Partner won’t marry me

I never thought you were being unreasonable initially OP- but following your updates, I think you have had a lucky escape!

You don't sound at all compatible and it sounds like to domestic drudge would fall unfairly on your shoulders, with you always at a financial disadvantage.

If it helps your resolve- I think you are right leave. I can't see a good reason here to stay actually

You don't ask your adult partner to pay you rent when they are living in your asset. That's not how a relationship should work. You either share the asset and pay into it jointly or one person maintains their asset and the other builds their own savings. Charging a partner rent (above their share of the running costs) is crappy.

@GuestFeatu I agree. These situations can be like a boiling frog in a saucepan they happen gradually.

If he has kids and a mortgage he should have life insurance to pay it off if he dies not some mug of a partner

Agreed. She can ask him for rent. Or to pay for a larger proportion of food and the increase in council tax bill etc. What she shouldn’t do is ask for half the mortgage to be paid by him.

He sounds a complete and utter knob. Getting annoyed if he gets home and you haven't done all the housework! What century does he think he is living in. Please walk away from this man. You are worth more than this.

@Choochoo21 I think in your friends situation her boyfriend should also be paying half the mortgage interest. As that's the rent part. But not the equity she's repaying- the money he saves he should be free to make his own investment with.

I'm sorry to be harsh but what the hell got into you? You're paying someone else's mortgage and cleaning his house and putting up with his shitty moods while begging for marriage - it's humiliating. I'm glad you're getting out of there, please get some therapy to work out why you did that in the first place.

My dad didn't want to marry the woman he met after he and my mum separated - his choice, but she was very upset by it.
He owned the house they lived in outright, but he did leave a portion of the house value to her in his will, (which is fair enough) and it allowed her to buy her own place after he died.

You're probably not wrong, YaWeeFurryBastard, though maybe OP felt she wanted to give it one last try?

I'm wondering if you've posted about this before, @Everythingwillbeokk?
It's not a unique situation but the details are uncannily similar to a previous one, the only difference being that the idea of you paying for the house if he died has now emerged

Not that it really matters though; all that counts is that this isn't working and that you'll need to look elsewhere for the commitment you want, and I wish you only the best with it

My friend has recently had her partner move in with her.

She’s been married twice before and has 4 kids.

She doesn’t want him on the mortgage as she’s worked and saved hard to get it by herself.

He’s refusing to pay anything towards the mortgage unless his name goes on it.

I’ve told her that he doesn’t get to live there rent free.
They both get a similar wage but she’s paying half of the bills and all of the mortgage, whilst all he is paying for is half of the bills.

Posters on here would be saying that he’s right for doing that but I disagree.

I think he’s got it cushy and she should be asking him for rent.
We would ask our adult children to contribute to rent, so why not our adult partners.

I disagree that OP should pay his mortgage after he dies long term but I think it would benefit her to be allowed to live there for a year or so in that situation.

But this relationship is simply not compatible anyway, so the finer details don’t really matter.

What a cunt he is

The more you update the more it sounds like this man does not even like you. You are convenient to him (doing all of the housework, providing financial security with your higher income, building up his assets) but he obviously does not love you. It sounds like he was only pretending to be nice to you, if he feels that is something he should now withdraw. Move out as soon as you can and focus on building your own security for you and your children.

Ywbuto move into his house in the first place as you wanted different things. Move out and then decide if you want to carry on as bf/gf or look for another relationship that might end with marriage.

I know 🙈

'Hes warming to the idea of marriage '. Aye, right. As I said up thread, he's got an inkling you are backing away and it was an attempt to keep you sweet. He has no intention of marrying you and you will put money into his house for his children while yours could be homeless alongside you. Get out now and have your own house. He can do his own housework.

I’m so sorry op but yanbu. Any human being deserves more than that x

He has literally said he would want me to continue paying the entire mortgage and if/when I sell then the entire equity falls to his children

You'd be stupid to stay with him if that's what he thinks of you, to be blunt.

You must protect yourself financially. I don't understand why he wont buy a house with you as long as he has same or more equity. You could buy as unequal partners if necessary, e.g. him 60%, you 40%. You could instead buy a rental property instead of investing in his mortgage.

The issue is that if he died tomorrow, he's prepared to leave you homeless, which is not right. You should have a lifetime interest (in his will) and then passes to his children.

There was a similar thread a couple of months ago, very rich chaperoning everything to ex wife. She left, if he won't compromise then you should too.

I'm just absolutely shocked that you think him not wanting to marry you is the problem.

How much money have u paid into his mortgage? I think he’s been using you to help his finances.

I’d tell him nothing. You owe this callous, emotionally vacant dickhead nothing. It’s one thing to not to want to get married, it’s another to throw you and your DC under a bus.

Keep your cards close to your chest. Smile and don’t mention it again. Let him think everything’s ok. Meanwhile get your ducks in order, including an appointment to a solicitor. Can you get evidence that you’ve been paying his mortgage?

If so, leave and as you do leave him a parting gift saying you’ve consulted a solicitor and you will be making a claim on his property, or he can pay you the amount you are owed £XK or whatever. Let’s see how he feels when his behaviour comes back to bite him on the arse.

Yes I think you should seek legal advice about this.

Wow! What an absolute prick he is. I wouldn’t lift a finger for him again until I moved out.

Do not lift a finger for him or his kids now let their washing pile up let him cook his own food

Leave leave leave leave. Get yourself a place and every day think ‘he’s going to have to do his own cleaning ha FUCK HIM’