I hate how I've let myself go

Perhaps you and your husband can try to eat healthier together?
It will be a nice project.

@Calliopespa such a positive idea, the little tweaks.

I would suggest a weekly face mask, it can cost pennies - paste made by blitzed oats/water is very good - but will definitely relax you and help skin. Make time for your wellbeing, it has a huge knock on effect!

I am losing weight in my forties simply by no snacking…the exhaustion of the kids/work/life has played havoc with my energy levels and I was creating a viscious circle of tiredness/eat junk/more tiredness/more eat junk. My energy now is so much better!

@Calliopespa I do squats waiting for the kettle. It made an amazing difference after a week!

My small step is get your 5 a day and lots of protein in your meals. If you fancy a snack, have a piece of fruit and water first then the biscuit or whatever. You'll either not fancy the bad stuff or eat less of it.

I stopped buying crisps and chocolate for the house. Cut out sugar in drinks. Bought carrots and celery to snack on. No fizzy drinks. Lost 10 pounds. If it's not in the cupboard I can't eat it.

I will do this, thanks

Then tomorrow it is.

Two litres.

I think thereafter the next step might be 30 rise-fall heel lifts while waiting for the kettle to boil. They tone the calves really well ( and fast) and you can literally feel the burn. Up to another poster to supply small step 3 …

Shameless hijack of thread...

I'm up for starting this tomw. And up for something else to start in a few days.

Like you op, I have lost myself too. No time, energy or money to change. 3 children 10 and under. After a lifetime of being slim, now 3 stone overweight.

I'm hanging on to when they're a bit older, but then feel guilty for wishing the time away...

I was on the same diet and put it all back on and more when I stopped, it's not sustainable.

I think there is some truth in what I feel is the undercurrent of these last few posts, namely that cultural differences can be down to priorities.

It’s true that in some cultures women seem to place much emphasis on retaining their looks, but to counterbalance that, I was at a conference about 18 months ago and it was fascinating to see lists of achievements of women listed by culture: the literary achievements of Anglo Saxon - and particularly British - women were impressive. I’m actually quite proud that other preoccupations are high up the list. So you know, let’s just not knock each other cross- culturally @Marine30 .

OP solidarity here, I’m 36 with two primary school aged DC, starting my own business whilst also trying to keep an income coming in doing clinical shifts, chasing my own tail and perpetually harried.

I do not feel my best and definitely am using wine and food treats too much.

One thing that may be of use to you is getting your hair done at home? I also find it impossible to find time to go to the salon but messaged on my local FB group and street WhatsApp for home hairdressers. Mine is brilliant as as she is doing it as a side hustle whilst studying is more than happy to come in the evenings. It’s cheaper than my local salon and I can do it whilst my DC watch a film in the same room

I totally feel you, OP! It’s such a grind and I keep waiting for it to get less exhausting but it just isn’t. It’s almost like I half expect my old pre-kids life to magically come back to me once they get to a certain age!

I find the easiest way to squeeze in exercise is (like others say) walk everywhere and do 10 minute workouts on YouTube. Some days I don’t get time to do it until about 11pm! But I often find once I’ve done the 10 minutes I’m kind of pumped so I go on to another one and another and before I know it I’ve done 30 minutes but without that heavy dread I usually get before a workout! It doesn’t feel like it but moving will
make you feel better and it really doesn’t matter what time of day you do it.

Buy yourself some nice workout gear. It really motivates me! New bouncy trainers etc.

It is ridiculous how much raising kids sucks the life out of you! I find like others say pampering myself in minor ways gives me a boost, I fake tan every couple of weeks and use tanning drops and they just make me feel a bit more ‘fresh’ and less deathly looking 😂

Like you I often end my day with tea and biscuits, I don’t drink but I am totally addicted to sugar. No suggestions for that one I’m afraid 😬😄

Alternatively you can get to 35 and think, while it's important to eat well and excercise for health, my body shape doesn't have to be perfect it just needs to do its job so i can live the life i choose. That its ok to have my hair grow through natural. Make up is optional if it gives me pleasure, but not important in the scheme of things, and that if you want to use your precious free time on things that give you joy, music, books, friends, your family and not give two hoots what you're wearing as long as you're comfortable then that's fine too.

It's one thing for a woman to want to improve her appearance because she enjoys looking a certain way. It's quite another to suggest it's something women should be doing if she wants to be happy. I know loads of women who genuinely believe their physical appearance to be the least important thing about them, and I think they're all the happier for it.

I use to think like this then I became disabled got depression, hypothyroidism and have to take multiple medications a day that cause weight gain and lost all motivation. There's some days it's an achievement if I even get out of bed. So when you're judging women maybe understand not everyone is as privileged as you

Really feel for you. It's tough when kids are young and you feel like this. Willpower is overrated and never works. When we overeat, snack at night etc its because we are soothing an emotion of some kind (mine is normally anxiety, stress or being bored/unfulfilled). Have a quick look at Thinkingslimmer.com. all about positivity and mindset changed that impact on your behaviours and attitudes towards yourself. It works brilliantly for some people and really is minimal effort and cost, just needs consistency. I've invested in a coach too,to help with emotional eating etc which I've realised is due to past trauma, but thinking slimmer or slimpod has also helped and is v cheap. I wish you every luck whatever you do.

