Partner won’t marry me

Ah sorry, didn't note that bit. He'd have to stipulate a Life Interest Trust or Right of Occupany for the OP in his will with his children as sole beneficiaries upon her death or sale of the property (whichever comes first). Even so, as she would've been paying the mortgage presumably for some years she may ultimately have a claim for beneficial or equitable interest in the property. She should seek legal advice on all these points. However, her best course of action (as she has children to consider) is to buy her own property which I believe she intends to do.

Women don’t owe men a relationship FFS. She’s entitled to state what she wants, just as he is, and if she doesn’t get it, leave, as she’s doing.

Another one missing the fact the OP is the bread winner here and has been financing his children. He can’t afford the house without her. Sexism seems to blind some people.

She did try to coerce him - he has stated from the beginning of the relationship that he didn't want to get married and why. Her threat is in the first post, and the thread title - she gave him an ultimatum. Marry me or I leave. An ultimatum is by its very nature, a threat.

He still doesn't want to marry her (no future faking here - he has always been clear that he didn't want to get married) so she needs to follow through on her own words, and leave.

Why is it so hard to recognize shitty treatment? If you think she is just a lodger then she hasn’t committed some weird sin by giving her notice. The landlord doesn’t get to stop lawful service just because you give notice that you will leave. What if she has paid through next month?

If you think she is an ex lover then she is still entitled to kindness and consideration even though he has decided he doesn’t want her to live with him with any security. Just because the relationship ends does that mean any amount of snotty treatment is ok?

Girl you are doing the right thing. Don't let him take anymore of your good years. You deserve commitment, stay strong. Don't give in and carry on doing what you're doing! 🏅

Sorry if I’ve missed this, but where did you live before you moved in with him?

OP threatened to leave if he didn't comply with her wishes.

OP knew his stance on marriage

OP knew her contribution is keeping the housing situation afloat.

So in that position she knew it is almost certain that her partner couldn't keep a roof over his own childrens head if she left. OP knew her ultimatum would destabilise both of them and their children if he refused to comply.

OP knew exactly what she was doing in her ultimatum, it was designed to force him into marriage. Pure manipulation.

That is coercion and a threat

@Choochoo21
You seem to have posted on the wrong thread (or have not read any of OP's posts?).

Well done OP. I wish I had done similar however I had faith for too many years and believed his excuses reasons and now I'm stuck in an impossible situation as all our money is tied up and our two kids have his name. I am not exaggerating when I say him refusing to marry me has marred all of my adult life (been together since we were 21).

He’s using you. You’re worth more than this. What about your security and kids?
Buy your own house. You can still be his girlfriend while having your own house and not putting your hard earned cash into paying for his mortgage. I really hope you leave him and go through with your plan. Get your own home and if you want, another man who wants what you want.

Also - DD and I have done the food shop. Not so delightful DP was quite put out that I’d do a weeks food shopping….. Bearing in mind he is fully aware we have nowhere to go.

OP, why would he be put out by you and dd doing a week's food shopping? I assume you paid for it yourself. Is it because it implies you and your dc are not moving out immediately? Is the food shop also for him and his dc?

If he tries to throw you and your dc out onto the streets out of spite, it might be worth mentioning your 'beneficial interest' in the property as a result of your contributing to the mortgage. That could buy you enough time to settle your family into a more suitable AirBnB even if claiming on the property is not your intention. He does not need to know that.

I think yabu for staying in this relationship so long. Surely use should have discussed this earlier on in the relationship what each other wanted out a long term relationship

But he's happy to take @Everythingwillbeokk money towards his mortgage🙄.

Good ultimatum but I'd leave anyway. No one really should marry someone when they've forced them into it.

I agree.

This hasn’t come as a shock because you’ve always known this to be the case.

You also told him you want to separate so I’m not sure why you are acting surprised that he doesn’t want to do things with you like a couple and wants you out of his house.

I’m also not sure why you even mentioned contacting the police when you say he’s never been aggressive towards you.

