To ask for tips to survive crippling lonliness as a lone parent?

It's great that you do gym in the mornings -i would try and get to bed early with a book if I were you. Or use that hour to chat to men on dating apps and set up dates for the weekend. X

Separated parent here, WFT from home.

Its difficult to find fun company, but not impossible. I go to the rugby with my son. Go to gigs with online dates. Tried the app Meet Up, didn't really enjoy it, but it's an option.

Hiking and hillwalking, walkiggrusareals good. There are free hobbies, which can be good. Offer to dog walk for neighbours, just to chat with people.

I'm a lone parent of DD15.

Can you reframe it a bit? There are lots of really useful tips on here but I always consider this time in the evening as me time.

I do yoga, have a long shower, find a series I really like on Netflix, cook quick meals that are good but easy (oven baked risotto is always a winner)

I found the early years lonely but been in my own so long I actually love it now.

Op, I'm a single, full-time working mum of a teen DS. You are right, once I've cooked supper and chased him to do his homework there is no time for going out.

But I need to do something, so I leave him asleep on a Saturday morning, and do Parkrun. Lots of new people there. And I became a parish councillor which takes a bit of reading and one evening a month. New friends there. On that one evening a month, DS has frozen pizza.
I go to the local pub quiz night with DS. We eat there once a month but a good social occasion for both of us. He skulks with the other teenagers 😀

I try to plan two or three things a week. And I give them priority. Happy teens need happy positive parents.

Oh, and MOOCs. They are free and available in a huge range of interesting subjects to study at your own pace.

I sympathise - lone parent here and it's hard when energy and motivation are low. I think starting small with changes is good as it helps give you confidence to do the next thing, like an upward spiral. Over the years I have spent my evenings doing combinations of the following:

• yoga with Adrienne on YouTube
• prearranged phone dates with friends and a glass of wine
• inviting friends over for a takeaway
• taking an actor I like and watching every film they ever made
• pamper evening - long bath, good book, paint nails etc.
• audiobooks
• persuading the teens to come and watch something with me - Popcorn bribes work.
• online Scrabble with strangers.
• chocolate night with crap telly!

I also try to go out once a week. I go to the pub, the cinema, the theatre, comedians, dinner with friends. It's liberating to realise this is possible, but it does depend on the age and independence of your teen. I have several of them, so although they don't really hang out together, they have each other if there's a problem.

I dip my toe in dating every now and again but it is less rewarding than all of the above!

Making sure you are healthy and have no nutritional deficiencies might mean more evening energy. Berocca gives me a noticeable boost.

Most colleges do small online free courses. Would just filling your time do for now? What about some type of craft? Home exercise?Would you consider being a telephone volunteer of some sort? Would you try online dating?

Lots of great ideas above, especially on batch cooking and your DD putting a meal in the oven ready for when you’re home.

If you’re so exhausted, should you be at the gym every morning? Why not do 3 days not 5, plus something at the weekend?

Your work schedule is punishing. I’d also try to change that to free up more evening time.

We don’t allow our DS 16 to be in his room all night. He’s up there after dinner but comes down at 10 to watch a series with DH and have a chat with us. Could you establish a routine where you spend half an hour together before bedtime?

The fact is, you do need to get yourself out there. You say you don't have the time but there isn't really any other option if you want to meet people. Surely you have a couple of hours at the weekend? I am a lone parent also. My teenage DS is out all day today so I've got the whole day to myself.

You say you would like a partner, but one isn't just going to drop into your lap. If you want to meet somebody you need to be socialising.

OP, you've said that you would like a partner to chat to. If that's what you want then take steps to make it happen, join OLD, join an book club, singles or social group (on line if necessary!). Sounds like your daughter could manage to make her own tea a couple of evenings a month to give you a chance to go out after work.

I get this. I have done the single parenting and full-time working for 11 years and it is exhausting and atrophies your social life and confidence, even if you can suddenly magic up time and money. I am at the stage where I would like to meet people and do new things but first I feel like I need to rest and get my house less chaotic and just feel less frazzled. My youngest is not quite old enough where I could leave him of an evening, but we do go to the gym or swimming or out for a walk routinely, even if it means going out at 8.30 or 9pm.

What opportunities are there for flexible working so you could have one day a week when you don’t have to commute or you get home earlier? You do just sound exhausted and therefore it doesn’t matter what anyone suggests, you won’t have the energy to view it as possible.

I agree, things will never change unless you make an effort yourself.

I would start by looking at things going on in your local area.
My local area is ready advertising events, craft fares, theatre, cinema, indoor sales, car & motorbike meet ups, quizzes, charity fund raising events, cake & coffee, art class, book club, gardening club, fitness club, music club, etc for Halloween & Christmas

I would also recommend going to your local library or information centre centre or look online for ideas.

Would you be able to change jobs to nearer home so you didn't have just a long commute, so you would have more free time and less to pay out in travel expenses.

