Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the one who wakes in the night should sleep a bit later the next morning?

139 replies

Oneandaquarter · 28/09/2024 21:47

DD wakes in the night and she also wakes crazy early at around 5 … AIBU to think DH should get up with her then since I’ve been up in the night?

OP posts:
mumtumok · 28/09/2024 22:26

How old is she ? Does she nap ? People will say cut out her nap but if she doesn’t have one I suggest maybe try introducing one - sometimes children can be just too tired to sleep if that makes any sense I know it worked slightly with my son we used to get up a lot earlier than 5 but no he just about stretches to 5 with a bedtime of 8:30 and a 1-2 hour nap in the day

ThatTealViewer · 28/09/2024 22:26

What possible justification could he have for not getting up with her in the morning if you’re doing all the night wake ups?

Monvelo · 28/09/2024 22:25

If he's not doing any night wakings then yes he should do the early morning get up!

We used to have an air bed on the floor next to the cot and DH would do a shift in there half the night, and be on duty. I would put ear plugs in.

CandyLeBonBon · 28/09/2024 22:24

cadburyegg · 28/09/2024 22:09

YANBU

I remember one time when I had been up half the night with ds1 and then he woke up for the day at 6. I asked my then husband to get up with him and he threw a tantrum "but I have to go to wooooooork"

He's now an ex husband

Yeah I had one of those. One particularly bad year, 3 kids were constantly ill and rag-teaming throughout the night and he'd wake up the next day and say "oh the kids were quiet in the night, weren't they?"

Like yours, he's now an ex. Utterly clueless in spite of begging for more help/engagement.

ThatTealViewer · 28/09/2024 22:24

mumtumok · 28/09/2024 22:13

I’ve always done the night and the early mornings (between 4-5) , might get a slight lay in on my birthday 😂

Why?

Coconutter24 · 28/09/2024 22:23

Oneandaquarter · 28/09/2024 22:20

I work 3 days a week, but to be honest my days off are harder work!

Show quote history

If you’re both going out to work he needs to take it in turns. It’s unfair for you to have to do it each wake up and an early start.

Skykidsspy · 28/09/2024 22:22

I just think it shows a massive lack of caring and respect for you to allow you to shoulder the entire responsibility and run yourself into the ground. A loving partner should do more.

Original poster
Oneandaquarter · 28/09/2024 22:21

I probably will have to look into some form of sleep training but I’ll wait until a bit of a holiday because otherwise it’s too hard. That second wake is pure habit I know it is, but it’s tough to break.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oneandaquarter · 28/09/2024 22:20

Coconutter24 · 28/09/2024 22:16

Do you both head off to work in a morning? Are you a SAHM or on maternity?

I work 3 days a week, but to be honest my days off are harder work!

OP posts:
Original poster
Oneandaquarter · 28/09/2024 22:19

@Skykidsspy i knew someone would say that but he really honestly doesn’t hear her. The weird thing is we have a slightly older ds who seems to have inherited this trait. We all had to stay in a hotel room once and dd was about 8 months and teething and screamed all night but ds just slept peacefully throughout it. He once fell out of bed and just stayed asleep 😂

It is a bit annoying because it all falls on me overnight which is fine if I can catch up a bit the next morning.

OP posts:
Ohcrap082024 · 28/09/2024 22:19

Oneandaquarter · 28/09/2024 22:12

DD tends to wake twice, one is earlier in the evening (anytime from 1030 to midnight) and once in the wee small hours, anything from 1-3.

I find I have to wait a while for her to be in a deep enough sleep to go back on her cot especially that second wake. So I sometimes wake up enough that I really struggle to go back to sleep myself and sometimes I’ll just have nodded off at say half four and then she wakes at 5 and I have to go and get her because DH just doesn’t hear her.

Oh he’s one of those with hearing that switches off when he is asleep!! He doesn’t hear her because as far as he is concerned, you do so all good.

Have you told him that tomorrow morning he needs to get up and do the breakfast shift as you are shattered and need to sleep?

