I have a dilemma and I don’t know what to do.
I was abused by my family of origin throughout my childhood and am NC, I have been for many years. I live in the same town as them and they immediately did a smear campaign on me and made up lies about me to justify me going NC. My name is pretty much mud. My family are well connected and their campaign of revenge because I went NC is still ongoing (years of it). They target every area of my life and ruin anything I try to build for myself. They also stalk me. It’s like I can’t escape their abuse.
As a result I’m diagnosed with a severe anxiety disorder and PTSD. I’m on medication to try and control it, I’ve been under the mental health team, but it hasn’t helped me.
I have no life at all. I feel like a prisoner in my home, suffer panic attacks and I don’t leave my house without somebody with me because I’m scared of my family. I don’t function. I put on an act for my children and then I sleep when they are at school. I’m a broken shell.
When I’m away from this town I’m a different person. I can function because I’m not looking over my shoulder and I feel like a weight has lifted and I’m free. It’s not perfect, but I feel much better. It’s living in this town that is keeping me in this state. As a result I really want to move away. DH also agrees.
The trouble is my children are very settled in school with great friends in good schools. If we move that would change and the guilt I feel is immense. I’m also unsure if one of my children would cope with that as they are shy, and also one of my children has started high school and I know moves are trickier then.
If you were my children (or have any similar experience) which would you prefer long term .
YABU - you would rather a mother who struggles with her mental health, has less money because can’t work because of mental state, but you have the stability of your good friends and you are in a good school.
YANBU - you would rather a mother who can function normally because the mental health triggers have been removed, have more money because potentially she can work again, but your life has uprooted and you may end up struggling yourself to make friends and have to go to a new school.