Would you take on c. 10K debt to have one chance of another child?

Have you considered adoption?

This and please try to stop comparing your situation to your friends. You have stated all the risk factors (irrespective of finance). Only u and your partner can make the decision that is right for u . Once u have made that decision, u need to ride with it and not torture yourselves with ifs and buts.
Enjoy your family life

I spent £25k on IVF to have my miracle, and I would have kept going until I could beg/steal/borrow no more. And I probably DO mean beg and steal. It was that visceral a need.

For a second child? Absolutely not if it could negatively impact the first. I lost my fertility fully to an ectopic after my first, and tbh there was something positive in that it blocked off the possibility of having a sibling entirely. A tiny amount of hope can be dangerous, I fully believe it. No hope is sometimes easier to handle.

I know secondary infertility can be awful, but I also believe wholeheartedly that it is entirely different to not being a parent at all.

No I wouldn’t. Not for a high risk pregnancy with poor chances of success.

In this exact dilemma at the moment. Currently doing a frozen embryo transfer round of IVF so it's cheaper (£3.5-4k) but it's our last frozen embryo. If this doesn't work I'm not sure.

I would have spent anything to have our first child, but now they're here it's harder to justify more spending on potential heartbreak when that money could go towards giving DC a wonderful, comfortable life.

I wouldn't judge anyone who did though. Infertility is horrific and destroys your mental health, so whatever someone decides is best for them is the right path.

Even if they're getting into debt. If they can service the debt, it's just money, it doesn't really matter especially when you might end up with a hugely loved, wanted baby.

You also have to consider it may not be born healthy and require full time care which would make debt harder to pay back.

This. It depends how much you want it.

Absolutely this.
If you are also going to be a very high risk pregnancy you need to consider the impact on your whole family if your baby has health complications etc.
I hope you find peace with whatever decision you make op. Good luck x

Make sure all your decisions are based on you, your daughter and your partner 's needs, not driven by envy of your friend. There is always someone for whom everything seems easier. Focusing on yourself will make it easier to live with whatever the outcome is.

I was in that position (had 3 year old DC) and decided against it because I was worried about the mental/emotional effects (and hormonal mental/emotional effects). My first pregnancy was a nightmare and I was still suffering from lack of sleep. It was a difficult decision.

I took out a similarly-sized loan to train for a new career instead, which turned out well.

However, I might have chosen differently had I the support I felt I needed and if I'd been feeling healthier and happier. It really is entirely up to you. We're all different.

In this context you would be carzy to even consider it.
Enjoy being alive and with your daughter.

Enjoy what you have..enjoy life.

It’s so variable though - for some people, a debt of £10k could be paid back easily and quickly, for others it may be impossible. Personally I would, as we could repay it by cutting down on luxuries/holidays over the next 2-3 years. I had to remortgage to afford my last maternity leave, due to the nature of my job.

If there was a risk to my health that could potentially mean leaving my existing DC motherless, it would be a no.

I wouldn't get into debt for it, no OP. I might have taken it from very healthy savings though. It's really difficult to say until in that situation. I think I would have gotten into debt for one child though, otherwise I'd have always thought "What if..." But then where does IVF stop? I'd find it hard to know when to stop as I'd constantly think "What if the next round is the one?"

Really hope you are happy or rather at peace with whatever choice you make.

1 child is a blessing of course, and you are lucky and blessed! But don't ever let anyone make you feel guilty for wanting more. It's natural and normal to want a sibling. Whilst your fertility struggles serve to highlight how lucky you are to have a child, you do not need to feel guilty for wanting a sibling. And you absolutely do need to know that you did your utmost to get one!

In the scale of things, £10k is a drop in the ocean of the cost of raising a child. One of ours is costing that a year in uni accommodation and top up spending money. It's about the cost of what my cousin is spending on childcare and £10k the cost of a reasonable second hand car or a couple of family holidays abroad.

Yes I would. With a solid plan for paying off the debt within a couple of years.

I probably would take on the debt if it were my only chance yes.....because everyone is unique and the odds are probably not directly applicable to you. Took a few goes at IVF for our first and then it worked, second was a natural surprise/shock after many failed IVf's. Would it have happened without the IVF attempts? No idea but you've got and take your chances whilst you have them! IVF might have kick started my natural fertility. 2 girls later and I certainly wouldn't chance a thing!

If I had no children, then yes I would.

If I had one or more children already, no I wouldn’t.

Actually, no. Having read your update re being high risk, definitely not. At 40 I'd also be thinking about the higher risk of additional needs, in terms of the lack of extended family support.

Sorry OP. I'd take the low odds of success but not the higher risk to yourself and the impact on your existing child

Yes I would. I always felt that I wanted to give my kids siblings. Not sure why I'm not at all close to one of mine and much older than the other. Anyhow, I have three kids who are very close. We were definitely poorer for having three, when they were young anyway, but that was okay. They didn't care and they've always had fun together.

Absolutely not. Have two amazing children who are adopted. 10k debt is a huge amount of debt and then to not have a child aswell. I appreciate this is some people's decision, but I never felt the need to have a genetic child. Also are my genes that great? I am short and dumpy... does any child need that?

Listen, my DD is an only, likely to never have any cousins. She’s 8. I’m 46. I would have loved to have had another, but we won’t. And that’s ok. Familial ties aren’t everything - we often refer to our friends and their kids as her aunties / uncles / cousins. Took me a while to accept, but I have.

I had a hard won, but relatively easy pregnancy. I couldn’t even consider another pregnancy given all the issues you’ve described. The risk of leaving your child without a mother is far too high. Focus on your beautiful child, accept that there will be some hard / tearful conversations when your child asks for a sibling, but please know that you’re not the only person to struggle with this. And most importantly, your child will be ok. The conversations are invariably harder on us parents than on the child asking for a brother / sister.

It sounds like you need some real and specific counselling around the birth trauma though - your money would be better spent on that, I think?

Really wishing all the best for you OP 💐💐💐

A friend of mine remortgaged the house and spent £40k on IVF which wasn't successful (for her second baby). It was terribly difficult to stop (just one more go) until the money literally ran out. I think she needed to go through it to get closure, but I don't think she'd be able to say it was worth it.