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Original poster

To not want to buy Christmas gifts

65 replies

ChristmaschaosAgain · 29/09/2024 12:18

It's just that really. It is an expensive time, I have my young dcs to buy for, food, dh's birthday (a big one). I'm just sick of the stress of trailing through busy shops and buying for the sake of it.
I have a sibling I want to tell that I'd prefer to exchange cards only. How do I go about this? Even token gifts get out of hand, can be over spent on, and become expensive, chocolate and wine etc. It all seems a bit pointless. My sibling is fussy, with expensive taste, and wouldn't be enthralled with what I'd get. Likewise, I don't like the last minute expensive things bought back. They're never my taste and are donated. It seems that we can just both avoid wasting money.

How do I go about telling my sibling I don't want to do gifts? I prefer cards only, even on my birthday, this was not listened to and an elaborate gift was given. This had to be donated, expensive perfume and chocolates that weren't my taste. My sibling doesn't have dcs, and if buys for mine I feel I have to buy back, and then it gets into this situation. It is the way I am, I can receive a gift and not give one in return. I don't want to hear its okay, I want to do it still. I want to keep is simple this year.

I don't like the fuss.

OP posts:
Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 29/09/2024 12:38

ChristmaschaosAgain · 29/09/2024 12:36

We aren't really close to do a trip out my sibling is so fussy, I couldn't think of anything worse.

Show quote history

Begs the question why you are exerting so much effort on a gift then! Just send a text saying you’d rather not do gifts because money is tight and you’re stressed (and to please not receive any because it makes you even more stressed knowing you can’t reciprocate)

HotDogJumpingFrogHaveACookie · 29/09/2024 12:36

Just tell people you don't want to do it. My sister in law did that a few years ago and my sister did last year. I just spent the money I'd normally spend on something nice for myself so I was quite happy!

I really dislike how out of hand gift giving, and Christmas in general really, can get.

Original poster
ChristmaschaosAgain · 29/09/2024 12:36

Staunchlystarling · 29/09/2024 12:35

No idea why you’re trawling rhe shops, I do mine on line. And I’ve never heard of anyone donating chocolates, where did you donate them to?

jusg tell her, no gifts, and if she buys, then you will need to donate again.

😂 food bank in tesco, somebody will get a treat!

OP posts:
Original poster
ChristmaschaosAgain · 29/09/2024 12:36

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 29/09/2024 12:33

we just buy for our parents and children. Just tell them now 🤷‍♀️ Doesn’t need to be a big deal. Just say moneys tight and you’re a bit stressed could you not do presents. Maybe suggest a trip out instead.

We aren't really close to do a trip out my sibling is so fussy, I couldn't think of anything worse.

OP posts:
Staunchlystarling · 29/09/2024 12:35

No idea why you’re trawling rhe shops, I do mine on line. And I’ve never heard of anyone donating chocolates, where did you donate them to?

jusg tell her, no gifts, and if she buys, then you will need to donate again.

Bohomovies · 29/09/2024 12:35

It’s a difficult situation. I really want to stop doing gifts and cards for everyone. It’s got out of hand, and is completely pointless. In my case I’ve decided that elderly relatives will still get gifts and cards, as they’ve done this their whole lives and would probably be very hurt if I suggested not doing them. But for everyone else, I am going to talk to them about this and see what they say.

Commonsense22 · 29/09/2024 12:33

Don't tell, just do. My sister clearly decided she didn't want to do birthdays for a few years and just stopped.
I found it a bit weird at first bit soon got over it. She resumed a few years later.

All my nephews / nieces have birthdays around Christmas and it does get crazy expensive. I love giving and receiving gifts so try to plan but I do get you.

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 29/09/2024 12:33

we just buy for our parents and children. Just tell them now 🤷‍♀️ Doesn’t need to be a big deal. Just say moneys tight and you’re a bit stressed could you not do presents. Maybe suggest a trip out instead.

VictoryOrDeath · 29/09/2024 12:33

My siblings and I give one another a set amount of money for birthdays, then we tell each other what we've chosen to put it towards. This way, we all get something that we actually want and will enjoy.

Original poster
ChristmaschaosAgain · 29/09/2024 12:33

stargazer02 · 29/09/2024 12:28

Would you consider a compromise? Might be tricky given their expensive taste but could you suggest you go out for a meal or a spa day (each paying for their own treatments) instead of exchanging gifts? Spend some quality time together, maybe extending to other family members?

I only do gifts for my kids plus one uncle type figure who doesn't have family to treat him. Its such a relief.

This isn't an option as my sibling only likes expensive restaurants, my dcs are young, one ND so would be unable to go, which causes further issues. My sibling can be awkward and fussy in the restaurants too. We don't really have a relationship where we would spend a day together, I'd rather spend money doing an activity with my dcs, than the expense of a spa.

OP posts:
BananaSpanner · 29/09/2024 12:32

Just tell her you don’t want to buy gifts this year. However make it clear that she shouldn’t buy for your DC either so then there is no obligation to spend money on her in return. She can always get them a selection box or a book if she really wants.

Original poster
ChristmaschaosAgain · 29/09/2024 12:31

My sibling is usually buys a last minute gift giver that will buy expensive gifts that they love, and not the taste of the recipient. I am the one trawling the shops, to buy a "thoughtful" gift that looks more expensive than it is.

I feel like such a scrooge, but I just don't want to do it; it rightly or wrongly stresses me out.

OP posts:
stargazer02 · 29/09/2024 12:28

Would you consider a compromise? Might be tricky given their expensive taste but could you suggest you go out for a meal or a spa day (each paying for their own treatments) instead of exchanging gifts? Spend some quality time together, maybe extending to other family members?

I only do gifts for my kids plus one uncle type figure who doesn't have family to treat him. Its such a relief.

ZiggyZowie · 29/09/2024 12:25

You just do it. You tell everybody.

I stopped sending cards and stopped presents for the kids when in their teens.

Don't send presents to cousin s,nephews,nieces,.
This was because they used to stand beside me at computer and point to things they wanted on Amazon etc. so we talked about it and scaled it right down.
I stopped making Xmas food that nobody liked , e.g Xmas pud,mince pies and just got stuff they actually like , i.e.chicken,stuffing, chocolate pudding
Still do a tree and candles and a cosy fire , but a lot less stress all round.
Oh and we started going to church on Christmas eve and got into the meaning of that.

AmeliaEarache · 29/09/2024 12:21

Tell her, but tell her NOW, not in another few weeks when she may have already bought gifts.

My DBro feels as you do so at his request we don't swap gifts anymore. I rather miss it as I liked choosing something for him, but he hates the whole gift shopping palaver and the point of a gift is not to add to someone's stress levels.