Partner won’t marry me

You’re clearly not on the same page, so I agree separating is the best answer here, but there’s nothing unreasonable about expecting you to pay him rent for living in his property without any expectation of gaining a beneficial interest in the property.

A free ride?! Fuck me, either you’ve not read all OP posts and seen she’s the bread winner, she financially supports HIS kids and he can’t afford the house without her, or you’re so bias against women you can’t see how ridiculous this comment is.

You are not being unreasonable. I’m sorry it’s come to this point which is no doubt a painful one. You are right though.

He is entitled to state his terms, I think they are extreme and unfair if you are actually contributing to his mortgage but there you are, if he won’t change he won’t.

I have a relative who spent many years with a divorced man who similarly said he would never marry again. In the end they did marry decades later partly for tax and legal reasons. The huge difference is that in the meantime they owned a home 50/50 and have made arrangements to protect potential inheritance of their individual families.

Good luck to you, you sound very clear thinking and I am sure you can build a great future without this particular man.

How much equity/assets does he have? What do you have?

If you have very little and have just been paying him rent to cover you and your dc living in his house then it would be entirely unfair to split everything 4 ways.

I think the payment is rent. Which the OP would be paying elsewhere. It's not unreasonable that she pay him something to live in his house. Otherwise she'd be mooching off him

It's a little unreasonable that he thinks the OP should pay off the mortgage if he died but not own any if the value upon sale 🫤

I think we're talking at cross purposes here. OP partner wants her to pay his mortgage for his kids in the event of his death
Sorry if i had the genders wrong

Did you have your own house before moving in with him, or rented? So this man who was supposed to be committed to you, would have you homeless if he dies and won’t put you on the mortgage even though you contribute etc. I think all you’ve been doing is help pay this man’s mortgage OP. You could have been putting that money towards your mortgage and your kids future. I can see you’re leaving him, good for you. He put you in a vulnerable position financially, he was in control and knew it! What a shit!! You know now it was a mistake as he’s turned nasty as soon as you challenged him. You say you earn more, so get out there, save up, get away from him and buy your own place, where you are in control. And don’t move in with another guy until you are totally sure you will be secure in the future!

What a pig, well he’s done you a favour, as why would you want to marry him. Well let him struggle paying the mortgage on his own, can’t believe you’re paying into it for zero benefit. His little plan was shocking. I’d try and move asap even if you are on a sofa bed for a couple of months until you’re sorted

But many people still do.Relationships end, people choose to start again.
He is being unreasonable, because he expects everything to go his way, basically what he says goes.He’s expecting everything a relationship has to offer, without the commitment.If he feels this way, he should be paying his own mortgage.

She is the higher earner, and also picks up all the household chores. She brings more to this relationship than he does. He's just massively hoisted himself by his own petard.

I actually agree with your partner. You both already have children. Your financial responsibility is to your children. Getting married again would complicate that issue.

marriage is an excellent arrangement for people who want to procreate together to form an economic unit to raise their children. You will have shared economic goals. first children, then the empty nest and finally retirement.

you and your partner have separate priorities. Marriage and co-mingling of finances isn’t the logical step. Your goals will never be truly aligned. You can still have a romantic relationship while keeping your business life separate. That is probably easier if you don’t live together.

(I also think he shouldn't be taking your money)

I keep seeing PP's saying this and it's just ridiculous. He's not "taking" anything. She has to pay her share to live in the home, just as she would have to pay rent or a mortgage if she had her own home.

If a woman wrote that her male partner were living in her home and not paying his share to do so, you would be able to hear the screeches of "kick the cocklodger out" all the way around the world.

And if the op's boyfriend did die, and she still remained in the home, why wouldn't she still need to pay to do so? Why on earth would this man, or his kids/his estate, owe her a free ride?

The op made a very poor choice thinking she would get him to change his mind about marriage. She gambled and she lost. She knew full well his stance on marriage and she chose to put herself and her kids into this very vulnerable position, by possibly having to leave the home they live in if the op's little ultimatum didn't work. That has now happened and her kids have to suffer the consequences of her decisions.

I agree. It's not in anyone's interest to remarry when they have assets and especially not when they have children.

By contributing the the mortgage while you live there, you have an interest in his property anyway. It's called a constructive trust.

I hope you find somewhere for you and your children very soon. your partner is an absolute ARSE and does not deserve you or your children in his life.

I don't understand why people rush into living together when there are kids involved.

You moved in with him after two years with a 7 year old and 12 year old.

I'm a single mom myself and will never understand this.

You both didn't even want the same things!

It's always the kids that get screwed over in these situations.

Well it's easy to resolve this issue if he wants to. You buy a house as tenants in common, he leaves his share to his kids and vice versa. Whichever is the first to die, the other one can buy out their share and pay off their kids, if they can afford to, or the house can be sold to release the money to the kids.

Alternatively, you do the same as the above but give the survivor a life interest in the property so they continue to live there until they die and then the kids inherit their parents' shares in the property on death of the second parent to die.

It's not difficult. If he doesn't want to do either of the above, move on.

She wants commitment.
Bloody hell, she is even willing to give an equal share of her family inheritance to HIS kids.

He wants a housekeeper who will pay him for the privilege and provide sexual favours for free.

He also wants his kids to benefit from her salary and inheritance to the point her children get sod all.

Oooh, so tempting.

He has shown what an arsehole he is.

When things go wrong people show their true colours - it is good that you are getting to see the real him. It’s also seems like he has been using you, and definitely not giving two figs about what happens to you and your children. It’s good you have seen the “real him” before marriage and further commitment. Good luck OP

I presume he had the house before he met you so I don't blame him for wanting to protect that. If you got married, you would be entitled to half his assets?

His reaction shows that you have done the right thing.

I'd also consider moving in with your mum temporarily.

He sees you paying the mortgage as a financial bonus, you see it as a sign of how committed you are.

He is not wrong to want his assets to go to his children (I also think he shouldn't be taking your money). I'd say there is no way in the world he will make a will saying you get to live there until you die or whatever.

I'll never get married for a lot of the reasons he says, but I'd also never expect my partner to pay the mortgage for the sole benefit of my child!

I think it's as simple as your priorities aren't aligned, you're not wrong for wanting what you want and he's not wrong for wanting what he wants (aside from the part where you keep paying the mortgage when he dies...). It will never resolve so the choice is yours - live with it or move on, but don't expect him to change his mind because he's telling you up front and honestly what he wants.

Don't marry someone who needs an ultimatum in order to marry you. He doesn't see you as a life partner.

Go ahead and move out and start a new phase of your life without him.

That's what you asked.
Would you expect him to pay the mortgage for his own children in the event of his death?

Yes, I would expect him to arrange for the mortgage to be paid, most obviously via insurance.