Would you take on c. 10K debt to have one chance of another child?

Absolutely not but then I wouldn’t for a first either. Children were never a must for me.

Will all the hormones and procedures of IVF impact on your quality of interaction with your first child?

I also have an only child via IVF and I’m almost in the same position - but if my last frozen embryo doesn’t work (and there’s only a very small chance) then I’ve decided I’ll just have to try to think more positively about the benefits of having an only DC. I would have got myself into debt to have children in the first place but I don’t think it’s fair on the child you have now to do the same to have a second one.

Its fine if you are wealthy and can afford multiple rounds which gives you the best chance - but older age/ or other fertility issues AND can barely afford 1 round (as in my case too), then from a practical point of view it seems a bit crazy. I do understand where you are coming from emotionally though - as I said, I will likely be in the same situation soon

I spent £15k on IVF in the 90s. Didn’t work. Didn’t need to go to debt though as had some inheritance from my father who died when I was 17.

No, we have one child after infertility and will attempt to have another. But I wouldn't put myself in debt or risk my wellbeing for it.

Debt, no
savings, possibly

There's no obligation to give your DC a sibling. Lots of people decide to have a single child.

However is £10k debt a lot to you? How long is it likely to take you to pay back? It's not great odds.

I did exactly that. Put 10k on the mortgage. Needed ISCI etc. It didn't work - well, it did initially, but I had a late miscarriage. It was utterly heartbreaking at the time. I knew it was the end of the road and any more debt would seriously impact the DC I had.

Looking back, I actually don't regret it. I got a puppy after the miscarriage who has been the most wonderful dog, and it gave me closure I wouldn't otherwise have had. It was a lot of money and a lot of stress. But weirdly if I had to go back I'd probably do the same thing again. You do need a definite end though, a point beyond which you stop.

This. I would also be mindful of the time, stress and attention it would take away from your child. Could easily spend two years wrapped up in it, it fails and you suddenly wake up one day regretting missing the childhood of the child yu have. Who may feel pushed aside and not enough seeing the lengths yu are going to

No.

Your first child will have a lower quality of life if you're in debt, you have a disabled child, or you have problems during/after pregnancy that debilitate you.

I think you are perfectly reasonable not to want to accumulate debt, have IVF or put yourself through anything in pursuit of a pregnancy. My first child took me 6.5 years, three rounds of ivf, two surprise natural conceptions and a total of three mmcs before a successful pregnancy. We knew that after that we would never ‘try’ for a second child. I had such conflicted feelings, I wanted another but I was absolutely not going there to put myself through years of disappointment or any further medical intervention.

I did actually go on to have DS at 41. A total surprise after I’d made peace with being a family of three.

I think it depends on your circumstances and how significant £10k is. If it didn't give you and your family a hugely worse quality of life / stress and you had the means to pay it back I would go for it. You can't take it with you.

Most people keep a lot of the baby stuff though.

I would, if I really wanted the chance of a second kid, and if I could manage the debt.

However I wouldn't feel that I should. It's a want not a need.

I would.

It's not an insane amount, it's a level of debt some people take on for cars and holidays.

If it works it's well worth it and you'll always be glad.

If it doesn't you'll know you tried, and 10k of debt won't follow you forever.

I would stop there though.

No. I was in this situation until recently, and I thought about it quite hard, but I think I would find it extremely difficult not to get pulled into the cycle of 'but what if it worked next time'?

You are absolutely allowed to be sad. It is sad. Please don't feel as if you have to move heaven and earth in order to 'demonstrate' your right to feel sad (or to demonstrate you wanted to give your child a sibling).

I wouldn’t as even if it works you are starting a new life with no money, rather getting anything you need for the new baby (or could be babies such as twins) you have to cover deng repayment in addition to existing bills. Likely on lower money as one on maternity leave.

I wouldn’t for a second child. For the first child, yes.

Yes, if I was comfortable and could afford the repayments without it affecting my family.

No absolutely not.

Personally, no I wouldn't. I would have a good life with the child I have.

There is absolutely no guarantee that your children will get on or enjoy the same things. And there is no guarantee of a healthy second child. It's all up to whatever fate gives you.

I wouldn't spend £10k to potentially be in a less happy place.

For first child yes, second child I always said i wouldn’t but perhaps when in baby fever I would but I think DH would be the voice of reason and say we agreed we wouldn’t

I personally wouldn't as I don't have that urge but if I did have that urge I might well be persuaded it's a debt worth taking on.

No, if I didn’t have £10k savings I wouldn’t get into debt for it when I already had a child. That £10k could be used for your existing child.