Partner won’t marry me

I don’t think he’s done anything wrong here apart from expecting you to pay the mortgage if he dies which is bizarre. I can completely understand him wanting to protect his assets for his children. You clearly want very different things so I have to question why you moved in with him if you knew this was the case, it’s going to be very disruptive for your children. Please next time think carefully before moving your kids in with a man when you both want completely different things. I hope your move goes smoothly 💐.

Yanbu. He's using you to pay half the bills and for convenient sex but gives no thought to what you want. I bet you do more than half the chores to.

His excuses are just that.

I have to be honest I wouldn’t want to get married again with children. It’s a huge risk to their financial security.

You should have thrashed all this out before moving in and contributing to his mortgage, but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

You need to separate and move out.

Exactly. He's been clear from the beginning, seemingly. Why the angst now?

His life insurance, savings or death in service benefit should be paying. His kids: his duty to provide for them.

His position is fine except hes a greedy fucker taking money off you for the mortgage, if you have no interest in the house then you shouldn't be paying towards the mortgage just the bills. That way you can invest in your own property for retirement.

He's made it clear to me this morning that he intends to make the wait I have now in finding a new home for me and my children as awkward and difficult as possible. And no - we have nowhere to go short term
His life is going to be a lot harder when his sugar mummy moves out.
I would try to keep things as civil as possible whilst privately doing everything I could to work things to my advantage. Give him as little information as possible, or even misinformation if it suits 😊

Your post at 13.42 makes it clear that he is an absolute twat.

He really is taking the mick. You will be much better off without him and so will your children. Don't be fooled by any false promises that he gives now. Move on and be happy.

I wouldn't want a partner of 5 years to get my pension or house in the even of my death either. I thinks he's being very sensible

he wants only his children to benefit from his estate when he dies. I contribute to his mortgage

You consider this contributing to a shared asset, whereas he sees this as you paying him rent. I can sympathise why you're happy about that.

He has literally said he would want me to continue paying the entire mortgage and if/when I sell then the entire equity falls to his children

This is taking this absolute piss. He wants the arrangement of you being just a renter, but with all the negative responsibilities of owning an asset.....without actually owning it!

I can understand him wanting to leave most or everything to his children, but he'll be doing that very much at your expense! That is not ok!

Walk away and get legal advice now. He's taking you for a ride OP.

The simple situation is that he lost so much financially in his divorce that he is not prepared to do it again.. I know someone who lost half his pension , has a £600,000 mortgage now when he had £60,000 one before plus he had to give her £136,000 cash too. He will never marry again.

I'm not sure what you expect from an ultimatum tbh. He does not want to marry you nor does he care what would happen to you should he die.

Why would you even want to marry a man who cares so little for you?

He's made it clear to me this morning that he intends to make the wait I have now in finding a new home for me and my children as awkward and difficult as possible.

What's happened this morning?
Are you OK?

He's made it clear to me this morning that he intends to make the wait I have now in finding a new home for me and my children as awkward and difficult as possible. And no - we have nowhere to go short term.

it sounds as if you have a lucky escape OP. I did have some sympathy for his position, I mean he’d at least been honest about it. However, It turns out that in fact he’s just a bog standard arsehole

You should ditch him he's a prick.
To be fair you have been somewhat naive here ☝️😐
. . . but haven't we all (God knows I have) and we are all behind you in standing up for yourself✌🏻🤩

Has he told you this from the start? Or was he open to it beforehand as it seems a long time to only just discover it.
If he was blunt about it from the start, then he will think you were happy about the arrangement however I get as a woman, you think for the right person he'd change his mind.
if he were to die tomorrow, the mortgage wouldn't be transferred to you to pay. If he doesn't have insurance it would simply die with him and be sold by the bank to recoup the balance. Any money left over will be split between his kids if that how he has it set up. Either way, you'd lose your home but you wouldn't be paying for his own kids inheritance.
It's not a situation I would like to be in, I think I'd leave. Can you afford to buy your own?

In that hypothetical scenario, If op is living there in the meantime whilst sorting out where to move to and the children can’t sell at the time, who else would be expected to keep paying besides op?

It's entirely understandable, given that he already has one failed marriage. And he is being totally honest. I don't see what he's done wrong, tbh.

Absolutely do not pay another penny to this man. At this time of year a lot of Airbnb property owners would welcome a good tenant while you get yourself settled more long term. Might be worth contacting a few?

Please see this through ,this man is using you and does not respect you , if this were me and he suddenly decided to marry me it would be to late .
You are not his priority , so take things into your own hands and be your own priority .
How dare he treat you like this especially as you earn more totally outrageous.
Get things moving and start imagining the lovely new home -YOUR NEW HOME and the lovely new life that is awaiting you.

What a nasty man, he's been using you financially all that time