Coconutter24 · 28/09/2024 22:16

Do you both head off to work in a morning? Are you a SAHM or on maternity?

RedBulb · 28/09/2024 22:16

If you are always the one up in the night and he doesn’t/wont/“cant” wake for you share the night wakings and early starts evenly, then yes, he should be getting up early the next day!

I would be furious if I was always doing both, and wouldn’t stand for it.

PandaOrLion · 28/09/2024 22:14

What’s the reason for the waking? If it’s a baby who needs bf then obv only one parent can do it. Anything else then take it in turns or sleep train if that’s the issue . I spent 18m doing every night wake and then we paid a sleep trainer and it’s incredible now. I tell DH he has to do every morning to make up for it (instead we take it in turns).

Skykidsspy · 28/09/2024 22:14

Do you have room for a bed in her room? So when it’s his turn he’s in her room and you’re in yours with ear plugs? I don’t buy the excuse of not hearing - what would happen if you also chose not to hear?

notacooldad · 28/09/2024 22:13

Dh used to let me sleeping if I'd been up in the night

mumtumok · 28/09/2024 22:13

I’ve always done the night and the early mornings (between 4-5) , might get a slight lay in on my birthday 😂

Original poster
Oneandaquarter · 28/09/2024 22:12

Sorry @Ohcrap082024 . It doesn’t work, he just doesn’t hear her and I would do I’d get woken up anyway!

OP posts:
Original poster
Oneandaquarter · 28/09/2024 22:12

DD tends to wake twice, one is earlier in the evening (anytime from 1030 to midnight) and once in the wee small hours, anything from 1-3.

I find I have to wait a while for her to be in a deep enough sleep to go back on her cot especially that second wake. So I sometimes wake up enough that I really struggle to go back to sleep myself and sometimes I’ll just have nodded off at say half four and then she wakes at 5 and I have to go and get her because DH just doesn’t hear her.

OP posts:
Skykidsspy · 28/09/2024 22:11

The turns have to be for each part of the night. We used to do a night or a morning. If he doesn’t hear her first, a gentle waking is required —elbow to the ribs—

get ear plugs for when it’s not your turn

Ohcrap082024 · 28/09/2024 22:11

Oneandaquarter · 28/09/2024 22:07

No, DH never wakes up. I hear snores as I fumble to DDs room. Taking turns just feels really unfair on me, broken nights sleep and crazy early start. Worst of both worlds.

I’m a bit confused @Oneandaquarter. Taking turns would mean that one of you does the night wakings and one does the early mornings. I say this kindly as I know that you are tired to the bone but posters are agreeing with you that you shouldn’t do all of it.

cadburyegg · 28/09/2024 22:09

YANBU

I remember one time when I had been up half the night with ds1 and then he woke up for the day at 6. I asked my then husband to get up with him and he threw a tantrum "but I have to go to wooooooork"

He's now an ex husband

Deliberationdivinationdesperation · 28/09/2024 22:09

Oneandaquarter · 28/09/2024 22:07

No, DH never wakes up. I hear snores as I fumble to DDs room. Taking turns just feels really unfair on me, broken nights sleep and crazy early start. Worst of both worlds.

I think by taking it in turns they mean one night you do the night wakes and he gets up with them at 5am, then the next night he does the night time wake ups and you get up at 5am. Surely that's the only fair way?

Ohcrap082024 · 28/09/2024 22:07

When our dc were little, we had one early riser and one dreadful sleeper so we tag teamed. DH would do late night / early hours shift wakings. I would then be up for the early breakfast shift. Not ideal but the only way that both of us could get reasonable sleep.

But this was when I was back at work and neither of us have jobs where being tired would be dangerous.

Now we have a puppy and run a very similar tag team.

Original poster
Oneandaquarter · 28/09/2024 22:07

No, DH never wakes up. I hear snores as I fumble to DDs room. Taking turns just feels really unfair on me, broken nights sleep and crazy early start. Worst of both worlds.

OP posts: