Page 2 | Partner won’t marry me

Everythingwillbeokk · 2024-09-29T12:06:09+00:00

Partner simply refuses to marry me. He is divorced, has 2 kids. I have never been married, also have 2 kids. Together for 5 years, lived together for 3. I’ve made it clear I want marriage and commitment, he has made it clear he doesn’t - states he only ever wanted to get married once and it didn’t work out He also refuses to commit to buying a house together and states it is because he wants only his children to benefit from his estate when he dies. I contribute to his mortgage and when I have really pushed the ‘if you died tomorrow what would you expect?’ He has literally said he would want me to continue paying the entire mortgage and if/when I sell then the entire equity falls to his children - I have told him this will therefore leave me in a position where I will potentially be homeless and elderly. Also he has a good pension set up, again he would not want me to benefit from this in the event of his death. So I’ve given him an ultimatum - I’ve told him that if there’s no marriage, no commitment in any way, house purchase etc - then I am leaving. I have also started looking at rentals/smaller houses I can buy (I have a small deposit and a good income, I actually earn more than him) Please someone tell me I am not BU 😓

BettyBardMacDonald · 04/10/2024 16:20

IVbumble · 04/10/2024 16:19

If it's doable a landlord often likes 3 or 6 months rent in advance which can bump you up the queue.

Good idea, if you have the funds, OP.

Original poster

Everythingwillbeokk · 04/10/2024 16:20

IVbumble · 04/10/2024 16:19

If it's doable a landlord often likes 3 or 6 months rent in advance which can bump you up the queue.

I can afford to do this x

OP posts:

IVbumble · 04/10/2024 16:19

If it's doable a landlord often likes 3 or 6 months rent in advance which can bump you up the queue.

BettyBardMacDonald · 04/10/2024 16:19

Everythingwillbeokk · 04/10/2024 16:15

I’ve driven over to the other house - eeek I really like it! It’s very tidy at the front and it’s massive in the living area!

ive called the estate agents again - they have said all viewings are on Friday and nobody can claim it before then. Apparently all applications are submitted to the landlord for him to decide. I’m tempted to submit a letter to convince him we are who he should choose - would that be too much do you think?

No. That's how I got my little house. I wrote a heartfelt letter to the owners and they picked me, even though another party offered a bit more.

Do whatever it takes. Do you have the landlord's contact information?

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 04/10/2024 16:18

Everythingwillbeokk · 04/10/2024 14:02

Yikes! So I’ve submitted forms to estate agents and they have said as someone else has viewed and applied quicker they will come back to me on it.

But as it is, another one on the next street has come up on Right Move today - it’s nicer. I have to believe this is happening for a reason. It’s only £100 a month more and it’s got a brand new kitchen and the garden is bigger, fully turfed and has a huge patio too. I’ve booked to view next Friday and yes, this is apparently the day they have booked for viewings….. sigh.

I will also keep looking. Keeping positive!

In answer - yes we are having a chat later. And yes no kids this weekend. It does also appear he has already made plans for a night out this weekend with friends which again is out of character for him, he hardly ever goes out. So perhaps he is going to be just formally accepting that I’m leaving. We will see!

Good luck for the week-end - just nod and smile, don't say anything about your plans and above all, don't let him persuade you that you deserve to carry on paying his mortgage for him and doing all the skivvying just because he is a man who thinks he is better than you.

Tellysavelas · 04/10/2024 16:17

Everythingwillbeokk · 04/10/2024 16:15

I’ve driven over to the other house - eeek I really like it! It’s very tidy at the front and it’s massive in the living area!

ive called the estate agents again - they have said all viewings are on Friday and nobody can claim it before then. Apparently all applications are submitted to the landlord for him to decide. I’m tempted to submit a letter to convince him we are who he should choose - would that be too much do you think?

No, go for it!

Is the rent reasonable? You could offer an extra £25 month.

Original poster

Everythingwillbeokk · 04/10/2024 16:15

I’ve driven over to the other house - eeek I really like it! It’s very tidy at the front and it’s massive in the living area!

ive called the estate agents again - they have said all viewings are on Friday and nobody can claim it before then. Apparently all applications are submitted to the landlord for him to decide. I’m tempted to submit a letter to convince him we are who he should choose - would that be too much do you think?

OP posts:

hollyblueivy · 04/10/2024 15:45

BettyBardMacDonald · 04/10/2024 15:42

Go over and peer at the nicer house, and put in the application right now! Too frustrating to wait until next week.

It would be worth forfeiting the fee if you step over the threshold next week and don't like it; if you DO like it you'll be a week closer to moving in. Are there any photos you can review?

Ooh this is a great idea.

BettyBardMacDonald · 04/10/2024 15:42

Go over and peer at the nicer house, and put in the application right now! Too frustrating to wait until next week.

It would be worth forfeiting the fee if you step over the threshold next week and don't like it; if you DO like it you'll be a week closer to moving in. Are there any photos you can review?

Silvers11 · 04/10/2024 15:26

@Everythingwillbeokk Are you going to be starting another thread on this situation soon? Won't be long until this one is full and I am so rooting for you to get another accommodation and get away from your Partner?

I agree with other posters, submit an application ASAP for the new property and keep your fingers crossed that you are ahead of the game

Pimlicopolly · 04/10/2024 15:03

Great news . This is the first of many positive things in the future you are creating for yourself and your children . No matter how much he begs or what he promises don’t change your mind . You can do this xx

ALHCTPS · 04/10/2024 14:47

I don’t see how any woman wouldn’t be rooting for you, OP. Get your ducks in a row and leave him to reap the rewards of his own selfish entitled behaviour.

