To think the one who wakes in the night should sleep a bit later the next morning?

How you doing OP? I completely agree with you on what should happen, as I said upthread. I'm really interested in why you thought it even might be unreasonable to ask him to get up at 5. It's not!! I wonder if your DH is not being fair. So I , like some other posters too I think, are wanting to support you with holding your ground & making your case, if that's what you actually need.

If he doesn't wake in the nights then yes he should be getting up in the mornings until this phase passes.
If he doesn't wake in the morning then he should be setting himself an alarm for her earliest wake time to make sure he's awake.

If you weren't there (school residential, visiting elderly parents, weekend away with friends) he'd have to hear them overnight and in the morning so he is (perhaps subconsciously rather than maliciously) using you as a crutch.

If he doesn't like the idea of waking every morning with her (either waking to her or setting an alarm to ensure he's awake for her) then he needs to have a conversation with you about what he feels is his solution that's fair to you both.

Exactly this

If he really can’t get up in the night of course he should do mornings - but sounds like he doesn’t wake then either!

Literally just trying to help, and I get that reply that’s basically nothing to do with what I suggested 😅 ok……

My DH is very much like yours. He’s not being a dick, he’s genuinely a really heavy sleeper and it’s so much effort to wake him up that by the time I’ve done it I’m so awake myself anyway it’s not worth the faff. So yeah, wherever possible he will get up early in the morning with DS and let me sleep in, or if we know it’s going to be a tricky night (teething, illness), he’ll stay up til 1/2am to cover the first half of the night while I get some rest.

if it’s 5am daily he should set an alarm.

Yes, your DH getting up at 5am with DD is fair - plenty of people do that for the gym or their commute, especially if he isn't waking up in the night.

But.
He does hear her.
It's just his brain is filing this as 'not your problem - go back to sleep'
I'm not saying he's doing it consciously, but if you get him to agree to take the early mornings and stick with it, his brain will catch up in the end.

When I had a DH (now exh) who didn’t hear Dd waking up, we went through a phase when we each slept in her room for a night, then slept in our bedroom the other night. So we each got a turn of a good night’s sleep.

It was almost like he didn’t hear her unless he fully knew he was on duty.

She was over 1 by this point but she was a terrible night waker for years - partly I imagine due to being a very sick baby until about 9 months. She’s a very brilliant, capable 16 yo now 😂

I think that’s what it is with the non hearers. They don’t think the night waking is anything to do with them, so tune out. When I have been hospital overnight with my dc past waking age, I could easily zone out other people’s babies and toddlers as they’re not my responsibility!

Does he wake up with an alarm ?
If smoke alarm went off

My dad is deaf so has a vibrating alarm and smoke alarm under his pillow

Is he ignoring the crying sound like as I said previously so many dads happen to do .......

If dd wakes up 5ish then he sets his alarm for 5am or 4.50am and he gets up and Has coffee /read in bed /watch tv till dd wakes

You are at stalemate as no what you are asking isn't unreasonable but seem dh doesn't care that you are shattered and at end of tether and doesn't seem to want to do get up at 5am after having an undisturbed good nights sleep night after night

And again why so many have said sleep train

Ah sorry, I see what you mean. It's a nightmare.

For what it's worth, of course it's reasonable of you to want DH to do the mornings. You need some sleep.

Maybe just accept that this phase of parenthood is shit? Trying to think of things that actually would help you, since everything else has been rejected. Maybe acceptance? Yeah, it is shit. Yeah you’ll be tired for a few years. And to answer your title, yeah, the one who wakes up in the night, if you’re not gonna alternate night wakings, should get a lie in. But doesn’t seem that, your own suggestion, is doable either??

I'm going to put the nastiness of your responses OP down to tiredness.

You need to sit down with DH and have a proper conversation about in the short term, managing your lack of sleep by him getting up in the mornings and how, in the long term you are going to solve the night wakings.

I get the sense you haven't both actually sat down and discussed it, at least not discussed it from a place of anger. Because if your responses on here are anything to go by, your temper is not helping.

OP, you are not being unreasonable. If you do all the night wakings, he should get up with the baby every morning to let you catch up on your sleep.

@Oneandaquarter im so sorry, you sound absolutely exhausted.

I do empathise as my DD was an awful sleeper and when you’re in the thick of it it just feels never ending.

YANBU to expect your dh to get up in the mornings if you’ve been up in the night. Some solutions maybe/maybe not -
DD sleeps in the same room as DH in the hope he hears her first.

DH stays up late (when he’s not working the next day) and does the first wake ups (assuming you’re not breastfeeding) and you do the 5am one.

If it’s a regular time she wakes, DH sets an alarm for 5am so he hears her when she wakes.

I don’t suppose you have relatives nearby, my mum once had my DD overnight for me when I felt like I was on the edge (she actually bloody slept through for her too)?

I know the recommendations to go to bed early etc. are good but I for one cannot sleep in the day or too early etc. and once I’m awake then I’m awake so that’s frustrating.

I really hope you manage to find a solution so that you can get some sleep, it’s easy for me to say now as mine is a teenager but it does pass, although I look back at those 3 years of not sleeping through with horror, I don’t know how I survived but I did. Good luck @Oneandaquarter

You need to find a way that works for both of you.
DH didn't wake when the kids woke - and doesn't do early!
So I did overnight wakes,and the early morning. But he stayed up until after that late evening wake (11-1 typically for us).
And I'd get up at the weekend, then about 9am go and boot him out of bed, and have a mammoth nap - like 9 til 2. And yes, I could still go to bed at 9pm that night!

I agree with you: sharing the wake ups doesn't work if you are woken anyway. What I desperately needed was solid chunks of sleep. Work on a way to get some of those in a routine that works for both of you.

I was honestly just trying to be supportive , not trying to finger wag at all 🙈🙈🙈

I didn’t read it as people trying to tell you what to do- some maybe, but I thought that most were just offering different solutions. ( But that was just my outsider interpretation I guess. ) But it seems the only solution that works for you is you doing nights and dh mornings which makes perfect sense and no not unreasonable at all.

Hi OP. I don’t think you are unreasonable at all asking your DH to get up in the morning!

you are up in the night; he has an uninterrupted night of sleep - he can do the early start. End of.

i do think you are being a little bit U snapping at pp’s on this thread who are just trying to offer different solutions for sharing the load. But you are knackered- I get it ❤️

You alternate at the weekend...one gets up on Sat at 5am with dd and the other on the sun