Partner won’t marry me

I've been reading your story, and your story is a great example how important it is for women to be financially independent. Good luck with everything!

Sorry, just noticed that you are! Good for you for being so strong.

I don’t think that either of you are being unreasonable, you just want different things. I’d stop contributing to his mortgage though and if you can’t find a compromise on the commitment then I’d leave.

Absolutely agree with every negative he spiuts, and confirm that it is why it is better you split asap.

I wouldn't waste any energy explaining shit to him.

Calm, measured, simply repeating that splitting is best for everyone, asap.

"Well, sure, I'm damaged, but I'm not with you anymore pal, and I'm very at peace with that. You take care you thundering poncing fucknuckle dear"

I'd make sure the estate agent is real, and it's not a scam, especially if you've not heard of them before. They've not asked for a holding deposit to reserve it for you, hopefully!
Otherwise I'm glad you are starting to get those ducks into a row and sound more positive.

Good for you, OP. He’s likely shitting himself because his refusal to commit has come to roost and he’s about to lose his access to (your) family car, his holidays (paid for by you), his mortgage topper-upper (you), and the future security you provided in the instance of his death, by paying his mortgage in full until his kids are old enough to inherit the property (and you walk away with 0). He’s taking the absolute piss and he knows it; his actions mean that he now must sell a home that he cannot afford without a partner. I’m going to bet money that he will try every excuse under the sun this weekend—he’s sorry; this is your fault; you’re too old/ugly/[insert insult here] to ever meet another catch as good as him; the kids will be sad; etc etc etc… Just hold your ground and reply with a simple, “Our values don’t align and it’s time for us both to move on.” On repeat.

I was driving home from work this afternoon and wondered how you had been today, so thank you for the update.
Good news re the filing cabinet box - just make sure he doesn't access your car keys at all.
and my fingers are tightly crossed re the rental 1. I hope you like it and 2. I hope you get it if you like it.
Do you know when it is available from ?

@Everythingwillbeokk

It's funny/not funny how emotional upheaval can drain our energy sometimes even more that physical activity, isn't it? Nap all you want, it's restorative.

I think he thinks you've already calmed down and are pretty much back in your box. Prepare on Saturday for all anything from criticism and recriminations to sorts of promises, possibly even a proposal, to ensure the lid is snapped shut. Just remember that he is a liar and is basically interested in keeping you there to insure his (and his DC) financial future. And that you are entitled to shut down the discussion and/or walk away at any time. You can control the narrative, should you choose.

And if by some chance his 'narrative' ends up being that a split is 'his idea', just roll with it and don't bother to argue. Your goal of getting out will still be accomplished and if he needs to preserve his frail male ego, who really cares?

Good for you for taking time for food, self-care and rest. I really hope the house works out.

Just play along, let him be lulled into a false sense of security so that he doesn't take any action to thwart you in coming days. He'll be thinking that he's going to talk you round this weekend. Let him think that for now. Wait until you have your next home/next steps secured.

Good luck.

How has your day been @Everythingwillbeokk ?

It can take a shock to see things clearly. I think that OP now has his measure. She is looking back over their lives together and is perhaps now realising how she has settled for an idea of him rather than the man himself.

Yes.

And yet, until a couple of days ago, the OP was desperate to get married to him. She proposed, by way of an ultimatum (marry me or else! and they say that romance is dead!), and he declined - which given the terms of her ultimatum, meant that she had to leave.

One foot in, one foot out! He has all the benefits that come with being in a relationship with none of the commitment. I hate to say it but he sounds like one of those men who is 'waiting for a better offer'. Move on and find someone who can't wait to commit properly if that's what you want.

I haven't ..."watched too many crime dramas" but I have read and seen of many court cases in the media and threads on here where women have been tracked by vindictive partners, ex partners or soon to be ex partners, @Blossomtoes and @Salmoney

Just be cautious as this is the worst time for women, danger wise when they decide to leave an abusive relationship, be it physical, mental, emotional or financial abuse.

Oh, and when you leave, Make sure you don’t give him any money in cash. I’d rather hope you just leave him in the lurch. If any utilities are in your name you just transfer them straight to your new place. Don’t give him notice. That way you “owe” him nothing and he has to set up new accounts.

Honestly, this guy’s a cop and a misogynist at that. I would be taking that car to a mechanic and asking them to check for tags asap. I would also be taking my phone to a phone repair shop and asking them to check for bugs too.

Do what is safe but don’t pussyfoot around. Just be matter of fact.

On the other hand, the OP's "D" P has been open about the hard time he'll be giving her, spoken of "allowing" her to leave and unexpectedly taken a WFH day when his employers don't want this.

Yeah I think there's a lot of ridiculousness now to be fair that's not helping things one iota.

You’ve watched too many crime dramas.