taking child away during school term

She’s ABSOLUTELY MAD! The joy of having kids in nursery is that you don’t have to stick to school holidays- you’ve got years ahead when you’ll be stuck in overpriced uk holidays because everything else is eye wateringly expensive during school holidays and you’ll be fined if you take the kids out of proper school.

We took every single one of our kids out of nursery for 2-3 weeks each year without fail.

More generally this sounds like a strange hill to die on for your ex- sounds like something else might be going on. Regardless of the emotional issues could you not grab a coffee together and try to build a few bridges- your DC is very young and you have a long road of co-parenting together.

Nursery is not "school" and does not have "school holidays". Many children don’t go to nursery at all and there is no requirement for them to do so. There is absolutely no reason for parents to feel they must send a child to nursery rather than take them away on holiday.

Do you think your routine is quite fair though? I wouldn't want to never have my 3 year old on the weekends.
Couldn't you switch days every other week so do every other weekend?

This wouldn't bother me because he is not compulsory school age yet.

I'm usually quite strict about not missing school for holidays but when your child is young enough make the most of it and have cheaper holidays is what i think!

Missing school at 3 - not an issue
Taking him on holiday - lovely
Asking for more days for holiday - at mums discretion

Tricky. You will be handing back a child who may be out of sorts from break in routine and the partner has to deal with it. But also, whatever you do now will set the tone for years to come. How would you feel once child is 6.7 or even 11 about time off during term time? You will have no grounds if they suddenly did this and you disagreed. Also, state pays for that time (if state nursery)so I think there’s also a respect mentality towards teaching staff to consider here.

I think the OP might be in Wales where they start school at 3 just in the mornings and it is a nursery year so still not compulsory but usually at a school setting in uniform etc and generally referred to as school.

She is being ridiculous, but I think you've shot yourself in the foot complaining about her taking him away, so she's just doing the same now. Didn't matter that it was his "birthday weekend", there's weekends either side of mid-week. And you had him on his birthday. I think you've been daft there causing that, and now she's retaliating.

He is 3. He doesn't legally have to be in school until he is 5. This is ridiculous.

If the holiday is something your DC wants to do I can’t understand why your ex doesn’t want him to go. That does seem unreasonable. Perhaps she’s jealous she’s not the one going with him. Maybe photos and FaceTime would help.

Nursery isn't school, it's essentially daycare. No one has to go to nursery...

The fact you call it school makes your post so annoyingly confusing.

He's 3, it's either nursery or pre school.

Not compulsory education age so I'd either take steps to start mediation if she isn't on board or apply for a child arrangements order where holiday contact is clearly outlined for each parent.

The term time holiday at 3 is fine.

But I do think mediation and a more formal contact routine might be needed here, one based on your sons needs that is also fair to both if you around sharing weekends/school holiday time and school time.

As an aside my parents battling over my birthday and Christmas has totally ruined both events for me and I hate both days. It became all about them competing and nothing about me. So don't fall into that.

He’s 3 !

I was fully prepared to say that YABU if your DS is in official legal schooling.

But he’s 3.

And your ex needs to prepare to start working for money outside the home if she’s using the free hours of nursery.

This is not school. It’s nursery. No child needs to attend nursery. It’s optional.

This allegedly being amicable isn't going to work- you both think k you can do whatever you want, as per your post. She took him over 'your' time (which BTW- every weekend is shit for the other parent and should never be a thing- way to be able to be the fun parent constantly) so you reckon you'll juts do the same. It's ridiculous referring to this or treating 3 hrs of nursery as school, and she's being unreasonable to try to claim it interrupts education, that sounds like it's juts spiteful. A three yr old also though doesn't really have hobbies- they are three. Would he appreciate whatever this trip is more next year when he could actually remember it? Ultimately- you both need to look into at start mediation- it doesn't sound like you are able to compromise the coparenting and having it more formalised will keep it low stress.

I think you're on the wrong thread lol

how nasty some
of these replies are op. your son and daughter in
law sound extremely mean. why on earth would the mother take children BACK to a place that she fled and is still very dangerous.

I hope you get to see your grandchildren soon but i'm guessing it would be hard to appease the horrible parents, and i suspect that whatever you do would
not be good enough.

So the answer to the narrow question you asked is that a 3 year old missing 2 days of nursery is fine.

However…

Right now you have a schedule where you get all the weekends and she gets only school nights & days. This isn’t actually a fair schedule. When she wanted to have him for one weekend (very reasonable - do you think she should never be able to have him for weekend events or outings?) you were unhappy, despite her facilitating you still having several hours with your son on his birthday (which was on one of her days).

Taking a 3 year old away from their primary caregiver for 6 days for just a jolly is also not a minor thing. While I’m sure you’ve picked something he’ll enjoy, he is 3. He doesn’t have “hobbies” and he isn’t the one wanting to go on this specific trip. You’ve deliberately chosen a long trip instead of arranging something around his schedule with his mum.

Ultimately you are both being unreasonable if you think you can carry on with no formalized custody arrangement. You’ll just continue to bicker and get in escalating power struggles, so focus on getting something more fair on paper and approved by the court.

He’s 3. He’s not at school, he’s at nursery. The concept of ‘term time’ is irrelevant, because he’s not school age. This is all madness.

You calling it school is confusing. He’s a 3 year old so this is presumably an optional nursery that most people only use for childcare purposes while they work. I regularly take our nursery age kid out of nursery for holidays, days out or just a chill day at home (when I’ve got leave). I didn’t realise anyone thought nursery was compulsory.

He isn’t at school, he’s at a preschool setting and isn’t even FS1 age yet. Bloody hell make the most of the cheaper holidays and go away now

At 3 it will make no difference to anything. After reception year it massively does (although many on here disagree.)

The curriculum in schools is so ridiculously full that the pace has to be fast. That means in just one week away you miss loads and there really isn't time or people to help everyone catch up just for being on holiday.

Make the most of it now, before it matters.

Three years old and missing “school” (which isn’t school, it’s nursery) for six hours? That should absolutely not be an issue. She is just on a power trip.