I started to look after myself better now I have the time, do go to water aerobics, yoga, Pilates and Zumba and I really enjoy it and have met some good friends.
I also have been able to spend more time decluttering if we haven't used it in a while it's gone.

When I didn’t have much spare cash I used to walk with friends then have a coffee. That few hours out made such a difference. Get cheap cinema tickets via your phone contract/insurance and go with a friend or even your daughter . Keep your eye out for local free events there are lots of markets and craft fairs coming up. Invite a friend round at weekend and cook . Your daughter will see friends at school and is no doubt speaking to them on her phone while in her room . She will be fine if you go out for a few hours . You now need company for you but you have to make a bit of an effort.

I’m going to echo what other posters (and you) have said and say that it seems to me like it’s your mindset rather than any physical obstacle that is in your way.

i would genuinely start thinking how you can find some motivation and purpose because if you don’t change something, nothing is going to change.

You're not helping yourself with this mindset.

She is a teen - more than capable of sticking a pizza in the oven for herself for dinner one night a week.

I completely understand that you're her constant, but presumably she goes to school and has friends? Therefore she is not alone all the time. You've also said in your OP that she wants to spend less time with you, she will cope with you being out of the house for a fee hous in the evening.

Do you have friends that you could invite over for dinner? Go to the cinema with?

I was similar OP, and I get it, even though she's a teenager it doesn't feel right to leave her alone. I was the same especially around making sure that I cooked and we ate together. And as teenagers their plans are constantly changing so having to work around this can be challenging, especially when you feel as though they're missing out on a lot of the normal family life of their friends and you're feeling you're having to compensate.

It is very different now she's gone off to university and I feel as though I have so much more freedom. While she was here I think I focused much more on what I could do at weekends rather than in the evening, just simple things like getting out and about with friends for a walk and a coffee didn't cost very much. I guess theoretically I could have dated doing this too, though I wasn't really that bothered!

I found it much more isolating being a single parent of a teenager than I did when they were younger and it was much easier to get groups of them together. When they become teens friendships are decided by themselves so you're not necessarily going to be friends with the parents.

Op you do seem a bit woe is me, you’ve asked for help but you’ve a reason why none of them will work without trying. If you just want to moan a bit that’s fine but if you want to change things like you said you have to have a different mindset and try out the suggestions.

You could teach your child to cook, they can start prepping and cooking some of your meals while you’re on the commute on some of the days. You could meal plan, prep and batch cook together if you have freezer space say one Saturday a month freeing up your evenings.

Regardless of your job, if you genuinely don’t have the energy to even do a jigsaw after work then I’d be looking at getting some blood tests done, you may have a deficiency in vit d, iron, b12 all of which can make you feel exhausted. Do you take vitamins?

I strongly suggest you don’t date/seek a partner while you feel like this, it’s never a good move if you’re looking for someone else to fix you up/make life enjoyable/meaningful.

Try to do creative saturday classses and hobbies . What do you both do on the weekend, is the girl a loner also?

Can you try any of the following:

• you both do something in the evening like have a movie night or cooking night or make something for the home or clothes or a bag so you are not just in separate rooms

• invite her friend and her friend's mum over for tea, invite anyone over

• get a job closer to home or move to be closer to work

• agree with work that one night a week you will leave an hour earlier and reduce your lunch break by half an hour on two other days to give you one evening when you can get home earlier to do something

• socialise with anyone you work with at lunchtime

• both do the gym or something in the evening and start and finish work earlier

• she will probably enjoy feeling she can go out too if you also do so one night a week, especially if you invite her too

• agree on anything you can do together one night a week which involves other people like a pub quiz

• get her to join something even taking her there and back might give you a chance to chat to another parent and you can always have a night time picnic taking a flask of something warm

• do something more social at weekends and make an effort to join groups then, it can be something low effort like parkrun or meetup and see if you can build more friendships from there

Make yourself be creative about changing something. You have to make it happen much as you do in your job or any other area of your life. How do you spend your weekends?

I am a single parent but my DD is only 8. I have no living siblings or family so I totally understand you on this. It’s just me & her. She sees her Dad for 9 hours a week on a Saturday daytime.

I am focusing on strengthening my friendships ready for when she’s a teen. I am not against a relationship but I won’t just accept any old frank the tank! I wfh currently but I find it so isolating so I will change this in the next 5 years.

I am also planning on joining the local leisure centre for gym/classes etc & will look into the local W.i. I will plan things with friends too. I think forging out a life for yourself is the only option.

It’s hard. I actually love being single but it’s because she’s still young i guess. I’m aware this will change though.

I think she'd be better off with a happy mum who's around most nights than a miserable mum (even if you're trying to hide it) who's around every night.

Could you phone friends in the evenings? Meet for a drink or a pub quiz?

Are there any options for a change of job, to give you more time?