I hate how I've let myself go

I was you in my 40s my 67kg weight that had been my standard gradually moved up to 75 then 80 until at 49 it was 97.. for all the same reasons as you ..

I did weight watchers , the Cambridge diet , ran the marathon (go me) .. but NOTHING got me below 85kg and I hated it .. until Mountjaro.. I am now 74kg with 7kg to go. I am no longer on the 'see food' diet .. (see food and put it in your mouth)

I will need to be on a maintenance dose of this for the rest of my life but far far better than being on blood pressure medication, heart medication and pre diabetes medication whilst running the risk of stroke and heart attack...

Best of all .. I feel like me again at 60 !

This. Working mothers are carrying so much- expected to work like we don’t have kids, and parent like we don’t work- and usually carrying the majority of, if not all, the mental load. And increasingly other caring responsibilities too. It’s no surprise we’re all on our fucking knees. It’s grotesque.

Yep. I guess that's why so many women find if so difficult to lose and maintain weight loss. Myself included!

Not to sound negative but calorie counting, getting 7-9 hours sleep a night and 10000 steps are not "small changes" when you have young children and a job! They require planning and time every single day. It genuinely can be impossible when they are that age.

Slimming world. And lots of walking.
A friend lost 10stone in a year doing that.

Can I join?

1/2 stone overweight from my 'happy weight'. I eat very healthy main meals, it's the snacking that's terrible. And weekends! Chocolate/wine/pizza.

Also late 30s with two primary children. My job is active so I get in at least 10k steps per day so at least that's something.

I keep saying "this will be the week"... so far it hasn't been. I wanted to lose the 7lbs by Halloween.. it's still doable if I pull my finger out.

Some great advice here OP just wanted to give my two penn'orth

Michael Mosely podcast "One Small Thing" is good for introducing small changes.

I always start from the top down. So first thing I address is hair, then eyebrows, eyelashes etc etc, small steps. On top of this though, I add in eating a little bit less and walking a bit more.

Yep.

Single mum of an 8 year old and work a hectic creative job with little down time. At my slimmest was 9 and a half stone and a size 8 pre baby (though that was also a couple of years when I was orthorexic / borderline ED), more usually a size 12-14. Now in my late 30s am a size 16, 12 and a half stone, thinning hair, facial hair, wrinkles, bloated, dry eyes and rosacea and can’t seem to get on top of any of it.

I don’t know the answer. I can diet but it’s risky as I “like” losing weight a bit too much and I tend to spiral into severe calorie restriction quickly. Don’t have time to gym. Don’t have the headspace or time or money to throw at the issues…I’m a wreck and it’s so sad, because feel like I’m far too young to look and feel like this.

I don’t know what to say except I hear you, I’m with you, and I hate it for us.

Do you genuinely enjoy scrolling through reels or is it something to do cos you lack the motivation to do something else?

What time do your DC go to bed? Can you try and pull that back by half an hour so that you have just a little bit more time to yourself? What do you do while they are in clubs, could you go for a walk?

You don't have to do things at night. Make changes during the day.

I was a single parent for many years, and I have been in that very rut. I took up swimming, which I enjoyed for many years but it wore thin, now I cant be arsed with swimming and have instead moved on to yoga / pilates, would that be an option?

I would say don't worry about exercise right now - except maybe try to generally build more steps in to your day if you can (taking the stairs instead of the lift etc.). But making changes to your diet is going to be far more effective in losing weight, and giving you more energy. Try substituting meals and snacks for better quality food, that way you're not depriving yourself - just making a switch.

In time, you could look at exercising but don't put pressure on yourself to do too much too soon. Also, it's not a guaranteed way to lose weight - I workout several times a week, and never really lost much, although I have built muscle, lost an inch or two and feel stronger. Also, when I first started I was ravenous after workouts, so you may end up eating more.

I know it’s well intentioned but personally I wouldn’t listen to the advice to cut things out of your diet or count calories. There’s is so much evidence now that restricting just leads to binging and shame etc.

i would focus on “adding in” for now. Where can you add in more nutritious foods. Try and fuel your body well. That’s the priority before you start restricting yourself. When you’re always over stretched and exhausted it’s just so easy for that to spill over into more issues.

Focus on some gentle movement, that feels good. Focus on rest, getting a good nights sleep, keeping hydrated. Small acts of self care and things that bring you joy. Add in, with self compassion. You need to shift away from beating yourself up and blaming yourself

Same. 2 kids aged 3 and 6. Work full time. I am overweight, I have high blood pressure. Feel like a complete disaster. I’d been doing the same as you, chocolate and a cuppa at night as busy stressful days and this was my enjoyment at end of day.
I was almost hospitalised my blood pressure was so high and been shocked into how much I need to look after myself.
I have lost a stone in under 4 weeks and feeling better already, it’s tough but I’ll keep going.
good luck x

For me, seeing photographs of myself (and security camera footage) was the thing that made me take action. I was repulsed and mortified. Having been slim my whole life, I weighed far more than when I was 9 months pregnant.

