To not be there when my dog is put to sleep?

Why would someone be hysterical and not cope, that’s your assumption.
Whatever the original poster decides to do, her parent(s) will be there.It’s more a case of coming to terms with the loss afterwards.

You completely miss the point. Your pet reacted to a voice and looked for that. Had your child not arrived, they would not have looked for them.

I will keep on repeating, it is a personal choice and no one is either right or wrong in their decision whether to be there or not. And no one deserves judgement for their decision.

Your parents will be there though won't they? They always look for us when it's happening. I wouldn't stress about being there if someone else is.

Op you will regret not going but won't regret going.

I've been with all of my animals even childhood ones when they passed and I wouldn't have it any other way when it's possible.

The love they show is is immense and seeing them out is an honour

I don't think it's selfish, some people would not cope. I've done it with each dog but was quite relieved that the RVC wouldn't let me be present when my first horse was pts. It's an awful experience and for the animal, no worse than a GA, none of which I was present for if they needed surgery. Bit horrible to say how awful people are if they'd be hysterical or unable to cope.

Be there - the dog might be scared and looking for reassurance - you can be that for them. It is the last thing you can do for them

Am so sorry OP . It is such a hard act of kindness that we have to do more often than not.
If you can’t bear to be at the vet maybe just spend a day at home with the doggie.
My adult son couldn’t face coming with me which I fully understood . He spent the day with her and wrapped her in his dressing gown …her favourite comfort,and brought her too my car . My other son did come with me and drove the car .
It’s so hard loving our pets so much 😣

It's absolutely not bullshit.

We lost our little cat last year - she deteriorated in the night and when we went down, she was just laying there, barely alive. But when she heard us, her ears pricked up and her eyes opened. She died less than 10 minutes later. I firmly believe she was holding on for us.

They may not know they're being put to sleep, but they absolutely do know when they're unwell and dying. It's been well documented.

4 hour drive is nothing here. I would usually say it's fine as long as there is someone they love and trust there however reading your posts i feel like you'll regret not going.

I had to do it for my old girl last year, glad i could be there for her as she had for me all those years.

Agree
Some of the people, who are commenting on here, haven’t got a clue.I’m doubtful some have actually ever cared, looked after an animal.
The whole point of caring for a pet, is that you’re with them from the beginning to the end.
As you know, when an animal is put to sleep, it’s humane and a peaceful release.It shouldn’t be about the owner, it should be about the animal.

OP, you really should be there.
When I read your first post I was on the fence, but after reading a followup post where you said you didn't want to be there because you'd be too emotional...this is for your dog, not you.
One of my cats had to be pts during covid and I was absolutely devastated that I couldn't be there at the very end, although the compromise was that I could hold her close in my arms in the car for the first injection...sedative. It still haunts me that I wasn't there right at the end.
The second cat I had to have pts I was there throughout, and, although it wasn't as straightforward and peaceful as it should have been.....the vet really struggled to find a vein for the final injection and had to go through her kidney instead...it was so important to be there.
PTS isn't always straightforward and peaceful, pets don't always just drift off to sleep, which is all the more reason why it's so important to be there for their final moments.

As long as someone ie one of your parents is with her then no you don't have to be there. But she deserves better than to be left with just the vet and vet nurse.

Animals do not look around for their owners. Anthropomorphic bullshit to make people who are losing their pets feel guilty as well as grieving their loss. Stop perpetuating that myth

Couldn't be more wrong. One of my (adult) kids had a pet that unexpectedly needed to be pts. I raced in to the vet thinking at least there would be someone familiar in case they couldn’t get there in time. The poor thing was absolutely on deaths door (at a vets, an issue the vet said could be managed expecting discharge the following day). Was lying on me, couldn’t open their eyes, so sick. They heard the voice coming down the corridor, opened their eyes, pricked up the ears and by god, they looked happy and like a different animal. Handed them over, and they looked at them, gave a few licks, nuzzled in, then went back to being half dead, and were put to sleep in the loving arms they wanted so much. It’s important. Of course my (adult) child was absolutely distraught but that’s part of pet ownership. If they had of said they couldn’t do it I would have been pretty disgusted.

I voted NotBU if you choose not to go. Grieving of any sort is completely subjective and NO ONE should ever make you feel guilty for your personal choice in the matter. The dog knew your love, this doesn't affect or change that. ❤️

I've never been there when any of my pets were PTS. I know it sounds awful but I couldn't cope and don't want that to be my final memory of them. My DH has been there for a couple of our cats but he isn't a fan of them it just made me feel better that someone was there. I feel it's more important that their last mins are peaceful rather than the stress of me being distraught around them so I stay at home. I still don't cope well but being there would make me feel worse so I don't. I don't do funerals either for the same reason. You need to do whatever saves your sanity.

I do think it's the final act of kindness we can do for our animals - I've been there at the end and they really do look for their humans

Exactly this.

Seems like a 4hr drive is a a very small thing for what the dog has given you.

As another former vet, I have had owners not want to be present. And I never judged them for it. It is a deeply personal decision, and no one deserves your opprobrium for not wanting to be there.

As a former vet, (20+ years) I can say that I never once had an owner not want to be there when their pets time came.

IF they hadn't, I would have judged them and felt really sorry for the animal.

I have never known anybody to dump their pet in its last moments. Absolutely horrendous and selfish

Pretty sure vets are quite used to owners being unable to stay while their animal is being pts. Harsh to say never get an animal that’s loved and cared for but you shouldn’t get one if you can’t be there for that awful last moment! I imagine lots of people aren’t able to stay in the room. They normally have a pre pts injection that dopes them up so they’re barely aware.

We had one of our dogs pts earlier this year. Honestly it was a privilege to hold him in his last moments and gave me much comfort. He was small so we brought him home and that really gave us the chance to say goodbye.

if you will be comfortable not making the journey, your parents will be with her, I think that would be fine.

I’m sorry but that’s horrendous. Please don’t get a pet. Imagine your pet’s last moments being in a strange place with a stranger, just to save your own feelings. So callous.

My niece just went through similar, although the dog was bought for her. She’s away at uni doing a very pressurised degree and didn’t come home for the dog being pts. As long as a familiar person is with the dog, I think it’s fine for you not to be there. I would say, tho, it’s the last good thing you do for your pet, so in future, you might need to consider what you’ll do. I’ve been there for every pet bar one when I was stuck abroad, including my horse. It was awful every time, but I felt I had to be there. Hugs for you, losing your dog is so hard.

IDK if this will help but in your pets last moments the most important thing is that everyone in the room is calm and quiet. If you know can't manage to do that, its better for them if you let the staff manage things. Its also not good to have too many people in there.
Also if you dog has ever had a general anaesthetic, from her point of view its the same. So she will be familiar with the process and its very unlikely she will be distressed.

It's a very personal decision. I would very much want to be there, I remember when I was young I never got to say goodbye and my lasting memory is of my lovely dog passed away on the table, his spirit had truly gone. Makes me sad thinking about now.

Ideally, I would have had the chance to say goodbye, and would have kept the moment they passed very brief.