Am I bu to feel that this is an inappropriate thing to say to a parent who's lost lost their child?

I am so sorry for your loss, OP.
Time and time again I see people telling bereaved parents that they will hug their own kids tighter and I find it unspeakably cruel and insensitive. YA definitely NBU.

Hideous things to say. How awful.

So sorry for your terrible loss, OP.
Is there a friend or family member who could filter these cards and messages for you, ie pass on the OK ones for you to read, and destroy the rest ? You shouldn't have to deal with them at this time in your life. But perhaps they have stopped now and you're just left with the shock of them. Sending love and good thoughts to you and your family.

So sorry, OP.

Sending love and strength.

It's good that you have posted this- if it helps even one person think twice before coming out with such twattery.

So sorry for your loss. Some people are absolutely awful.

Someone wrote in a card that was attacked to flowers we got '
sleep well Isaac, will give my baby a big hug tonight'

This last one I think is a clumsy attempt to say that the writer has realised the importance of not taking anything for granted, rather than, say, gloating that they still have THEIR kid. It's not great and I see why it would be hurtful but it's very difficult to know the right thing to say in such circumstances, and people (decent people) do want to say SOMETHING to acknowledge the awfulness of the event beyond the words "I'm sorry" - because it seems so inadequate. But perhaps that is the only right thing to say and people should stop there?

The first two seem like a variation on the above theme in some ways but way worse. I don't know why anyone would think it's remotely helpful or comforting to tell a bereaved parent that they'd have killed themselves in the same set of circumstances. My mum had some crass comments from people when my sibling died as a child, including the perennial "are you going to have another one now?" from quite a few people just after the funeral.

Sorry for your loss of your beautiful child ❤️

They do seem very inappropriate and inconsiderate things to say.

I think some people might think they mean well or don't know what to say or don't know how to be of any aupport.

Shocking to use the word replace though , I think you are well rid of that 'friend'

I’m so sorry for your loss. These people sound like they’re missing some empathy. I’d cut them out of your life. 💐

So sorry you have had to endure such awful comments on top of everything you have been through, OP. It’s inexcusable and I hope these people have been cut off / someone has told them how inappropriate it is if they are a connection you can’t cut off!
Sending love and best wishes for your third delivery. Xx

It's the kind of thing people may say to themselves/ family when there's been a tragedy in the news eg baby p, but should never be said to the grieving parents - terrible.

Also I'm sorry for your loss OP. Things like this being said to someone who's lost a child makes me angry for you :(

Dymunwn iechyd a heddwch i chi a'r teulu ar ol y colled yma. 💜

I am so sorry you have lost your little boy.

My SIL lost her 3 year old. At the time she also had an 18 month old and was also pregnant. I remember her telling me just how dreadfully upsetting some people's comments were, people would tell her to forget about her little boy and concentrate on the ones who were still here, who actually allows comments like that to leave their mouths?
"So sorry for your loss" is all they need to say if they have nothing more comforting to give.

Love and light to you all ❤

Is those a joke?? Like are they thick or what???

Those things are insensitive to the point of cruelty.

Some women stop overtly bullying in their mid teens, but carry on into their adulthood by being horribly passively aggressive and saying things like this. It's the dagger in the side approach, but if called out, they will claim that of course they didn't mean it like that darling!

I don't think I'd still be here if I was you, I'd have killed myself - totally unacceptable. There is empathising, but I don't think this is what this was.

I'm so glad you were able to move on and replace Isaac - again, a dick things to say and TOTALLY unacceptable.

I'm a childless woman, and even childless people should know not to say things like that. The fact that mothers have said them shows, that unfortunately, motherhood does not develop some women's characters.

I'm so very sorry about the loss of Isaac, and so sorry too that you have encountered such crass and insensitive comments from some of those around you.

I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this pain. My best friend also knows that feeling & some of the things people say 💔

please check brighteststar.org they are a charity with many parents who have lost their children & can offer support as they know exactly how you are feeling

sending lots of love & strength to you all ❤️

I'm sorry for your loss OP.
I guess people don't know what to say and they end up saying something really stupid and insensitive.
When my friend lost her dd - people wouldn't speak to her - they crossed the road - looked the other way - anything to avoid having that conversation - made her feel even more lonely and abandoned.

I'm so very sorry for your loss OP.

Having lost a child shortly after birth I have heard it all too. People are twats quite bluntly. With time I can see that it was just thoughtlessness rather than malice, but still people should stop and think and not make it about them!

@EnfysHeulenEira
I'm so sorry for your loss 💐

I’m so very sorry for your loss. I hope you have plenty of supportive friends and family around in real life to help you cope.

Unfortunately, there isn’t a manual on how to support a friend grieving for the loss of a child and some people will say the oddest and most inappropriate things because they have no useful experience to guide them.

Posters mention that some people lack empathy and maybe they do, but I wouldn’t automatically assume they don’t care.

Years ago when my friend lost a baby I sent her a gift by post as I lived overseas by then and couldn’t visit in person and her husband returned it to the store and sent me an angry message. I understand that he felt it was inappropriate and I’d obviously made a mistake but I didn't intend to cause either of them any additional distress. My lack of experience and having no parents to guide me meant I got it wrong. But I definitely did care a lot.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

It sounds like this person could be making your loss all about them and their feelings, and they seem to be turning it into a competition about who has stronger emotions. See if that fits with other interaction you have had.

I'm so very sorry for your loss, OP.

The same was said to me when my twin sons died last year. Stillborn and my second had his life support removed at 4 days old. It cuts deep that comment. I'm sorry for your loss

That's an awful thing to say. Of course any one would give their child a hug, but they absolutely shouldn't say it to you. We know a girl who lost her child and I didn't know what to say as there is obviously nothing that is going to help. When I saw her I said 'I don't know what to say to you but I just want to give you a hug' and she immediately hugged me. No word can make it better but there are plenty which do the opposite.
I am very sorry for your loss

I’m sorry for your loss OP.
I think for most, the loss of a child is just the worst thing imaginable. People say stupid things all the time, best thing is to ignore them as you’ll drive yourself mad at their tactlessness and stupidity!

In my experience grieving people are met with - appropriate condolences 50%, or totally ignored - crossing in the street or no mention at all, 25%. Or the idiotic comment crew 25%.
When my mother died unexpectedly one of her friends first words were “whats going to happen to Valuable Thing she owns” didn’t even say she was sorry or any type of condolences. We just looked at her open mouthed!

It’s basically saying glad this horrific thing happened to you and not to me. Wtaf. So sorry op.