Partner won’t marry me

Yes, he is that stupid.

I suspect he let his misogynistic rage at OP not being willing to engage in financial self-harm to her/dcs' detriment and to his/his dc' advantage get the better of him. Imagine a woman actually being able to think logically, having proper boundaries to remove her counterintuitive financial support and escape his clutches without begging him to change his mind.

More fool him. Lucky escape for OP.

Just another nasty little prick that thought he had a woman on the back foot and could treat her like an appliance.

He's really dim actually. Just that, dim.

OP sounds awesome.
There is nothing as satisfying as taking control and taking the wind out of the sails of a presumptuous man.

You are all kinds of fabulous! May I recommend also getting a mani-pedi and buy yourself a new outfit just to give him the opportunity to tell you you’re wasting money? I do hope you’re just cooking for the kids and yourself now and all laundry a-la Plod has ceased…

Glad you are deciding to leave . It’s brave step and scary but ultimately worth it . You look after yourself and next time you meet a man set your expectation out at the get go so you don’t have your time wasted There are plenty of men out there who do want marriage and commitment

What does he do with his money that he has no savings, considering that you pay the larger share of mortgage, cook, clean, shop, manage the household, provide car and holidays and look after the children and he has a steady job with reliable income that with perks and overtime or shift work allowances, must be fairly decent?

He sounds a bit stupid tbh
Glad you're getting rid

Because he’s expecting her to keep paying half the mortgage (as well as his holidays, shared car and treats for his dc) for the next 20 years or whatever and yet not have any share in the house.

Because she is. She’s also providing him with a free car and holidays.

Why do people keep saying she's paying his mortgage?

She's contributing but she's living there too.

He absolutely deserves everything he's got coming to him.

Sorry if I've missed this, but do his DC live with you? In which case it will be an awful shock for them.

The crazy/frustrating thing OP, is that there are so many ways he could have agreed to a fairer arrangement, where everyone is a winner.

For example ring fencing deposits etc as you suggested.

Either he's a bit stupid, or he thinks you are. And it's him and his children who've lost out.

Good luck with the rental.

How is he generous?

Generous in letting the op contribute to his mortgage (that he cant afford without her)?

In letting her live there and do most of his domestic tasks?

The only person giving anyone any money, is the op to him.

totally agree with this

get yourself sorted and move on. You’ve wasted more than enough time with someone that has different values to you.
Look for exactly what you want.

you are paying into a mortgage that your children are not going to see a penny of, just his - this is not fair, and if it's his house and he died, then will his children let you still live in it or will they want you out straight away. You need to seek legal advise and set something in place or you are essentially providing for his children and not your own

She doesn’t have a lifetime interest, this is a carrot he’s throwing at her.

He might live for another 20 years and OP would have paid half the mortgage by then and still be entitled to nothing.

And as Historian says, he can withdraw it any time. It offers OP zero security.

She is better off leaving the twat and buying her own place.

Will you update your view of him in light of that?

You and others seem really invested in OP paying off this man’s mortgage..

A lifetime interest or deed of trust is put in a will and can be changed at any time. He could do it without her knowing and she could end up elderly and homeless.

So you have a lifetime interest in his property. That's quite a big difference from what you initially said, and demonstrates that you misunderstood the situation. Will you update your view of him in light of that? In my view he is being pretty generous. I am not sure why you think he should give you his money, especially as you are keen to let us know that you have more money than him. He has children and they should inherit. He is not leaving you high and dry if he dies, he is making sure you are looked after for life. All he is ensuring is that when you die his kids get his money, which is what any sensible father would do. Keeping finances separate is a completely reasonable path to take when both parties have kids from before the relationship.

Yes, sadly I do mean by someone else.

Good luck with the new home OP 💐 it sounds like your life is already moving on in a good way!

This relationship sounds like it hadn’t been working for a while and so it’s a good thing he didn’t want to marry you (even if it may not feel like it right now).

Its great that he puts his kids first but there’s a way to do that without making other people like shit.

I feel sorry for your kids in this, as they seem to be the bottom of the pile in everything.
He puts himself and kids before you and your kids and you put him before your kids.
It will be nice for them to have their own home.

Honestly don't even bother playing games, don't lower yourself. Go to the gym for yourself, not for an awful man who probably won't care anyway. Same with planning to leave, if he doesn't react heartbroken as you want him to you'll be upset by it. You're better than that.

Good luck with the house OP!
As for him and his finances, well, I find it very strange that he put you under so much pressure while he is living in a house he can’t afford with no savings. So all the stuff about providing for his kids? He’s going to have to step up now.
We are all hoping that house is yours.
And well done on doing your tan what a woman ✔️✔️✔️

Sounds like you’re handling it tremendously well OP. Well done on losing that half a stone that’s a great achievement. Kill him with kindness and then when you’re ready you can break away from him in your financially secured life looking absolutely fabulous and leave him where all self centred, arrogant dickheads like him deserve to be - struggling to pay his mortgage and living like a slob. He could have had a wonderful life with a wonderful partner for the rest of his days but his greed and selfish nature has lost it for him but you always deserved so much better and sometimes this is the universe telling us we need to make that leap forward to get the things that match with our worth. It’s obviously very emotionally taxing for you at present but you are allowed to feel more than just a little bit smug. You will come out on top and be winning at life in the long run - you just have to hold onto that thought and allow it to guide you through these tough times.

Good luck about the rental OP. I hope you get it

OP, please get your valuables, paperwork out of that house asap. Taking a day off work if necessary when he isn't around.
You will feel better when they are beyond his reach.
Can friends take boxes, or colleagues?
Put the word out.
Take any receipts for goods you bought too.
He is not your friend.
Treat him as hostile.
So hope you get the house.🤞