Partner won’t marry me

@HomeTheatreSystem he has said to OP that it is in his will - see OPs update - a lifetime interest. If that's true it means she can live in it for the rest of her life. If he dies tomorrow that's potentially a very long time, for what is quite a short relationship. Totally legally enforceable. I think it's pretty generous. I wouldn't want my kids to have to wait 30, 40, 50 years for a short term partner to die before they got their inheritance when they could have it sooner and get themselves on the property ladder.

Only if he owns as joint tenants. If it’s a tenancy in common it can be left in the will. Any joint tenancy can be severed unilaterally at any time to make it a tenancy in common as well.

Anyway the “asset-less” woman in this case earns more than the man and without her contribution he’s likely to have to sell it. It’s very noble to want to leave stuff to your kids but you can’t just screw other people over in the process. Now it looks like he will have to sell so boo hoo to him and his kids I guess.

Not sure about whose ex would take control on his death but if he’s divorced an ex spouse is not entitled to anything unless it says so in the will and would take control of nothing.

Sorry your second para is not accurate legally. Muddled concepts, too much to unpack.

I don’t know I’m starting to think it’s a bit grabby to want to inherit the property of a man you’ve been living with for only 3 years, over his children….

It doesn’t sit right with me.

I think you are right to break up though and focus on building assets for your own children and leave him to his.

So if something happened to me or you, would we want our dh re-marrying or putting an asset-less woman on the house? I wouldn’t, separate everything because my and dh assets are for our dc, nobody else’s thanks!

It is only the house we are talking about. Because inheritance or other funds can be left to their separate dc in a Will. If a house is co-owned jointly or in common then it goes to the co-owner. Bf does not want that, he considers her contributions as rent. The stuff about after he dies is nonsense from him, his ex would take control of the house no doubt.

Absolutely it is a massive commitment and contract. It’s why ppl are wary of doing it. You need to think it through carefully.

Tbh, from the sound of him, he'll likely be looking for his next childminder and mortgage payer.
He's going to need someone quickly.
Don't be too upset if this happens really quickly. It's not about you. X

All OP needed was to have her name on the house, tenant in common probably, marriage unnecessary. Bf does not want that,

As for her potential inheritance, was op really going to share it with bf? He might inherit from his own parents too, he should share it with her? No.

So true. There are lots of lovely policemen I am sure but there’s also ones who go into the profession for more sinister reasons. I’ve known a few and they weren’t nice.

The man is beyond dim: he did not say "my will gives you life interest provision in this house", he simply told her verbally that his kids will let her stay on in the house were he to die and as long as she continues to pay the mortgage. There is no way that is enforceable after his death unless it's in his will. If his kids inherit and want to sell the house they can, making OP homeless.

Lots of police men think they have all the power at home too.

Be careful when "showing him what he's missing."

@PassingStranger marriage is a commitment and a legal contract with financial implications and child support implications.

Lol this relationship is broken alright. OP should thank her lucky stars this idiot didn’t listen to her ultimatum to get married because it would be a hell of a lot harder to split from him.
OP he’s showing his true colours- class A wanker. I’d get out of there ASAP. I hope he does have to sell his house now and realises what a knob he’s been and what he’s lost through his own behaviour

marriage dosent equal committment at all.
Staying together does.
Are you saying that couples who have been together years arent committed they are. they have stayed together.
Why are you forcing something, its quite old fashioned today anyway.

If it aint broke dont try and fix it.
relationships split up married or not as you know.

Always go with your gut instinct! I really hope the house you've seen works out. Rooting for you so much this end. Keep your chin up, you're doing amazing x

OP has a big inheritance coming. She has better earning power (and I dare say longer earning ramp since he is likely to have to retire or die earlier as a police officer). The division of assets upon a divorce is not the same as that passing under a will. It is not automatically 50-50 of everything.

Marriage on balance benefits him and not her.

I think OP is right to keep it light and normal until she can instantly fly the coop with her possessions and dcs. I suspect there will be some denial on his part and of course misogyny will cloud his ability to attribute agency and independence to a woman.

Yeah, there is no need to talk about the new gym. OP, if you are packing away valuables etc ahead of the move (which is a sensible thing), keep it on the low.

Also, I am afraid that as a police officer, he will have knowledge of and access to surveillance devices. Watch out for hidden cameras, air tags, Alexa. If possible, can you do any phone calls outside the home on a different phone? I am being paranoid but another reason to get out of the house asap.

Where is his dc mother? Would op look after his dc if he died and they were married? OP is not a good bet to marry, not in the assets sense, op and her dc would get at least half of everything if he dies or divorces. If married he and his dc would get half of what she has I suppose, except she doesn’t have a house, so that’s half of diddly squat. Both genders I would say the same.

Op is only renting until she finds somewhere to buy.

Where did you get the idea she doesn't have much savings?

I’m in a really good financial position, good credit rating, savings

It's starting to look like her strong financial position is one of the things he found attractive. Anyway, it is his problem now, because he can't afford it on his own!

I also wouldn't bother playing games Op.

You've decided to go & that's it.

If he's heartbroken it won't be for you but what you contribute.

He has already shown that he doesn't care.

Who has defined this as her paying half the mortgage? She lives in his house he owns it. She cannot live there for free, so it is rent. Same rent she will now pay a landlord.

I have been on threads where the woman owns the house and I agree with all those comments about not letting a man get half of or a share of the house that she has paid eg. 10 years on or owns outright. Also, not to get married if you have assets.

In theory this man the OPs bf can get a lodger or 2 even and pay for his house that way.

The only thing I agree with is that OP pays too much. She should pay her share if the bills and a lodger room rate only, as that is all she is getting. The fact she has no house if her own, isn’t her bf problem.

OP has no house, not much savings either, she wouldn’t be a good bet to marry this far in to his life. They are not starting off together on a house purchase and having dc together - sorry it is the same whichever gender the op is.

OP can save for herself whilst living with him or renting elsewhere, the only difference is the amounts paid as one might be cheaper.

This is a really good question!

Could be paying a lot of child maintenance or a habit of some sort??

Careful with the winding up

You don't want him to turn nastier than he already is

Practically Perfect In Every Way...

Just a side note for the hard of reading: the man is in a potentially dangerous line of work. He could die at any time. (Hopefully not). He has made no arrangement fir his live in partner and her children other than allowing her to continue paying for the mortgage (the whole cost of the mortgage) so that his children can inherit the house. As she will not be his wife and inherit, or have any tie to the children, why would she not leave and pay her money towards her own property at that point? Why would any woman hang around in this fake widowed position?

Everyone complimenting him on how sensible he is not marrying the OP and how sensible his supposed “life interest” plan for the OP has failed to realize that marriage offered him protection that OP would stick around and share the burden and care for his children in the event he was injured or died. Now he gets nothing.

But, OP, don’t play games with him or try to make him regret your going. The british police have an absolutely horrendous reputation for domestic violence and misogyny . Just get out fast.