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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the one who wakes in the night should sleep a bit later the next morning?

139 replies

Oneandaquarter · 28/09/2024 21:47

DD wakes in the night and she also wakes crazy early at around 5 … AIBU to think DH should get up with her then since I’ve been up in the night?

OP posts:
Original poster
Oneandaquarter · 29/09/2024 11:37

I’ve been clear I’m not finding it helpful. I really, really, am not finding it remotely helpful. I couldn’t have been clearer. But some just had to carry on. That’s not trying to help me.

OP posts:
AllThePotatoesAreSingingJingleBells · 29/09/2024 11:37

Definitely but unfortunately my kids disagree.

It’s not DH’s fault. We completely share the load. The kids won’t let either of us sleep in.

Dishwashersaurous · 29/09/2024 11:34

I know you don't believe it but actually everyone is trying to help.

You sound utterly exhausted and at the end of your tether.

So people are suggesting ways to help you get more sleep. And getting a full night sleep consistently for a few nights would help

You don't have to pay attention but people are trying to help.

Original poster
Oneandaquarter · 29/09/2024 11:28

@Dishwashersaurous … I haven’t sat him down, MN style, and asked / told him.

at the moment, I bring DD into him when she wakes for the morning.

i asked if I was being unreasonable to continue doing this. You clearly think so; that’s fine. What isn’t fine is to keep on and on at me, telling me what to do, when I’ve made it clear I’m not asking that.

Anyway, she’s finally conceded to nap so stuff to do, as per always.

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Dishwashersaurous · 29/09/2024 11:27

It's unusual to be in different rooms and also helps explain why he can't hear, and also why you have to get up to wake him.

But you clearly know what you want.

So has he agreed to do every early waking?

Original poster
Oneandaquarter · 29/09/2024 11:24

ButterAsADip · 29/09/2024 11:22

Why the thread then?

I mean, separate rooms is a pretty vital piece of info don’t you think?

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Is it? Why?

The thread is about whether DH should get up early or not. I genuinely don’t see why him being in a different room has any bearing on that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oneandaquarter · 29/09/2024 11:23

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/09/2024 11:22

I know. OP asked for opinions though.

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Opinions are absolutely fine but (meant generally not aimed at you) when someone does say no, that really doesn’t work for us I do think tempers are improved if people just accept that rather than keep endlessly pushing the one true right way.

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ButterAsADip · 29/09/2024 11:22

Oneandaquarter · 29/09/2024 10:45

@ButterAsADip yeah. If DH woke up. We don’t sleep together so I’d have to get out of bed to wake him anyway and then I’d be awake while he groggily came round and had a wee and then I’d be awake listening to DD crying. I could have her sorted in that time so I’ll carry on doing that no matter how wrong that is in MN eyes.

Why the thread then?

I mean, separate rooms is a pretty vital piece of info don’t you think?

Original poster
Oneandaquarter · 29/09/2024 11:22

@zebranotzeebra i have to admit that for all every parent should be equal I don’t think that’s true when they are two and under. It just isn’t. It does change (older DS is in a decidedly only daddy will do phase) but for very young children / babies really it does tend to be the mother they gravitate towards.

I am feeling exceptionally irritable and more than a bit overwhelmed with everything today and DDs sleep is just a nightmare, I know it passes, but it’s very hard when in the thick of it and being told endlessly you’re doing it all wrong is so stressful.

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SouthLondonMum22 · 29/09/2024 11:22

BurbageBrook · 29/09/2024 09:13

Not everyone agrees with or wants to sleep train.

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I know. OP asked for opinions though.

zebranotzeebra · 29/09/2024 11:19

I do the vast majority of night wakes for my toddler (2 years old) because she's still breastfeeding. At 5am especially, it's either feed in bed or start the day! Sometimes she sleeps through, sometimes one wake, sometimes two. It's very variable. DH sometimes tries to settle her but inevitably she wants me so it's usually easier if I just go. This morning after I tried and failed to settle her with a feed around 5am, he got her up and I had another hours sleep. At weekends he tends to do this, weekdays he needs to get to work early so can't. He definitely knows that I'm doing more than him so this feels the least he can do! I do also try to help myself by going to bed early though. It's rubbish having no evening but I have accepted that it won't be forever and sleep is my priority over TV etc!