I’m probably going to get flamed but here goes:
I can never believe how English women let themselves go. Many get to 35/40 and it’s like they just stop making an effort. Then they feel shit, then they self-medicate with booze, bad food, both etc and it turns into a vicious circle.
I really advocate being selfish and single-minded here. Come on - you have to be resolute and carve out some time for you. You don’t say if you have a partner (or sorry if I have missed that bit).
If you do, time to say I’m off for a power walk/run/swim and DH look after kids. If not there are plenty of free videos online from HIIT to kettlebell that you can fit in at home.
A bit of make-up up is a must and some cheap Nivea moisturiser everyday (£2 - anyone can spend two pounds).
Water - 1.5 to 2 litres per day.
Clariol root touch up - £6-7, takes 10 minutes.
Dye your brows and lashes yourself at home - kits cost £6 or £7.
Deep condition hair once per week. Do face mask at same time. Cucumber on eyes - all can be bought very cheaply.
Clothes - get ideas from magazines then adapt to suit your shape. Loads of good, cheap stuff on eBay.
Charcoal toothpaste to whiten teeth.
On to posture - walk tall and smile. Honestly if you do half of the above you will feel so much better.
Never, ever give up on making an effort. You looked good once, you can again 😊.

I don't think you need to cut things out just be more mindful so have a chocolate bar but have a small one that's under 100 calories like a timeout, kit kat (2 finger) or a freddo have a glass of wine not 2 or 3. Do some jumping Jack's or run on the spot while the kettles boiling, do some running races or football with your kids. Use the bottom of the stairs to do step ups and add an extra 10 each day to see if you can beat your record

You said its not worth going to the gym once a week. I have a two year old and have do a gym class once a week and it's make such a difference.
It's not changed my fitness hugely on its own but it's given me energy, uped my mood, improved my sleep. The energy has made me do more walking and now I am thinking more about food/ drink/ ways to add more exercise in. So I would say start small with exercise once a week for a few months and see how it goes. It's so hard to find time with children so small steps are worth it.

I could have written this post myself. The one thing I do (which isn’t for everyone from preference/cost perspective I know) is botox. I’m still fat and terribly dressed but I absolutely hate the lines on my forehead and having them largely gone makes me feel so much better. I take my toddler with me as it only takes 5 mins and I can leave her in the pram with my phone. Great parenting 👍

Yes op size 16 really isn’t huge and your weight isn’t too much to tackle at present. It’s a tweak!!

Or would DH be up for family walks at the weekend? That’s two days with reasonable exercise built in and then the one gym session mid week suddenly takes you to three days a week which is getting really fairly respectable on the exercise front! Autumn is a nice time to start walks with all the leaves - and the bonus is the fresh air means the Dc might go down early at the weekends giving you more relaxing time in the evening to drink wine and eat chocolate!

Can you cut out alcohol altogether? Not forever, obviously but just while you get back to your usual self. That really will make such a difference, quickly. I do know it's very, very hard to resist a lovely, cold glass of something but it's full of empty, useless calories.
How do you feel about visualisation? If you don't think it's a load of bollocks, try visualising yourself in the not too distant future, wearing a beautiful outfit and looking slimmer. Try to picture this a few times a day (you don't have to spend long at it) and perhaps try to alter.your thinking too. Instead of 'I'll never do this...', think 'I am actively doing this...'. And you can do this, btw. Size 16 is hardly gargantuan after all, you don't have a mountain to climb, just a moderate hill.

And that was they key for me when I started. I didnt deny myself my unhealthy habits, I just added in some healthy ones. Never told myself I couldn't have that biscuit, but only after I'd had an apple. Takeaway, of course i can! But have a bowl of veg soup first. Now, unless your appetite is insatiable, you will probably find that after you've forced the good stuff in, you will want less of the bad stuff. Then you set goals, I'll have 8 fruit and veg today! Doesn't leave much room for snacks. This worked so well for me, and I was so proud as I thought I'd invented it. But no. Turns out its a thing called 'crowding' (out the bad with the good) you can Google it. Anyhow it works because the focus is on valuing your body enough to give it the best, not hating it so you need to punish it and deny yourself. Five years in my tastes have changed so much. I'm now a wholefood vegan and wouldn't thank you for the stuff I used to 'treat' myself with.

You sound exhausted and stressed OP. You said that you'd be able to fit in 1 gym session a week - how about changing that to 1 yoga session? Something relaxing , not some terrifying hot yoga with pretzel people leaping about. I used to go to an old fashioned hatha yoga class which was so gentle, some stretching and breathing exercises ending with 10 minutes of lying still with soft music. Everyone always agreed that we slept like logs afterwards, no medication or alcohol requited!

Well that will be step one.

It does make you feel better too.

If you aren’t ready for a new challenge on Tuesday you can always just repeat the water challenge! The trick is to keep moving in the right direction, and don’t stress about the size of the steps.