Partner won’t marry me

Home is where the heart is. It’s just a stepping stone.

The rental represents freedom for you.
Take it if you get it, it's not forever - it's freedom ! and independence from him and his house / mortgage.

It will look better with your appliances i.e. kettle and toaster in the kitchen, and once you move in you will make the place feel like home, and it is not forever !

Whoop! Was wondering how it was going.
As someone who moved a lot as a kid – one of us always got the box room; this is a temporary fix until you find somewhere you can buy, so maybe whichever child gets the box room gets first dibs in the new house when you get it.
I’m only thinking that meals together round a table could be important as you all adjust to the new place, and keeps your kids talking to you and each other. I used to learn a lot from listening to my kids chat to each other at meals, things they might not necessarily say to me… but obviously you do what works for you, if you need the separate office space.
Not sure about whether you can fill in the landlord’s pond, maybe you could put a decked cover over it?
With the kitchen – in our old place, we spend years with the cupboards covered in fablon (think B&Q still sell it) before we could afford to replace. Might be an option, to make it less tired-looking. Also, those companies that do a deep clean are great - usually before moving out, but could get one done of the kitchen before you unpack your stuff. Unless cleaning is therapy for you. Tisn’t for me!
Main thing is, as you say, it’s temporary – a stepping stone to a better place. Hope it all comes together 😎

Go for it, as others have said. You are lucky to be able to move.
I'm sure you'll be able to manage, especially as it's temporary. Good luck.

Box room as office sounds good.

Go for it.

My friend's rental had a very sticky kitchen when she moved in (leaving an abusive boyfriend). I had arranged to stay in on parcel signing duty while her and her other friends went and moved her out of her old place and I managed to make a massive improvement on the kitchen with just human power, a scourer and washing up liquid.

Nowhere is going to be optimal but it sounds manageable and getting out has to be the primary aim at the moment given it sounds like the rental market isn't super fast moving where you live.

Sounds great! Its just a rental not a forever home.

Rental property sounds eminently workable OP - grab it, you can always keep looking for something better, its not forever and it has the stunning feature of 'not having your ex living in it'...

Best of luck!

I would jump in OP! No home is going to be a dream home right now, but it’s better than the Nightmare Towers you currently reside in.
You are still in shock, you have the weekend to get through, we are all cheering you on.
There is a chance your DP could come up with all sorts of bells and whistles but you don’t need us to tell you he’s thinking about his wallet first.
Don’t budge, keep your powder dry and get out!
Just think you and your lovely DC could have a fantastic Christmas in your new home. Bugger worrying about the pond and the kitchen cabinets.
What you will have is peace of mind and no more having to deal with the miserable plod you live with now!
(I still can’t believe he asked you to request your inheritance early what a CF!)

A pond! Awesome. 🤞for you.

Good for you.
Giving it a good clean will give you something to focus on. Therapy!

It's a stepping stone to happiness for you 🥰🥰

IT’S HOUSE DAY!!! Woohoo!!!

OP - how did the house viewing go? We’re all rooting for you! ❤

Good luck for today's house viewing from me, too, @Everythingwillbeokk.
Also, about your chat at the week-end, I think what DuckbilledSplatterPuff · wrote on 02/10/2024 21:01, was excellent advice, particularly:

"Given that you know you definitely want to leave and why - might it be better to play your cards a lot closer to your chest for a while until you have got your future plans a lot more concrete. You say that he's been horrid and ignoring you and making you feel bad, is this going to change whilst you are trying to discuss it? And then you'd be stuck with him in the house for the whole weekend, perhaps with a lot of bad feeling.
Satisfying as it might be to give him the bullet point list right now .. you risk him trying to thwart you as much as possible, plus being gaslit and told off by him and being upset by this which might derail you, when you are trying to keep your emotions together and on an even keel."

Good luck for the week-end, too.

Good luck today 🥰

Good luck today OP!

Just a message to say good luck for tomorrow x this is the start of a new chapter for you and your children. It's crazy that his ex wife is getting married! But hopefully soon none of this will fill your head space! X

I dunno ... my dad, also a 'uniform', expected and got full tradwife service from my poor, frazzled mother. When she had to spend a couple of weeks in hospital, we all thought he'd be stuffed and, maybe, realise how hard she worked.

Nope. He treated it like a military exercise, which was no fun, but by golly he was efficient! We were actually early to school, homework finished the night before, little ones in bed with story read precisely to schedule, everything washed and ironed before it was needed.

It probably helped that we were scared of him, so didn't play up. Sorry for the digression, OP! I've got everything crossed for your rental AND a miraculous development on the house-buying front. Hey, maybe you'll be able to buy the ex's house when he can no longer afford it 😏

He’s definitely bricking it, but that doesn’t alter the sentiment. I wouldn’t accept a proposal from someone who had to be forced, I’d expect that to ricochet whenever there was a dispute ‘I married you, what more do you want’. Erm a willing life partner not a coward.

Yes, imagine, as their parent, he's going to have to do all the "wife-work" the OP clearly carried out for his children (as well as her own), all by himself. That'll be a bit of a shock to his system.

Another thing he has omitted from his calculations, is that having you do the step mothering, helping with lifts, school, homework, clubs, parties, holidays, cleaning, shopping, cooking, helping if they're sick .....is that the care, & happiness his kids are benefitting from is worth more than money, maybe, down the line.

Even I laughed when I read this. You're are doing amazing and are so better off without him. He's using you as a complete meal ticket. Really hope your viewing goes well tomorrow, I'm keeping absolutely everything crossed you love it and get it. I wouldn't even bother to him him out, his actions and behaviour towards you says enough xx

I like this, such a true comment. You’re leaving him behind op, which is infinitely superior to marrying him.