I have taken the Mounjaro route, which I know can be too expensive for some, but it’s been amazing for me.

One thing that’s easy to do is cut out the home boozing. So many needless calories and it’s so easy to have a glass of wine propped up with nuts, or crisps, or in your case, chocolate.

Yes small daily changes.

Tomorrow is two litres of water day op! Come back tomorrow night and tell us you’ve done it. We’ll think of a Tuesday challenge … !

Are you me OP? I could have written your post word for word. My child is two, I’m over a stone overweight, I know I should exercise but I’m too tired and exhausted by working life and looking after a demanding toddler to do it.

Im going to start by reducing carbs and cut back on snacks from tomorrow. I’m a grazer. I need a hair cut too :(
Time to get us back, even if it’s for half an hour. Solidarity

I remember being in ‘the trenches’ with young kid and feeling like this.
One easier to achieve, superficial, thing that helps is trying to elevate your clothing a bit. Wear a belt, put earrings on, whack on a statement necklace, scarf. Might not even by your ‘style’ particularly but these things give ‘groomed’ and make you feel a bit better without having to actually do much. They also don’t need trying on before purchase (so can order online) and tend to always fit.

And, I know it feels like it at the moment , but this isn’t ’It’ for you, you will eventually emerge and have time to yourself, and take an interest in personal style again. My youngest child is 8 and after feeling exactly like you do, I now have lost some weight, recently started with a personal trainer and enjoy putting an outfit together.

You really can’t find 20/30 min to do some exercise? You have time to drink so you have time to do positive things.

Start with some micro, micro changes OP. 2 minutes of squats or plank tomorrow, buy yourself something nice on vinted for a tenner and paint your nails.

Lo/no booze is a game changer too. Still get your sense of a treat and honestly the placebo is so powerful i tend to feel a bit pissed! M&S lo alc cocktails are great, rewarding and don't destroy your sleep.

I hear you @rustyspoon45

I'm 40, my DC are a little bit older - one is primary school age and one is secondary school age. I work full time and between that and running them around to clubs/training/matches in the evenings and at weekends, I have very little time to myself.

I'm the biggest I've ever been (13st 4lbs ish), have absolutely no motivation to do exercise and I eat when I'm stressed which is most of the time at work. I don't know where to start, I join weight loss groups on here and stick to it for a week, then have a bad day and it all goes to pieces. I'm exhausted all the time, go to bed far too late but staying up late is the only time I get any peace and quiet or time to myself. I never have any time to myself in the house on my own, DH and/or DC are always here.

I think I've put myself last for so many years that it's alien to them all when I say I want to do something for me and none of them seem to get it. Then I feel selfish (although DH does plenty for himself) and just drop whatever I want to do and I'm back to looking a mess and feeling a stressed.

I feel so sad that I've just let myself go, but also that I don't have any support to help me get back to me ☹️

You are being very hard on yourself! Life is exhausting when you have young kids and are working. Challenge yourself to do one thing a month and build up to other things. So October forfeit the wine, save the money and treat yourself to getting your hair or nails done. Ask a friend to join you for a walk for an hour at the weekend, or take the kids out for fresh air where you can walk.Swap the chocolate bar for a frozen curly wurly they are low calorie compared to most bars. Make a big pan of veg soup and take to work for lunch with fruit.
Little changes can all add up, also a big Vinted fan so no need to spend loads to get a new look.
Be kind to yourself you are doing great 😊

I feel exactly the same. I'm particularly struggling with my weight which is pushing a stone more than my pre-kid body and has gone all on my tummy. In my 20s I'd be able to shift half a stone in a week or two easily, no bother. Now it's ridiculously hard to shift a pound.

I also hate photos ☹️

@rustyspoon45 I'm in a similar ish position but a fair bit older and I've realised that no one else is going to do it.
Things I'm currently doing

• walking everywhere I can and accepting that I can find those extra few mins as I find time to doom scroll
• forcing myself to drink water
• accepting I'm going to hit a wall at 3pm and having something sweet but attempting portion control
• skincare; cleanser, serum and cream- I do it whilst my youngest brushes her teeth which is sadly nowhere near my bedtime but at least it's done
• at least once a week I go to bed at the same time as the kids (more like twice). I can face the house being a mess in the morning on more energy then stumbling around like a pissed badger at 10pm putting clothes away

• I love my wine. I'm not giving it up. I've actually upgraded to nice wine on a subscription so I drink slower and enjoy it more and i don't feel like crap the next day

Good luck, genuinely think you can do this