Am I bu to feel that this is an inappropriate thing to say to a parent who's lost lost their child?

How about expressing condolences and offering to make some meals/ take on some chores, something to ease the load, especially as OP had a child and was pregnant?

You know, something reaching outward to OP Instead of mawkish sentiment referring back to themselves.

Oh my gosh some people are just so
thoughtless.
So so sorry for your loss. And that's sounds like nothing but there are no words to make you feel better. So sorry.

This sums it up: it IS hard to know what to say but some things ought to be obviously wrong- and hugging their own little ones tighter or “ maybe it’s for the best” surely falls in that category.

Its hard to know what to say because there are two conflicting emotions at play: devastation and desperately wanting them - somehow, impossibly - to feel ok as part of an instinct to comfort.

I went to a funeral of a family with several children and at frequent intervals they referenced it and said how lucky they were to have others. And of course that is a helpful thing in healing, a “ way back” to fighting on and to joy again, and of course they are still just as adoring of those children ; but after it had been said a few times, it started to sound a bit dismissive to me of the child who had died. So even grieving families struggle with what to say. We all struggle because it is just utter and abject pain. I’m so sorry for the losses of those on this thread.

Not those ones!

I've never read anything so insensitive

Surely a simple 'I'm so sorry'? Because you would be and you would mean it.

Jesus OP, I am so sorry. So sorry for your loss and so sorry people have said that to you.

I’m open mouthed that people can be so self indulgent and mindlessly callous.

I do worry about the state of some people's minds these days. Who on earth thinks that's appropriate to say!! What a holes. I'm so sorry for your loss xx

Oh gosh. Completely inappropriate. And sounds like a case of very much engaging mouth before (sounds like very limited) brain. I’d be tempted to call it out, gently if you want to keep the friendship, not so much if you don’t. Eg the “I’d have killed myself” = “Really? You’d have left your other children motherless as well as dealing with the loss of a much loved sibling. Would you really?”. And let them reflect on the actual impact of their words. A proper friend will apologise and think twice before doing it again…. (So very sorry for your loss.)

Of course the comments you cite are crass beyond words, OP. I think there are multiple reasons for this. Most PP are not wrong.

I too am so sorry for both you and Isaac. Life can be cruel.

https://www.refugeingrief.com/blog/help-a-friend-video

These people really are thick, immensely fucking stupid actually.

Cut them out.

Sorry for you loss OP

I think it depends on the age of the child, and how well you know them.

'I'm sorry' really is enough. But also tell them you love them.

The problem with cards and messages are that there are so many you really only remember the terrible ones.

The best thing you can do is keep checking in.

My son was a teenager when he died, and what I love most is people messaging me out of the blue to say they were thinking of him and tell me why.

That's harder to do when a very young child dies.

I'm so, so sorry OP for what you've been through.

I'm so sorry that people are such selfish inconsiderate arseholes too.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Those comments are honestly disgusting. What is wrong with some people!

You are so right @EnfysHeulenEira We don't know what to say - even "I'm sorry for your loss" isn't the best response.

The Good Grief Trust may be helpful.

Utterly appalling. It can be difficult to know what to say to someone in horrific devastation but these comments are at best inappropriate selfish and hurtful. At worst they are deeply rude, insensitive and down right shitty. I find the disgusting people who run to their face book to post these comments and what they would do in your circumstances absolutely abhorrent. They make it about themselves and you can feel your own grief and families agony is almost tarnished. It isn’t. Don’t let them in to your circle to feed on your families grief.

I would like to add my condolences for you and your family.

I am so sorry for your loss xxx

Some people really are shocking, they should think before they speak!

Surely it’s not difficult to write a short message of sympathy and care, focused on the person who has passed? How lovely/bright/lively/kind they were, and how the grieving family is in your thoughts?

No mention of how you might respond to such a loss is ever appropriate, nor is advice to those grieving on how to do so.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Did you get any messages that felt supportive, or more soothing than these awful ones? Could you please share them with us if you feel it’s appropriate?

Replacing Isaac? Oh my god, that’d win an award for insensitivity and stupidity. Course you don’t replace a child, to think you do is quite unbelievable.

I lost our first child later on in pregnancy and was urged by one stupid friend to think of our ordeal as a ‘practice labour’ for when we did actually have what she’d term a proper child. Needless to say she was binned. Really upsetting at such an awful time.

Some people sadly show their true colours at tragic times and it feels like a proper kicking. I am so sorry for your loss. You must be heartbroken.

I agree with @Apollo365

You can do whatever you like. Tell them how hurtful their comment was. They'll probably create a fuss but sometimes it can be good to have something to fight against.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your precious son Isaac.

And yes, those comments are unbelievably awful and crass. What on earth is wrong with some people? I hope you received many more thoughtful comments and actual support from the loving and caring people in your life.

WTF!

I'm so sorry OP. Losing a child is not how the order of life flows 😢 sending a hug.

You know a few odd people with messages like that. 🤬😱🤬😱 It's hard to comprehend wtf they were thinking! Pls don't dwell on them. The majority of us wouldn't know what to say except be there for you all. 🥰

Utterly disgusting thing to say, cut the person from your life and tell them why.

So so sorry for your loss OP. Sending love to you, your family and Isaac ❤️

Ouch! What shitty and foolish hurtful comments. I am so sorry for your loss.

I think the mistake is trying to think of something original to say.

'I'm sorry' is a complete sentence.