Am I bu to feel that this is an inappropriate thing to say to a parent who's lost lost their child?

So sorry for your loss

i am astounded that anyone could be so insensitive. I’m so sorry for your loss.

Jesus, that's horrendous OP! I'm so sorry your son died.

I am stunned there are that many people who think it's acceptable to spout such offensive crap.

That is awful. I think it's just that people don't know what to say. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss OP.

Trying to give benefit of the doubt - some people overthink and are so anxious of saying the wrong thing and upsetting people, that they do go and say completely the wrong thing and then spend ages berating themselves internally over it. This may be what those who've said about "them being unable to carry on" might have done - it's a clumsy attempt at admiring your strength and resilience (as you say - you have no choice you have other kids who need you!).
But for so many to come up with giving their own (healthy, living) DC an extra hug is ... shite. And as for anyone commenting on "replacing" your son. No words.

I'm really sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy OP.

People are thoughtless and while I think an element of is that they don't know how to deal with this sort of situation I don't think that makes it any easier.

My daughter died before she was born and I had some really thoughtless things said to me but then also lost some friends who said nothing which is worse.

With the comments about "replacing" your son I think I'd have had to reply something like Thank you for thinking of us but I will never replace my son.

@Bubblesgun

I don't want to derail the thread but there aren't seven stages of grief, it's bollocks. And even if there are, you certainly don't 'move through them'

It's another thing people say because they think it's kind and reassuring, but it's not.

Twats the lot of them

I'm sorry for your loss.

Im certainly not in the same boat as you but my dc was born pretty much dying, Horrendous pregnancy with complications, premature birth and 3 years under kids hospital with appointments.

I had dumb f*cks saying to me "try and think of this extra time you get with your baby that other parents dont get, that i was lucky" - as in because it was a prem birth, i had extra time?! like yeah dragging myself to NICU after nearly dying myself and been in mental turmoil for past 5 months, to watch my baby struggle and Dr's telling me its all hour by hour - is just such a great time?

I had another moron who asked me "is that you home now, is DC just perfect" - eh yeah were home, with 4 hourly medicines and a breathing alarm fitted to cot...

Another moron who was annoyed we couldnt bring DC to have a takeaway at their house and leave them sleeping in car seat (as only to sleep in cot with alarm) - they got angry at us insisting that "the hospital wouldnt have let dc home if it was that bad". I mean what could we say to that...

Another moron angry at my DH as we had to specifiy times for visit due to 4 hourly meds and DC being so weak and sleepy between meds. So we'd say come at X time, just after meds as DC awake for a short while before so that'd be best. Again we were very unreasonable apparently and DH got shouted at that trying to see DC was worse than trying to get a dentist appointment?! No compassion for me, DH or DC when we were in the trenches, just beating us while we were down because we were inconveniencing them.

So I cant imagine your pain and I don't know why people say such stupid insensitive things. My theory is they've never experienced similar pain themselves and therefore have zero comprehension.

Look after yourself as best you can x

I am so so sorry for your loss, I can not even begin to imagine how you must be feeling. This is worst that can happen to a parent.
I hope that in time, you will be able to forgive the universe. There are 7 stages of grief, get yourself some support so you are not alone going through them.
take care of yourself

I am so sorry for your loss, and that you've had these horrible comments.

everyone saying its cclumsy a mistake
what about the written word? they ha time t think and thats what thhey ome up with?

How about some actual empathy🤷🏼‍♀️
if you’re struggling with concept someone has posted a link to a great little video you can use to learn how to do empathy and be supportive.
🤦‍♀️

OP I am so sorry for the loss of your precious child Isaac.
Those comments are terribly insensitive, I cannot imagine how much they must have hurt you. Its astounding how people have found a way to make the passing of Isaac about them and their children, regardless of their intentions. Lacking self awareness and basic understanding of grief.
I don’t and can’t pretend to comprehend how you’re feeling at the moment, having lost Isaac and having a toddler and soon to welcome a baby. I wish you and your family comfort and healing xxx

In defense of the clumsy people ….

they just don’t know what to say.

the most thoughtful comments come from people who have experienced similar. Those who have not, just do not know what to say.

Maybe they should teach @ school - the right things to say in awful/awkward/emotional/difficult situations

or put teaching this onto parents …

Don’t think they are being awful on purpose.

Sweet Lord Jesus 😶.
I'm sorry for your loss, OP 💐💐.

Those comments are horrifying and I'm sorry you've been subjected to them. Dreadful, insensitive people.

Would you like to talk about Isaac? My condolences

I am so sorry for your loss.

Yanbu being unreasonable in the slightest. I see people comment things like that on social media alarmingly often and always think it is crashingly insensitive every time.

They are the kind of people who learned emotional responses from Eastenders and entirely lack emotional depth and intelligence.

You are absolutely right to be pissed off at these comments and tbh I think you should respond at the time to point out how insensitive and cruel they are. I’m sure people are trying to say what they think is the right thing, so nip it in the bud and tell them straight away those comments are not helpful but actually hurtful. I remember the worst thing people would say to me was ‘you can have another baby’ and I would tell them I didn’t want another f*king baby thank you, I want my baby who has just died. I preferred the very few people who just said along the lines of ‘I don’t know what to say other than how f*king awful this must be for you’.

That’s horrific. I’m so so sorry. That must be upsetting at the most dreadful time of your life.It shows utter thoughtlessness and not comforting words to say.

I’m so sorry op. Those people are dicks, plain and simple.

i hope everything goes well for the arrival of your new little one and you can surround yourself with people who only bring you support and care.

My deepest condolences.

When a bad friend shows themselves, the short term pain is so bad.

Hopefully you have lovely people around you and your baby will always know about his big brother.

You get a replacement for a broken toaster ,Not a child that's died.what a stupid comment.
Sorry for your loss op Issac will always be in your heart
My Dw lost both her boys,aged 3 and 27
So I've saw the effects of a mum losing children,it can be tough at certain times of the year.
Hopefully you have family and friends you trust with whom you can turn too

Someone in my family lost a young child and some of the stuff people have said to her is honestly unimaginable. Like, I didn't realize people were this dumb. It seems to come from not knowing what to say and also being quite self centered. Sorry for your loss OP.

Yes very inappropriate and thoughtless. So sorry for you loss