Tellysavelas · 04/10/2024 14:41

Everythingwillbeokk · 04/10/2024 14:02

Yikes! So I’ve submitted forms to estate agents and they have said as someone else has viewed and applied quicker they will come back to me on it.

But as it is, another one on the next street has come up on Right Move today - it’s nicer. I have to believe this is happening for a reason. It’s only £100 a month more and it’s got a brand new kitchen and the garden is bigger, fully turfed and has a huge patio too. I’ve booked to view next Friday and yes, this is apparently the day they have booked for viewings….. sigh.

I will also keep looking. Keeping positive!

In answer - yes we are having a chat later. And yes no kids this weekend. It does also appear he has already made plans for a night out this weekend with friends which again is out of character for him, he hardly ever goes out. So perhaps he is going to be just formally accepting that I’m leaving. We will see!

OP, I’d be asking the agent if there’s anything you can do to get pushed up the list.

Beastiesandthebeauty · 04/10/2024 14:33

R.e him going out - it's more then likely he's trying to bravado, ni matter his commitment there is always ego damage

AmberAlert86 · 04/10/2024 14:30

RandomMess · 04/10/2024 14:10

Stick the application in now, withdraw and take the financial hit if it's unsuitable.

Good idea! Have a snoop around and apply if no red flags externally! Then you will be ahead of hour competition.
Does it cost much to submit an application?

AmberAlert86 · 04/10/2024 14:29

Everythingwillbeokk · 04/10/2024 14:02

Yikes! So I’ve submitted forms to estate agents and they have said as someone else has viewed and applied quicker they will come back to me on it.

But as it is, another one on the next street has come up on Right Move today - it’s nicer. I have to believe this is happening for a reason. It’s only £100 a month more and it’s got a brand new kitchen and the garden is bigger, fully turfed and has a huge patio too. I’ve booked to view next Friday and yes, this is apparently the day they have booked for viewings….. sigh.

I will also keep looking. Keeping positive!

In answer - yes we are having a chat later. And yes no kids this weekend. It does also appear he has already made plans for a night out this weekend with friends which again is out of character for him, he hardly ever goes out. So perhaps he is going to be just formally accepting that I’m leaving. We will see!

Please keep us updated, or else we will worry ❤️

RandomMess · 04/10/2024 14:10

Stick the application in now, withdraw and take the financial hit if it's unsuitable.

BIossomtoes · 04/10/2024 14:09

Can you check the second house out now? Have a look through the downstairs windows if it’s empty, then put an application in before viewing?

Original poster

Everythingwillbeokk · 04/10/2024 14:02

Yikes! So I’ve submitted forms to estate agents and they have said as someone else has viewed and applied quicker they will come back to me on it.

But as it is, another one on the next street has come up on Right Move today - it’s nicer. I have to believe this is happening for a reason. It’s only £100 a month more and it’s got a brand new kitchen and the garden is bigger, fully turfed and has a huge patio too. I’ve booked to view next Friday and yes, this is apparently the day they have booked for viewings….. sigh.

I will also keep looking. Keeping positive!

In answer - yes we are having a chat later. And yes no kids this weekend. It does also appear he has already made plans for a night out this weekend with friends which again is out of character for him, he hardly ever goes out. So perhaps he is going to be just formally accepting that I’m leaving. We will see!

OP posts:

BettyBardMacDonald · 04/10/2024 13:50

House sounds great. You can spruce it up. I hope you get it!

Is it vacant now; no tenants to clear out?

Secondwifenotsecondbest · 04/10/2024 13:47

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 04/10/2024 13:34

You mentioned he wanted to talk, and you have agreed to this weekend as the children are away.

does this mean your children are away, and his children are away too ?

Please be very very very careful - this weekend could become the most dangerous one in your relationship.

I agree with this poster - I am sooooo happy for you and please do take this house, HOWEVER I would limit the time to talk to an hour or so and have made plans to be elsewhere (at a set time so if you don't show up someone will notice). I know it sounds dramatic but trust me, women have died/been seriously injured 'having a chat' with an abusive man who may well be spiralling with his ex re-marrying and you actually leaving him. Just keep yourself safe, you have to get out and start your new life with your DC.

let us know what happened over the weekend please - I've been glued to this thread😀

OnTheBoardwalk · 04/10/2024 13:42

Box room could work with storage of clothes etc in another room?

as PP said you might want to want to keep the dining room to get together for meals

Tae1 · 04/10/2024 13:40

OP, you can make this work.
A good clean and caulking will help.
The convience to school is a really huge plus.
The office sounds handy and you might look out for a narrow table with two leaf drops. They are so handy but trays can work too.
This is a godsend on your way to where you want to be.
Make ig work and get out of his house asap.
You have got this.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 04/10/2024 13:37

ask if you can at least empty the pond - assuming it has not got fish in it ! otherwise you may find your dog is in it constantly, and depending on the size of your dog it could be dangerous for the dog i.e. the difference in a shih tzu ' v ' a labrador.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 04/10/2024 13:34

You mentioned he wanted to talk, and you have agreed to this weekend as the children are away.

does this mean your children are away, and his children are away too ?

Please be very very very careful - this weekend could become the most dangerous one in your relationship.