Partner won’t marry me

Landlord and tenants have contracts

Stop contributing to his mortgage. And leave asap.

From his point of view, there is no need of marriage:

• You were happy enough to not marry your last partner and even had two kids with them.
• You have lived with him for 3 years, performing all wifely duties (presumably).

If this is true I'm astounded you're still there. What an absolute prick.

What a charmer. Well, if he doesn't have to be nice anymore, that goes both ways. Do not do ANY more housework, not a single thing in the house that's not for you or your kids before you go. If you have washing to do don't put his in with it - may seem petty, but remind yourself of his plan to get you to pay off the mortgage and hand it over to his kids.. Do not pay anything else towards the mortgage or any house bills. If he says you owe him for any of those, tell him he can claw it back from the payments you made towards his mortgage that he took from you in bad faith.

Second the Air B n B suggestion. Get a longer term let while you sort out a house purchase rather than spend another day looking at this miserable sod.

At least you are in a position to leave and set yourself up elsewhere.
He’s had a great run - live in maid who is helping with the mortgage.
As for not being nice to you? What a child.
Be prepared for him to actually get a shock when you leave and the washing starts to pile up. If he changes his tune, don’t hear it.
I would be interested to hear his ex wife’s thoughts?!

You want different things.

I agree with your DP's sentiments on marriage in this situation but he's a cheeky fucker to expect you to help pay off his mortgage for no return or security.

This is 100% about the boyfriend being financially destroyed during his divorce. Ultimately, he sounds concerned about OP’s finances, which he has every right to be. We aren’t the ones being asked to sign up, so it’s easy to call him an unreasonable monster. Neither me or my husband plan to marry again if we divorce, we feel that after our assets have been divided once, that would be more than sufficient and our over riding responsibility’s (financial and emotional) are to our DD, now and in the future. For whatever reason he doesn’t appear to think the OP’s negotiating position is strong, hard to know what sits behind that bar fear of a rerun. On the bright side this man sounds an excellent father.

He doesn't want to commit to you be tied down and never will it's one thing not to get married but not to settle down and own a home together is another , he wants an easy exit .

Why would anyone say that? If a man moves in with a woman who owns the property she shouldn't charge him 'rent' towards the mortgage. It's foolish. He would only be a cocklodger if she was paying all the rent and living costs. Partners aren't lodgers!

Now he needs to find someone else to do his childcare, and housework and pay towards his mortgage.

he is going to be financially and timewise worse off - sounds like he had the perfect set up. Now he knows he is losing all that you fund he is showing you what he thinks of you.

This. You shouldn't be paying off his mortgage for no benefit.

Do lodgers usually have sex with their landlord and do all the housework?

Pretty sure when a man doesn’t contribute to a mortgage everyone says cocklogder!
She is paying rent to stay in his house. As the landlord he can then spend that rent on his mortgage. Pretty much the same happens in any private renting situation.

YABU to want to marry this absolute charm
of a man! I get the wanting to protect his children’s inheritence in the event of his death but it’s the updates you’ve posted that make me wonder wtf he brings to the party. You do all the housework, earn more, pay into his mortgage and are supposed to be happy! He then says he doesn’t have to be nice to you, I’d find somewhere as quickly as possible to dump this idiot on his arse.

If you have been contributing to his mortgage and the upkeep of the house then I would go and speak to a solicitor as you may be eligible in having an interest in his property.

This is not taking it from his children you are entitled to it for paying for it.

I only mention this as he sounds like a nasty little man so would be nice for him to get some humbling

By payingg towards his mortgage, only one person is benefitting.

buying your own house, putting money into your pension benefits you and your children.

Well done for not being a doormat and giving him an ultimatum. Sadly I think they relationship is doomed anyway - even if he agrees to marry you, you and he will always know that it was duress. And solely from your point of view, do you really want to get married to someone you had to force into it?

Ikr!

I read that & was thinking "why would there still be a mortgage?"

Neither of them is being unreasonable? I think he is, making her pay into the mortgage she'll then get none of...

He sees you as a live in housemaid, sex provider, someone who halves the amount he pays on his mortgage and bills. Whilst he reaps the financial benefits of home ownership (at half the cost).

He does not care about you enough to think that you also deserve financial security for yourself and your children. He is selfish. He only cares about himself.

I can understand his wish to protect his own finances, but if you earn similar amounts and you are offering solutions that mean you can both protect your finances and your own children………. And he doesn’t want that, he doesn’t think you should have the same security as him, he doesn’t see you as equal to him. He’s just not that into you.

Move out and find a relationship with someone who cares about you enough that they want equal security for both of you.

Given your latest update, it's time to stop cooking for him, doing his laundry, cleaning and anything else you do for him until you can move out. Just look after yourself.

You have clearly made a completely skivvy of yourself for a nasty man.
You should be happy that he has made it very clear that he thinks nothing of you and your children.
Have you proof that you have contributed to his morgage?
If so tell him you will be seeking repayment of your contributions.
You have been very silly.
He clearly has been using you with absolutely no intention of marrying you.
Stop doing anything for him or his children.
Any aggression, call the police.
Show that you hzve been paying towards the morgage.
If you feel used, its because he has been using you as a morgaging paying housekeeper.
Your children deserve so much better tjan this nasty man using their mother.
Reach out for suppfrom family and friends and get legal advice.

@Choochoo21 please tell your friend to see a solicitor URGENTLY AAs get a cohabitation agreement drawn up for her new partner to sign. Otherwise she needs to get rid of him now. It will never get any easier to do this.