WWYD? Friendship turning weird.

This is well documented in the DV research.

This is what this predator has done here - he has ramped up his control / abuse / pushed boundaries because he knows women are vulnerable post birth.

Good for you for working so hard on yourself. That has stood you in good stead because you have been aware and listened to the alarm bells and taken action.

Dont doubt yourself. Be very proud that you have taken actions to protect yourself.

If he does make contact another way (doorsteps you, sends a gift etc) tell him you want zero contact (keep a record) and know that if he makes 2 attempts of contact after being told no - this constitutes harrasment so call the police.

Dont underestimate how dangerous this character is.

Congrats on your baby - focus on having a wonderful, calm, peaceful and joyous motherhood.

Please take this extremely seriously, OP.

This is a dangerous man. File a police report, for the purposes of a paper trail. If he does anything else, you want there to be something on record already. Tell real people in your life what's been happening. This man found you by stalking in the first place. This whole "friendship" started off by a violation of boundaries and criminal behaviour.

Let this be a watershed moment. DO NOT engage with him further in any way whatsoever. Make sure people in your life know about this. Keep safe. Don't let this slip into "oh I'm sure it wasn't that bad actually, I probably did something to provoke him". This is severely concerning.

All the best to you and baby.

Please be kind to yourself @ForLoveOrMoney - you're certainly not "stupid" or "pathetic", and don't need to be "disappointed" in yourself at all. You made an error in judgement, as we all do from time to time, and actually one that's very understandable - you took someone who claimed to be your friend, up on an offer of a curry. Hardly crime of the century! And now you've identified the problem and are rectifying it. There's no shame in feeling lonely - and you can address that issue too. Lots and lots of women do feel lonely at first, which is why baby groups were set up in the first place. It isn't a failing, and it isn't something insurmountable. Lots of women are also at a more vulnerable emotional ebb too, when they've just given birth (or suffered a bereavement), and some preditory, toerag men hone in on this. You have done well to swerve him and keep yourself and your baby safe!! He is nothing. Don't let this wanker take away from your happiness, or the achievement you have made in having and looking after your baby x

Hi OP, I didn't want to read and run and what you've described in your posts is really alarming. The only advice I would have is:

1. Do not post any details of your locations, groups you go to etc on any social media as he may be able to track you.
2. I'm glad your mum knows, but when you get home, please tell friends and even your immediate neighbours so they can keep an eye out for this man.
3. Please invest in a ring doorbell.
4. Build your support network by joining groups etc.
5. I would also seriously consider going to the police with how you initially met, how he found you at the hairdressers and all of your experience and communication with him. He sounds like a dangerous man.

It sounds like you've come such a long way in terms of setting boundaries etc. He has taken advantage at such a vulnerable time. I would stay with your mum for as long as is feasible. Maybe even mention this to your Health Visitor during your next appointment.

Predatory male 🚩

Could I of done something to provoke this switch up in behaviour?

NO. You did nothing wrong.
His nasty text sounds like he was drunk, and he’s a very nasty drunk.
Block him on everything, don’t be tempted to contact him again. You must protect your child and yourself.
Make some mum friends, ask your HV if there are any mums groups nearby. It can be lonely being with a baby, especially if you’re on your own so mum friends will be good allies.
Stay safe.

You are correct - just to reiterate what you already know, he has 0 claim over your child, in case you were worried. Even if he had of been involved in the pregnancy or whatever, it's irrelevant what he says or thinks.

Do you have any Children's Centres near you? Please utilise if so, they are amazing. If not, to echo others, meet some mum friends elsewhere. It's much easier to meet new people when you have new babies, as you have a common topic of conversation, and everyone is in the same boat re wanting to make new friends. Your choice isn't to either be alone, or put up with dickheads like this bloke x

Errrrm what? When you say he came into the hairdressers you were in, was that just a by chance thing, as in he walked in for a service and you happened to be in there and recognised eachother? Or did he find out you were there and come in with the intent of forcing a meeting with you?

Only asking because if it’s the latter then I’m afraid it sounds like you have been actively stalked for several years under the guise of friendship and is therefore much more likely to be a dangerous person (opposed to just a weird wanker).

Omg, creep! Please be safe.

Chilling and disturbing. Any further contact I’d file a report with the police. There are many red flags in all your posts. Concentrate on your baby and stay away from weird online chat sites.

This is really important advice, OP.

Holy cow, he STALKED YOU?

Saw sense and deleted the account then one day I was at the hairdressers and he came in, tracked me down on Facebook after and since then its just been a rinse and repeat of personality switch ups and then the most recent years of NC until recently.

uuughhhhh what? How was he ever your friend? God I'm so glad you can see him for what he is now, just never speak to him again. In fact be wary of him 'tracking you down' again.
Congrats on your baby! Please try and get support from other friends/mums!

Do not blame your self or second guess yourself. You mummy istincts were activated and you blocked this weirdo. Rightly so.

I agree it sounds like he could be predatory towards your DC. That could well be his motivation for suddenly seeming to push a romantic/sexual relationship with you. Extremely alarming. Do everything in your power to keep this man out of your life and away from your DC. The criticism is just trying to weaken you and undermine your confidence. Absolute bollocks, it sounds like you're doing amazingly.

Yep as PP has said sounds like he liked the idea of a ready made family and thought your vulnerability post birth was his ‘in’. Thought you were gonna be so wow-ed by his apparent vast knowledge of baby rearing that you’d think of him as the hero that swooped in and saved the “damsel in distress” on her own with a new baby.

The fact that you have knocked him back and he has turned nasty opposed to apologising or explaining that you’d got the wrong end of the stick says it all. Thank god you are nowhere near as vulnerable as he was hoping, as if he’ll give you that nasty of a reaction from a text message, I dread to think what a relationship would be like.

This man sounds awful! Where did you meet him? Honestly, take the advice of the other posters and do not engage with him at all. I hope you have a ring doorbell.

This man is nothing short of a predator who has groomed you I am so sorry you have found yourself in this position and he has abused and manipulated a place in your life and has sought you out when you are the most vulnerable. None of this is remotely your fault. The pathetic one is him. He is an abuser of the highest order and is reacting to you rightfully asserting boundaries.

I also had a platonic (from my side) friendship with a man for over a decade where he also manipulated huge vulnerabilities in my life including the break down of an abusive relationship and the death of my mother and used these times to his full advantage to exploit my mental health. He was controlling, obsessive, would always criticise me and tell me how I wasn’t capable of doing anything. These people need you to need them because they are pathetic low-lives with no morals. These people don’t hold values with people who behave like good friends who can be trusted. I finally after about four attempts cut this man out of my life for good about three years ago and have thrived without his negativity and poison dripping in my ear. Sometimes I think about the good times and happy memories but then I catch myself and remember how he is a compulsive liar and this “friendship” was based upon his manipulation.

Be free of this man, you will grow so much without him. Good luck OP.

I would get a camera or a ring doorbell or similar if you don't already have one just in case.

Have you got a ring doorbell or similar just in case he shows up in person? I'd join some baby groups and make friends with mothers with babies of a similar age and stage for when you want some human contact over coffee.

What a weirdo. It’s not your fault, it never would be your fault but at what 2 weeks postpartum(??) you are extremely vulnerable and of course wanted to feel some normality by having a catch up with a friend. He exploited that and is a bad man. Please keep yourself and your baby safe.

He is a predator - as someone else has already said.

Make sure you not only tell your mum and family but also your friends.

I am sorry to worry you but he will have remembered where you live despite it being a few years since he was there.

Please see if you can get a ring doorbell fitted asap.