Heartbroken over porn use

I had the perfect husband for ten years until I discovered his porn addiction.

Apparently he'd got addicted as a teen but when he got into a healthy sexual relationship it subsided (though his since admitted that he was still watching it, just less).

It's ruined our marriage. We still live together because we have two small children and we co parent really well but I couldn't go back so we're more like best friends and we'll continue this way for as long as it's working.

He attends SAA and said its basically all porn addicts.

Don't beat yourself up. You're not competing with those woman on the screen, your husband has an addiction so it's the addiction you can't compete against.

My marriage died the day I found out (it also involved messaging woman online and exchanging pictures). The man I thought I married was gone.

@MaineHatton

It is not women's responsibility to fix the mess men make.

It is not ops responsibility to fix her husbands excessive and debilitating use of porn which is ruining their relationship.

With one comment you are not only insulting women by implying that we don't understand men and intimacy. And insulting men by implying that this adult is so helpless that he can't possibly help himself unless op sorts this out for him by single handedly taking responsibility for the emotional health of their relationship.

It sounds like you are a man who is completely oblivious to what a true connection looks like. Because its impossible when only one person is working on it. Ops husband needs to step up and meet her halfway. She can't do the emotional work for him nor should she.

Woman here. I suggest you ignore men trying to minimise to justify their own issues.

Nobody can tell you what to do, but it's important you face who he really is.

He's lied to you deliberately. He's broken your trust. He's chosen porn over you.

He has made these choices. Now you get to make yours.

Gosh, its such a mystery why a lot of us feel negatively about men.

Having no emotional intelligence may be a factor.

You're right.

Men = psychology of sex experts.

Women = dumb nags that need to learn how to please their men and then they definitely won't ever cheat or watch porn excessively.

This is just beyond vile on many levels. You can’t get enough of a connection with a porn addict. Get back on dadsnet.

OP - it’s ultimatum time. Either he stops this or your relationship is over.

His porn use is not your fault.

When porn takes over from actual real life sex you know there’s an actual real life problem.

He has ED because he can only get it up to porn. There’s plenty men out there in their 50’s looking for a woman and who they can have sex with.

And I would imagine even if he isn’t wanking whilst watching it he’s probably just knocking one out in the toilet soon afterwards.

Obviously another wanker .

I think - as someone who’s been with men with porn addiction in the past- you need to stop feeling there’s something wrong with you or that you can’t compete with these women - because a man that is addicted to porn will watch porn regardless of how much sex he’s being offered elsewhere in real life or not, and how young or stunning (or not) his partner is. It really isn’t anything to do with that for them. It’s almost like someone who likes eating custard creams will continue to eat custard creams regardless of however many other biscuits they have on offer or whether the other biscuits are better quality. It literally makes no difference. You’re fighting a losing battle trying to stop a man who watches porn stop watching porn. It will never happen. They just become more sneaky about it.

Porn addiction is a real thing. And it’s a FACT that many of these women in porn are absolutely exploited, trafficked and abused. Why tf are you in here? It’s called mumsnet not mansnet. Do men absolutely have to infiltrate all women’s spaces? You’re prob a heavy porn user yourself and by the sounds of it have a shitty opinion of women.

They all do it in the toilet. Unless you don't have doors or everything go to the loo or bath yourself, or he doesn't do it before coming our of the home office while he is "working" or in the car.

You didn't need to tell us you're a man.

You aren't getting fucked either way.

And their is a third choice- single life. You don't need a man.

Man here.

Oh thank fuck for that. Us women can't handle this one, so it's great you showed up, right on cue 🙄

Of course he does. He isn't getting hot and worked up and then going down to make a sandwich and talk to you about the weather with a boner in his pants.

So many sad little men now would rather lock themselves away clutching their penises with a death grip for a 2 minute walk, rather than engage with their partner and put in the effort and connection of sex.

I'm.sorry for what you're going through.

Toilet, after you're in bed, in the same room and quietly edging until an appropriate time...

This is literally the biggest loads of bollox I've ever read on here. And that's saying something!

What do you say to the reams of sites set up to help men who want to give up said porn/ wanking habbits and save their ability to enjoy real life sex.

You're either a bit dense or being deliberately moronic because you gave your own problem in this area.

I have my doubts this post is real. I know men have become bad, but surely not this bad? It’s like we aren’t quite human and we exist only to please them. I fear for the future of humanity, haha!

Because ge's using his hand whilst watching.