Original poster
Oneandaquarter · 29/09/2024 11:12

What are you hoping to get by continuing to post on it?

Genuinely?

Because I asked last night anticipating another disruptive night and it’s still going this morning and a lot of those posts are you so you’re clearly getting something from it: what?

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Dishwashersaurous · 29/09/2024 11:10

What are you hoping to get from this thread?

stanleypops66 · 29/09/2024 11:06

My dc was a great sleeper generally unless sick or teething. I mostly did night wake ups due to feeding and because I could settle baby quicker. My dh 100% got up in the morning if we'd had an unsettled night.

Original poster
Oneandaquarter · 29/09/2024 11:06

Dishwashersaurous · 29/09/2024 11:04

But your husband doesn't agree with your preferred approach, which is why you are asking for advice on mumsnet.

So people are giving advice on options

Oh, so he doesn’t agree

poor lamb

I’ll do it all then?

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Original poster
Oneandaquarter · 29/09/2024 11:05

I’ve told you, I already do it. She wakes at 5/530/whatever (6am today, oh and is refusing to nap, great) and then I take her to DH.

DH is grumbling. He’s tired, he’s so tired. Yawn, tired, yawn.

I asked yesterday if it was reasonable for him to do the early mornings when I’m doing the night wakes. That’s it. And I know I am being snappy, don’t worry, it’s not just here, DH and the kids have been screamed at as well Confused

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MyPeppyTaupeFox · 29/09/2024 11:04

We used to alternate throughout the night and that fed into the morning. However, he worked away so I did all of it when he was gone. We tried it once for him to do it all so I could have a full night's sleep and he couldn't cope 🤦🏼‍♀️ After that, we learnt to play to our strengths and these days he does morning wake up for me to lie in whenever he's home but I tend to do bedtime. I do think though that if your husband isn't pulling his weight at all then resentment will build super quickly and, even if it's not the nighttime waking, something has to change to ease the load on you.

Dishwashersaurous · 29/09/2024 11:04

But your husband doesn't agree with your preferred approach, which is why you are asking for advice on mumsnet.

So people are giving advice on options

PullTheBricksDown · 29/09/2024 11:03

Oneandaquarter · 29/09/2024 11:01

I don’t need things listing for me. I’m not an idiot.

Wr can tackle the lack of sleep by having one parent (me) do overnight and the other doing the mornings. Like it says in my title.

Right, we get it, you've made it clear what the solution is. So when will you say to your husband 'you need to do the 5am wakings, this isn't negotiable for me' given that it's what you're set on? Cos at the moment you're wasting time snapping at folk on here

Original poster
Oneandaquarter · 29/09/2024 11:01

I don’t need things listing for me. I’m not an idiot.

Wr can tackle the lack of sleep by having one parent (me) do overnight and the other doing the mornings. Like it says in my title.

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 29/09/2024 11:00

You need to agree how to tackle the lack of sleep.

  1. You do all night waking and he does early mornings ( your preference).
  1. You alternate night and early mornings.
  1. You both sleep train together to get rid of the night wakings.
  1. You take it in turns doing both night waking and early mornings and on those nights you put ear plugs in so you don't wake up.
  1. His suggestion
Vettrianofan · 29/09/2024 10:58

Oneandaquarter · 28/09/2024 22:07

No, DH never wakes up. I hear snores as I fumble to DDs room. Taking turns just feels really unfair on me, broken nights sleep and crazy early start. Worst of both worlds.

I have teens that stay up till after 11 sometimes, and up before 6am with 9yo and 7yo. Bloody exhausting. I was shouting out of frustration this morning, as DH just lies there whilst I need to get up with the younger two.

I get it. You need your rest.

Original poster
Oneandaquarter · 29/09/2024 10:57

What do you mean a proper conversation?

I mean, we can’t return the kids, so right now things are as they are. I don’t think DH is sleeping through her waking on purpose any more than she’s waking on purpose but it doesn’t make it any less shit.

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MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 29/09/2024 10:54

Then you and DH need to have a proper conversation about how to move forward. No, it's not fair you doing both the night waking and the early mornings but also DD is not a baby and you both need to get this situation sorted out and get on the same page.

You need to be a partnership in resolving this, not at loggerheads which is sooooo hard when you're tired I know but otherwise it won't end.

Original poster
Oneandaquarter · 29/09/2024 10:54

At the moment yes.

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