I agree with PPs who say you’re not thinking straight right now.

You are living in his home and you’ve ended the relationship.

Instead of being annoyed at him or trying to play the victim, I would be apologising to him for breaking his heart and ending the relationship.
Tell him that you thought you would be ok with no marriage or mortgage but you’re not and you have no choice but to end it.

If you have a bit of compassion for what he’s going through right now, then he may have some compassion for you and allow you to live in his home for longer.

If his DC (sounds like they are teens/pre teens ) say to him "Dad , why are you letting Every leave , she's the best thing that has happened to you and I haven't seen you happier than you've been these last three years"
and he has an epiphany and proposes .........will you still walk ?

OP you'll be fine, he's shot himself in both feet, chased away his golden goose etc.
What a tool he is, you are well rid (& well out of his league!).

OP didnt ”try to coerce” him or “threaten “ him—what odd ideas people do have to be sure. She stated her goals for the relationship and he rejected them. So she has to move out but this isn’t a punishment or a flaw in her reasoning. Its the natural result of having a frank discussion about the future with a future faker.

It is he who is going to be screwed, long term, as he couldn’t manage his household finances without her help. He will now need to take in a lodger who will not have sex with him, or care for him, or help him with his children. Suddenly the invisible wife work she was doing has become visible and he’s big mad that his unvalued female tool turns out to know how to value herself.

Op you have had a lucky escape!

You are being unreasonable by staying with him. Up sticks and move to your own place,
My legs would be tighter shut than a submarine hatch

@Everythingwillbeokk too late for OP, but I would urge anyone to have the conversation before moving in together or having children/any other big commitment. Make sure you are on the same page. If you are not, don’t make any decisions hoping he will change his mind. Cut your losses and give yourself the opportunity of meeting someone who will happily meet your needs and be a partner in every sense of the word.

He didn’t want a relationship with you as a person he wanted a relationship to have access to your earnings so he could use all of your money to pay his house for his children and leave yours without. Also he wanted a housekeeper to clean his house and make his meals and no doubt parent children. He doesn’t deserve help from anyone he has been actively trying to financially abuse you. I would also contact a solicitor to try and gain compensation for the money that you’ve already lost. Good luck OP.

Also people who have said for me to consult a solicitor and see if I have a claim against his property - I’m not interested in doing this. None of my wanting to progress our relationship has ever been for finances, it’s been for security and not the risk of being made homeless in old age or at the drop of a hat. Morally I also always would have financially looked after his children too, because that’s just the right thing to do isn’t it

OP, that makes for a cleaner break. Write it off as rent you would have had to pay anyway.

Does mean you cannot 'threaten' to make a claim on the property as a way of making him behave. Whilst it is not your motivator, looks like money talks for him. It is the way to kick him in the nuts. Just one to keep up your sleeve if he starts becoming more disruptive.

Sounds like he shot himself in the foot by being so frank with you. He is letting the person who has been subsidising and facilitating his lifestyle get away. You are actually fortunate he did - his big mistake and he will realise it soon. It is a lucky escape for you and your dc.

Even so, she’d be living in the children’s house and should be paying rent. Don’t we all pay to live

No more selfish than to keep pressing for a situation he has been absolutely clear about not wanting.

If someone has stated loud and clear they don' want something why keep pushing it. That is just as selfish and twatty as anything he has done. Frankly when my XPs kept pushing for marriage I canned it quickly, that's all he is guilty of here.

They both contribute to the household, you can't blame a parent for looking out for their kids, you can't blame them for being gunshy after a bad marriage.

You cannot issue an ultimatum that threatens someone and then expect them to play nice until you can find a place to stay. The OP knew his position on it, it was on her to make sure she had something in places just in case the balloon went up. We all make mistakes but the shock that he said no yet again is something that could very well have been predicted.

Ultimatums are the pits, just leave if you are unhappy rather than blow everything apart.

You can't keep a mortgage once you're dead? What's he talking about?