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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not be there when my dog is put to sleep?

115 replies

salair · 29/09/2024 08:42

My parents dog is going to be put to sleep soon. We got her when I was 16 and living at home.

Now she is aged 9, she has an incurable illness and so will need to be PTS.

So she was not quite a childhood pet, but was there during my college years and then every university holiday period. I also had another year with living with her during covid. I very much think of her as “my dog” rather than “my parents dog”. I really think I am one of her favourites too… 😓

I now live about a 4 hour drive away from my parents. Would I be unreasonable not to go and be there when the vet administers the dose?

OP posts:
Sparklesandbeer · 29/09/2024 09:02

bozzabollix · 29/09/2024 08:44

Are your parents going to be there?

I think it’s important for someone to be there. I couldn’t be there for our dog last time as my 9yo was in bits and I had to deal with her, but my husband was there with her.

This is the most important question here

Greentreesandbushes · 29/09/2024 09:01

I would go see her, maybe not the vets if your parents are going, you might regret it otherwise

Indianajet · 29/09/2024 08:59

I think it is important for someone they love and trust to be there - will one of your parents stay ?
I also found it helped me to be there as they slipped away, knowing they weren't frightened or lonely.

Konstantine8364 · 29/09/2024 08:57

I'm sorry about your dog xx If your parents are going to be with her at the vets in the room then I don't think you have to go if you cant, but absolutely someone should be in the room with her. In my opinion it's cowardly not to make their last moments as easy as possible with someone they love holding them.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 29/09/2024 08:55

Why don't you want to go?

I do think it's the final act of kindness we can do for our animals - I've been there at the end and they really do look for their humans.

TheNoodlesIncident · 29/09/2024 08:54

I don't think you have to be there too, no. You're a long way away and your parents will be there. Your parents see the dog and have care of the dog daily, so they are the important people to be there with her and offer comfort and reassurance.

The dog might enjoy your company above all others but she won't know these are her final moments and wish you were there, so to speak. I'm really sorry though, losing them is very hard Flowers

Hoppinggreen · 29/09/2024 08:49

I came on here to say that you should be there BUT it sounds like its more your parents dog so as long as one of them is there then its ok for you not to be.

CabbagesAndCeilingWax · 29/09/2024 08:48

Sorry to hear this. If she were going in for minor surgery (teeth out etc) would you feel the need to be there? As far as the dog is concerned, the two things are exactly the same.

I think these things are always harder on the human- if it's going to haunt you, then you should go, but as long as the dog has a trusted human with her, she'll be fine.

Tornone · 29/09/2024 08:48

I don't think YABU not to go in, but I would drive to my parents to say goodbye to her.

Swimmingatdusk · 29/09/2024 08:47

if you’re grieving her, which I imagine you might be, do what helps you best. If you think your parents really need your support then consider going if you can spare the time/travel cost and would be able to be an emotional support. If you don’t go, you could do something else to mark her passing in some way at some time.

cryinglaughing · 29/09/2024 08:46

If you don't feel you can be there, don't go.

I have been with all my animals when they have departed this world, apart from one of my horses and I was advised not to be there.
My dh can't bring himself to go but I am not embarrassed by sobbing my little heart out whilst in the waiting room. I feel I owe it to my beloved animals to be with them but absolutely understand that it is too much for some people.

Sympathies @salair, sad times 😢

bozzabollix · 29/09/2024 08:44

Are your parents going to be there?

I think it’s important for someone to be there. I couldn’t be there for our dog last time as my 9yo was in bits and I had to deal with her, but my husband was there with her.

Catza · 29/09/2024 08:44

What's your concern? That your parents will be upset id you don't go? That you will be upset if you don't go? That the dog will mind?
The answer very much depends on that

merryandbrightdelight · 29/09/2024 08:44

Sorry to hear this op, losing a pet is so hard ❤️ no one can tell you what is best here, because it will always be down to how you are feeling. Either way, my thoughts are with you Flowers

dudsville · 29/09/2024 08:44

This is a personal decision. What are your thoughts about it?