'most' couples might be more adult about it & understand we all have the right to end a relationship at any time.

People on the thread are worried about his actions as he appears to be abusive & the most dangerous time with an abusive man is when you leave.

Cant view rental tomorrow - the earliest appointment they had available was Thursday. I’m taking a friend with me so worst case if my car is being followed I’ve got back up.

Why are you worried about him following your car or sneaking around doing viewings behind his back?

He knows you’re planning to move out because you’ve decided to end the relationship, so it’s not going to come as a shock to him.

He is also (I would hope) going to try and make you stay or ask that you reconsider etc.
After 5 years together, I would hope he did everything he could think of to keep the relationship together, apart from getting married or having a joint tenancy.

You obviously wouldn’t stay with him but I’d still expect him to try.

Its odd to me how you’re both so calm about ending a 5 year relationship.

Most couples one would be crying, begging them to stay, being upset, arguing or just showing some sort of emotion - at the very least there would be conversations about it.

Make sure he’s not on the insurance for the car too.

So, he doesn't use your car?

If he doesn't, that's good as you can get all of the keys and put them where he cannot get to them.

You really, REALLY, need to get all of your and your children's paperwork and valuables out of the house. So what if he sees you doing it. As long as you don't bring attention to it, what can he say?

Do not waste another minute on this man. I mean, he did tell you upfront. But nah, move on. You want different things, no-one is right or wrong.

I think his treatment of you on the plane is a very helpful reminder of how 'nice' he can be. Fairness is clearly foreign to him!

Keep a picture of that holiday out - to remind you of what you are dealing with.

I wonder what the hopes to gain by working from home. What does he suspect ?

This!

I think the only way you’ve been unreasonable is to have paid his mortgage up until now with no security or stake in the house!

Big of him to agree that you can leave…. Love how he thinks he can control this.

@Everythingwillbeokk

Do you think he's really WFH or just taking the day off to keep an eye on you. I hate to sound paranoid, but do you think there's any way he overheard a convo or (God forbid) does he know you're on MN? Could he have the house 'bugged' or hidden cams? Now I really do sound paranoid!

I found it interesting that in your convo with him it was referred to as you 'being allowed to leave'. If it was you, you don't really feel you need permission, do you? Are you afraid of something? I can understand him thinking he's the boss of you, but you know he isn't, right?

Since it appears you've lost your day to move things out, see if you can at least find a way to 'stage' things so they're easy to locate & move on short notice. Small items can be smuggled out in clothes 'for the charity shop'. And quietly arrange a different day off from work and say nothing about it.

This.

Please take a day off work (sickie, whatever) and move out as much as you can to your mum's before he works from home. Have your friend with you, if possible to help

He will definitely be doing and saying whatever to get you back in your skivvy appliance box.
Remember he cares not a whit for you or your children.
Your children deserve so much better than this.
So do you.
Don't be manipulated.

Don’t play games. Just do what you need to do.

Don't be fooled by the performance.

He's likely not half as skint as he's allowed you to think. He's just horrified he's lost his cash cow and pulling out all the stops.

Not that you're a cash cow to anyone else, let me make that clear. He's just scum.

Can he afford the mortgage by himself?

Its quite joyful to hear him panicking 🙌

I can’t believe he could be so rude to you and think you’d just keep paying. Especially when you’ve got kids of your own!!!

Ridiculous.

I mean, I'd simplify your whole argument down to that one point.

I need to own property in order to be financially secure in retirement and hopefully have something to leave to my children one day. I can't afford to buy my own property whilst also helping you pay the mortgage on a property you wholly own and I have no stake in. So either we need to buy a property together and commit to a shared future, or I need to move out on my own and build up my own equity, not yours.

Why is that so difficult to understand?

He can't have his cake and eat it.

Is it possible he's read this thread?

@Everythingwillbeokk - This ^^ in spades!!

Doing this in earshot of you is manipulation

Sit tight, you've got this.

@Everythingwillbeokk Where is his children's mum in all this? Is she still alive? It sounds like the children live with him full time and he was expecting you to keep a roof over their heads in the event of his death? Why would you do that if they have a mum? And if their mum isn't alive or capable of taking care of them, what contingency plan will he have now?